Here are the top ten things that fundamentalists apparently expect people to say even if somehow they almost never do.

10. I’m so happy that you’re here knocking on my door on Saturday morning. Please, come in and judge me for a while!
9. Waiting to kiss my spouse until we were married has made it so much more enjoyable!
8. Your culottes are so modest that they make me feel like I’m dressed like a hussy! Can I get your sewing pattern for them?
7. The Bible makes so much more sense to me since I threw away my NIV and started reading the King James.
6. Since coming to your church I realized what was missing in my spiritual life: more pastoral screaming.
5. Looking at your family makes me so sad that I too selfish to have six more children.
4. I get to go to heaven AND vote for Republican Presidential candidates? What a sweet deal!
3. I’d so much rather have this Gospel tract than food or money.
2. Yes! I had always suspected something sinister about The Smurfs!
1. Since joining your church I finally understand what Jesus meant about His yoke being easy and his burden being light.