Many young fundamentalists head off to an approved fundamentalist college to toil and study for four years only to emerge with a degree that puts them on promising career paths such as leading a church choir or supervising a nursery three times a week.

At Pensacola Christian College You can check out the wonderful world of Music Ministries in which you to can learn to look like this when you sing. “Lift those eyebrows, people! Jesus likes them up almost into your hairline!” A similar program is offered at West Coast Baptist College but you’ll want to note that there are separate degrees for men and women. Men take Practical Theology with their music degree while women take “Christian Womanhood.” (If the women want to learn about theology it’s best to let the sweet young things wait until they are married so they can ask their husbands about it.)

If you are a woman who aspires to get married and have babies, there are programs for that too! Unlike women of years gone by who did all this without needing to take college classes, you can head off to Hyles Anderson and major in Marriage and Motherhood. Hopefully you can snag a husband too while you’re at it or that’s a whole lot of money and time wasted.

If the world of word processing and church secretarial ministry is your dream, Maybe The Crown College’s Bachelor of Biblical Studies in Business Applications will float your boat. Hopefully that Bible-based approach to using Microsoft Access is worth every shekel.

And of course, every fundamentalist college worth its salt has at least a few programs in things like Youth Ministry, Camp Ministry, Nursing Home Every Other Thursday Ministry  and so on. These specialized degrees will ensure that these promising young fundamentalist leaders of tomorrow will quickly learn to suffer for Jesus making sub-minimum wage at the ministry of their choice. Alternatively, if they apostatize and leave the ministry, there’s always an option for food service and sales positions.

If you spent four years (or six or eight) getting a degree that you’re now embarrassed to put on your secular resume, you may have been a fundamentalist.