In fundyland it is assumed that the only reason why the average person would desire freedom from prying eyes would be to perform some great act of wickedness. Private correspondence, private conversations, and private contemplations among those who are not in leadership are seen as the very tools of Satan.

Any locked container probably contains liquor, Harry Potter books, and gospel tracts that use the NIV. Anyone wearing headphones must be secretly listening to evil rock music. Anything password protected is pornography or (worse yet!) copies of old SFL posts until proven otherwise. Your secrets are only safe as long as they remain inside your own head.

The only person in fundyland who has the right to keep secrets is the pastor. And his mistress. And her husband.