Christmas is a time of cheerful celebration and sacred reflection. It’s a time for family and friends to enjoy sweet fellowship while eating, drinking and being merry. For the fundamentalist child it is also time to receive the holy and precious gift of yet another KJV Award Bible from the church bookstore — preferably the one with the plastic cover and .05 sized type (Retail value $12.99).

A KJV Bible is the perfect gift for the young fundamentalist. For if this child expresses anything other than delight at receiving his twelfth copy of the Holy Writ he will be branded as a materialistic and ungrateful wretch. It’s best just to smile and declare that a new Bible is exactly what you needed since your other dozen copies are getting a little worn out from constant use.

There are other possible gifts to receive in this same vein. A devotional book written by the pastor, a neighborhood-sized pack of gospel tracts, or a Baptist Flag tie may also take their proper place in the fundamentalist gift-giving repertoire if an award Bible is not available.

A copy of the KJV is the fruitcake of the fundamentalist gift-giving world.