It’s no secret that fundamentalists think that their specific doctrinal stances on everything from hell to (prayers over) breakfast are the only ones that are correct. But the overactive case of certainty that follows the average fundy is hardly limited to the realms of doctrinal squabbling. In fact for many fundamentalists, being absolutely right and defending their ideas to the death is a way of life no matter what the topic. Absolutism is a way of life.

People who drive smart cars are all Communists. Pepsi drinkers are not just sorely mistaken they are actually victims of a conspiracy to make you eat your own children. Vegetarians (except Bro. Roloff, God rest his soul) may just as well start worshiping Gaia and get it over with. And don’t even get me started on people who have the utter gall to be born French and haven’t yet apologized for it.

So many people in the world are so very wrong. And if you’re ever unsure about that fact just ask your local fundy pastor his opinion on anything from plumbing to NASCAR and you’ll soon find out that it’s not just spiritual things that are absolutely fundamental.