Dear Lord (and not Santa) We’ve wishes for you
And if it’s no bother, please make them come true…
An additional Bible to put on my stack
Make sure it’s KJV. Make sure it’s black.
A jean skirt that’s pleated, so modest (yet chic)
To wear when I’m soul-winning three nights a week.
A Sugar Creek Gang Book, more fun than TV
With Poetry, Circus, and sassafras tea.
Maybe Dutch Blitz? or a new game of Rook?
For rare evenings when ministry’s not undertook
A belt buckle cross, draped in red, white, and blue
With the words “We’re God’s Favorites! Too Bad for You!”
A shiny new pocket square; Blue Denim and Lace
And dear God, please…a ticket away from this place.
Brother Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. His death had been recorded in the Old Paths Journal, Revival Fires, and on the front page of the Sword of the Lord. Pastor Scrooge had preached his funeral. And once Pastor Scrooge had given a funeral invitation the deceased almost never recovered. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Scrooge knew he was dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? He was Scrooge’s parishioner for I don’t know how many years. Scrooge was his sole confidant, his sole spiritual adviser, his sole standard bearer, his sole old paths finder, his sole friend, and sole mourner. And even Scrooge was not so dreadfully cut up by the sad event, but that he was an excellent man of ministry on the very day of the funeral, and solemnised it with an altar call such as would be remembered for years.
The Christian Post reports that this is an actual church sign put up by people who must be a heck of a good time at office Christmas parties.
Some have pointed out that this sign presents a theological issue if taken to its logical conclusions. After all, if Santa is Satan and Santa is imaginary then Satan is…you get the idea.
‘Tis the season for fundamentalists everywhere to remind the faithful why taking your kid to see Santa is tantamount to carving 666 on their forehead. Today’s bit of crazy which gives us the skinny on how Santa is actually helping to bring in the New World Order comes to us from cuttingedge.org and it’s a beautiful thing. I mean where else are you going to find a breakdown with such deep insights as “Jesus and Santa both have beards”?
Let’s mark Christmas Eve this year with a carol that I’ve never heard performed in a fundamentalist church. (or at least not one in this country).
I appreciate one thing about my West Indian upbringing and that is the simple lesson that if your song is about something joyful it should SOUND and LOOK joyful. It would seem obvious but it’s something so often missed in the music debate.
A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.
