In fundyland, any talk of unity is generally greeted with a healthy dose of suspicion. For in any group of significant size with even a hint of diversity there will be those who may disagree with the fundamentalist on some point of doctrine, practice, or formal etiquette. You just can’t trust anybody these days.

Indeed, the call to unity is the great siren song of Satan. For one fateful day, hand will join in hand and all the world’s great religions will combine into one single world religion under a world-wide government with a single currency and a single language. This will in turn lead to seven really icky years of tribulation (which Christians will be lucky enough to miss via the Rapture) and then the peace and prosperity of the millennial reign of Christ. So, of course, you can see why such a fate is to be avoided at any cost.

In short, the fundamentalist will not be adding his name to your club, group, or knitting circle unless its focus is shooting stuff or getting a candidate elected. To hear more, consider joining our Counsel on Holy Disunity and Blessed Isolation. Meetings are held every Wednesday at 4 p.m.