This year’s edition comes from Terry Watkins at Jesus-Is-Savior.com wherein we learn that the New Age Religions (whatever they are) have some deity or another named “Sanat Kumara” which is apparently somehow relevant. Fascinating stuff.
Any article about Santa that includes quotes from Texe Marrs has to be good, right?
Commandments Concerning Yultide Cheer
When it shall come to pass that the calendar shall have flipped through another year and thou shalt find thyself again in the Christmas season that thou shalt then with all diligence and steadfastness of thy heart and bowels. For we all know that naughtiness is rewarded not with coals in thy stocking but with the never-dying coals of perdition. Therefore watch out to abstain from pouting, crying and all the rest of the deadly sins.
And of thy Christmas presents we have only this commandment: that thou allow no toy that is worldly, no song that is current, no movie that is recent, no clothes that are fashionable, no drinks that are alcoholic, and no electronics doodads which can be used in the pursuit of lust, laziness, or lighthearted tomfoolery. In short, thou hadst better just stick to shopping at the church bookstore. Missionary biographies are 50% off.
But of the decorations of thine house thou shalt allow no trace of the papist Nicholas or his little-folk spawn for such is rank idolatry and in very bad taste. As for the other false gods of Rudolph, Frosty, The Grinch, and Tiny Tim we ask “why are you watching Christmas specials instead of attending Wednesday night service and Thursday visitation?” For shame.
So it is our wish that thy days be merry and bright and don’t forget that the cantata “Billy Dies Again (And Everybody Else Gets Saved)” Will be in place of our even service on Christmas Day and yes there will be two services on Christmas Day and I can’t imagine why you would think that’s a problem unless you have a hard and rebellious heart which coincidentally is what gets Billy killed twice so you won’t want to miss it.
Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements, p. 1225 (2512 in the European edition)
Charles Lawson is a man with a lot of theories. Whether it’s the Illuminati, the Federal Reserve, the origins of the NAACP or the REAL reason for the American Civil War he manages to stand in the pulpit and talk about just about anything but Jesus.
Here we get some insight from a veteran salesman soul winner on how to close the deal and get the result that you want out of a soul winning encounter.
Don’t give them an out. Don’t give them a choice. Use the stock prayer. Draw the net around the big flopping fish and land that soul for Jesus.
It never ceases to amaze me the arrogance of people who think that they can change a stranger’s entire belief system in a way that will alter their eternal destiny in one conversation that lasts about five minutes. It’s basically the spiritual equivalent of the game run by pick-up artists.
1. Get noticed and make contact.
2. Lower their self esteem and create a need for your affirmation.
3. Make a conquest out of them even though you don’t know them, don’t love them, and won’t ever see them again.
If all else fails in the fundy plight to socialize people into mimicking the acceptable “standards” of behavior, playing the maturity card is the last resort.
“Oh, you just don’t understand how important this is because you’re only a baby Christian. I know you’re 53 and have children older than I am (after all I’m only 26 and just got my Bible degree) but if you’ll just do what I tell you then soon you’ll be a grown-up Christian like I am…”