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Ask Camp Meeting Girl

ASK CMG: Strong Drink and Heavy Hearts

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Dear CMG,

I am very concerned about gaining some insight into applying Proverbs 31:6-7: “Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.”

I am a single girl (still), waiting for the one God has for me. While I’m waiting, I live under my father’s rule. He doesn’t want me to teach in a Christian school, but does permit me to help out with the homeschooling of some local patriarchal families.

I am happy to see that these families take the commands and promises of the Proverbs seriously. They do not spare for their children’s crying, and they believe that the blueness of wounds they impart with their rods are cleansing. (I hate to admit it, but I am secretly glad I’m not a parent and have to do those sorts of things, but I know the AV1611 is quite clear in the commands of Biblical Chastisement.)

But I am still working on my obedience to the Proverbs. My father had me memorize Proverbs 31 when I was 3, but it was only recently that I was convicted that I should be working on applying it in my life. I’m hoping it will also help someone find me to be worth some rubies. (I don’t even care about the far above part anymore.) So I started to work verse by verse.

Well, I’m a little hung up on those verses. It seems like in this day and age, Christians have forgotten how to give a good old fashion strong drink. But it’s very clear that this is a command. How do I know who is going to perish? Isn’t God the only one who knows such sorts of things? Or should I go on visitation to the hospital wards and visit cancer patients and give them strong drink? Don’t some states have laws on that? Are there Christian websites where you can buy strong drink containers that look like soft drink containers?

Should I carve these verses onto the container? What if the person I think is perishing isn’t, and they end up getting’ cured. Or even worse, healed by a healer! Have I disobeyed the command? And that’s just the first command!

I’ve also noticed that some of the homeschool kids I help with seem heavy hearted. Usually when their parents are applyin’ other parts of Proverbs. Which of course means they get some more applyin.’ Should I suggest that the parents give them wine instead? It would probably save them time and plumbing line. Or do I just try to give it to them myself? Am I being divisive if I cause there to be tension between the parents and the children?

Also, how do I know what is considered poverty? (And besides, people in poverty usually can’t afford wine.) I mean, I qualify for government assistance, but then again I still wear Tommy Hilfiger denim jumpers. But there are missionaries that visited our church last week that said the people in Tunisia sometimes don’t even have access to water. And I didn’t see anyone in their slides wearing jumpers. So that makes me seem rich, doesn’t it?

Obeying to the letter of the law is harder than it looks on those letters. But I want to have a conscience that is void of offense before God and man.

Thanks for taking time to answer my questions.

Sincerely,

Confused and Single (Still!)

Dear Confused and Single,
It’s always nice to meet another Maiden-In-Waiting-At-Home (MIWAH). You are definitely going to make a mark for the Kingdom by helping out with family things and your husband will appreciate that you haven’t ventured out into the world and become jaded by things like dating or employment.

I went back through my Sermon Notes Notebook and found a sermon on “Strong Drink = Weak Men” by Pastor Backlow. He actually used this passage (Proverbs 31) in the sermon! One of his points was that if you drink, even a glass of wine, that it will become so enslaving and demoralizing that you will find yourself in the poorhouse or in a depression (which is a sin, since we are commanded to be joyful at all times). He said that people who are poor or depressed because of their sin see nothing wrong with sinking further in that sin. He said, “I tell you, folks. When I see one of them beggars on the street asking for money, or one of them poor families stops by the church office for food, I always tell them that I know alcohol led to their downfall. Amen? In this passage, the advice to Lemuel is that NOT drinking is a clue to his status and high class. Amen? So it’s very clear that drinking leads to poverty and perversion. Amen?”

It always makes me sad to see folks in the alcohol aisle at the supermarket. I want to just tell them that they may have smile on their face while they talk about having fun, but even just a little drink makes you drunk and that’s a sin. We leave tracts in the coupon bins at the supermarket so just maybe they will come to know Jesus and be convicted of their sin of drinking alcohol.

It’s clear from Pastor’s sermon on that passage that drinking is wrong and should never happen. If you feel led, you may also steer clear of mouthwash, cooking wine, and cough syrup. If you have those in your home, make sure they are clearly labeled. So your testimony does not suffer.

As for being far above rubies, if you are modest in dress and attitude, no matter how ‘out of style’ you may be, you are a precious Kingdom Daughter!! Your inner beauty shines like your fresh, non-makeup wearing face! Any second that your thoughts go to what you are wearing or what you look ‘good’ in is a second that takes away from focusing on your countenance of grace and joy. Keep your meek and quiet spirit in the forefront so everyone can see it! 🙂

In Modest Apparel,
CMG

Standards

ASK CMG: Does The Barn Need Painting?

51 Comments

My friend feels that she ought to eschew makeup lest she appear
worldly. She also wants to wear a head-covering to show her
submission to her husband. However, her husband has said that he
likes her to wear makeup and doesn’t want her to wear a head-covering.

My friend wants to know if the verse “it is better to obey God rather
than man” applies to this situation.

PW

Dear PW,

Since I am an unmarried maiden-in-waiting-at-home, I asked my mother for her advice in this matter. She wears a tasteful minimum of makeup, but wears it every day. Even when all we are doing is canning peaches. She says that the Feminists teach the makeup is a form of slavery and that’s why they don’t wear much of it. Based on that alone, we should be counter-cultural and wear tasteful makeup.
I asked my Father what his opinion was on this question. He said that some women look worse with make-up and some women look better. He made a hospital visit with Pastor Backlow one time and they went to visit Mrs. Green who had just had her gallbladder taken out. He didn’t even recognize her when he walked in the room because she had no make-up on. He said, “Pardon me, sir” and proceeded to shut the door. Thank goodness Mrs. Green was heavily medicated and doesn’t remember Father doing this. He said that she as a good example of someone who benefited from make-up and that he was thankful that Mr. Green was in favor of make-up.

I looked up one of Pastor Backlow sermons in my Sermon Notes Notebook and he had one sermon called “Jumpin’ Jezebel” that addressed makeup. His first point was that makeup should be attractive, not alluring. It should accentuate a woman’s feminine features, but not cause undue attention to be drawn to her. Red lipstick is definitely out. So is green eyeshadow. His second point was that makeup should be distinctive, not distracting. So, we should neither look like Feminists with no makeup and short hair, but neither should we look like someone from Hollyweird with makeup caked on.

There was a third point but (this happens to me all the time) I thought he was wrapping things up and he was really going into his third point. So, I was stuck at the piano without my notebook while he gave his third point and the invitation.

I hope this helps.

In Modest Apparel,
CMG

Holidays

ASK CMG: Holiday Movies and Greetings

122 Comments

Note: there has been a delay in starting this column due to some tragic goat-related accidents on a recent missions trip as well as a sudden onset of a whooping cough epidemic shortly after return. We sincerely hope that none of you have died or backslidden for lack of wise counsel.

Dear CMG,

The Holiday Season is fast approaching and I was wondering what Christmas Movies you would recommend for me and my wife?

Also, how should I respond when someone wishes me “Happy Holidays”?

Sincerely,
Miguel from Malibu

Dear Miguel,

Thank you for your question about the season when Christians all
around the world celebrate the birth of Christ. A Christmas film that
I can recommend is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I like it because it
shows the evils of alcohol and the love of money, the women are all
dressed modestly, and it shows people going to church. I would
recommend “A Charlie Brown Christmas” to the over-18 crowd. It has
many sarcastic and cutting remarks in it that aren’t good for little
ears to hear. Also, make sure that you are not singing any of the
secular Christmas songs. It really can introduce a depressing aspect
into your celebration of Jesus’ Birthday.

If someone wishes you a “Happy Holiday”, you could ask (as Pastor
Backlow recommends) “Did you mean ‘Happy HOLY-day’??” and stare
intently at them until they understand your meaning. You could also
ask if they would like to come to your church’s musical called “Keep
CHRIST in Christmas Or It’s Just Another Day”. I think you can order
it from Fundamental Music Company. You have to do it over the phone
because the man who runs it doesn’t have a website since the Patriot
Act passed. I wear this shirt to Wal-Mart in December:

I hope your Christmas was a good one and that you will be attending
the Watch Night Service at your church! We will be watching “Sheffy”
at my church and there will be a ping-pong table in the Fellowship
Hall for the youth. We may play Dutch Blitz or Biblical Charades if
we have enough time.

In Modest Apparel,
CMG

Do you have a question or problem and need some wise advice? Send it to CampMeetingGirl via the contact page or e-mail it to askcmg@stufffundieslike.com

Announcement

Ask CampMeetingGirl

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I’m proud today to announce a brand new service for our SFL community! CampMeetingGirl our resident handmaiden-in-waiting has volunteered to help those of you who are hurting and ailing to find answers to life’s most persistent questions with a new featured SFL advice column that we’re calling (what else?) “Ask Camp Meeting Girl.”

With her combination of old-fashioned wisdom and world class homeschool education, CMG will be happy to bless your heart with advice on anything from child rearing (she’s seen it done a whole bunch) to interior design (finally putting that correspondence course to work!)

To get advice on any topic, simply e-mail your questions to askcmg@stufffundieslike.com or use the Contact page with the Subject of “AskCMG”

All names will be kept confidential with the exception of telling them to the 272 people on the e-mail prayer chain who will be praying a hedge around you.