1 Corinthians 13 as found in the greater annotated Saved, Separated, And Soul-Winning Study Bible

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels (not that those gifts are still for today you understand), and have not charity(which is such a much better word that “love” don’t you think?) , I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal (only we don’t use cymbals unless it’s to play John Phillips Sousa). And though I have the gift of prophecy (Since I’m the pastor you know I do!), and understand all mysteries (I’m the pastor that’s a given!), and all knowledge (have you seen the diplomas on my wall??); and though I have all faith (which I pretty much do), so that I could remove mountains (or at least remove people from the membership rolls that I don’t like), and have not charity(that word is really hard to understand we’ll get back to this later), I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor (not that we actually go in for that kind of thing around here) , and though I give my body to be burned (probably by Roman Catholics), and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long (oh, how I suffer! I haven’t had a new car in months!), and is kind (to those who deserve it and aren’t liberals); charity envieth not (no problem here, I’m already the best at everything); charity vaunteth not itself (whoops. go back and scratch out that last note), is not puffed up (Again this is confusing. I’m assuming this is a reference to being gay), Doth not behave itself unseemly (no rock music or britches on women), seeketh not her own (eh?), is not easily provoked(unless of course it’s holy anger which all of mine is), thinketh no evil(no bad shows on TV, amen?); Rejoiceth not in iniquity(Doesn’t vote Democrat), but rejoiceth in the truth(Votes Republican); Beareth all things(it doesn’t say “bareth” amen? so you women keep yourselves covered), believeth all things(at least the things I tell you to believe), hopeth all things(I hope I get a better bonus this year), endureth all things(like me putting up with you more sinful folk). Charity never faileth. (at least as long as you stay on my good side.)

And all God’s people said?