Memo
To: All Sunday School Leaders
From: Horace J. Studebacher, Sunday School Superintendent.

Dear Teachers,

Please take extra care when filling out your Sunday School attendance books for the coming months. The pastor has informed me that his review of the attendance record has turned up several discrepancies which he thankfully caught before sending the monthly numbers in to the Sword of the Lord. We need to do better. Let all things be done decently and in order, amen?

To that end, here are a few guidelines for keeping your attendance record books accurate.

– Sunday School attendance is defined as people who actually have visited your Sunday School class this week. “They were here in spirit” is not the equivalent of attendance nor is their spouse taking them home the handout enough to count them as present.

– If you are prone to filling out your attendance books on Saturday night, please do so in pencil so they can be corrected. Let’s make it as easy as possible for our pastor to spot those who are falling behind in their Sunday School visits.

– Pregnant Sunday School attendees do not count twice unless they actually give birth in your classroom on a Sunday between 9:30 and 10:15 a.m.

– While Pack the Pew week has always been a time of friendly competition between Sunday School classes for the annual Top Fishers of Men award, it is not appropriate to “trash talk” the leaders of other classes in church the parking lot. In addition the use of door prizes, and other promotional stunts such as swallowing goldfish is discouraged unless you are working in the bus ministry.

Hopefully these reminders will serve to get us back on the path to good honest record keeping. It is important to conduct ourselves in a Christlike manner as we all focus our efforts on getting our Sunday School numbers to new record-breaking levels.