Hey, man. Can you hook me up? I need something right now. I heard a rumor that you just got in a fresh batch of rules. C’mon man, I’m really hurting here. How about just a little bump of guilt? Just give me a few hits of those sweet, sweet standards to help me level out.

Please. I’m begging you, man. Just give me one more rule. How about give me just a ‘teenth, man. Just give me a sixteenth commandment to add to my spiritual walk and that will be all I need, I swear. I won’t do any more after this. I’m gonna get clean and go back to my sobriety of grace but you know how it is, I can’t even think straight when I’m like this.

I just need some a few more statutes and precepts, man. Help a brother out! Anything you’ve got. I’ll take whatever. A decree? An edict? You can even make fun of my clothes, man. Just lay it on me. I’m in bad shape here.

Sure, you know I’ll pay anything. You want a cut of my income? Done. You want me to work for you for free on weekends, you know I’m good for it, man. Hey, let me sweeten the deal, you want my kid’s future? You want him to worship you and love you more than he loves me? I’ll make it happen for you, man. Just give me what I need.

Just give me the guilt, man. Just make me believe I’m bad. I can’t live without it.

Yes, this is what happens when I slam down an entire season of Breaking Bad over a weekend.