Oh the party is terrific,
Family, friends all gathered near
And I might be having fun too
If that guy weren’t drinking beer

But instead of conversation,
Food, and laughter freely spread
Now I’ve got to spend time judging
Preaching sermons in my head

And it’s not just booze I’ve noticed
In this gathering tonight
Do you see that woman yonder with
The shirt that is too tight?

And the music’s loudly playing
I suspect some folks may dance
At a table in the next room
I see cards, a game of chance

So…instead of deigning to partake
(Not asking who had blessed the steak)
I’ll jot down each false step you make
And calculate for each mistake
Just how much offense I will take.

I’ve got reasons.