Fundamentalists love persecution — or more accurately they love to call things persecution which people in real persecuted countries wouldn’t even notice.
For example, if there are ten miles of street that fundamentalists are allowed to preach on and ten square feet that is off-limits for safety reasons, you can bet your life on where the fundy street-preacher will end up standing. And don’t even think about asking him to get a permit…
The list of new persecutions is never ending.
Taxes? Persecution!
Building Safety Codes? Persecution!
Not to mention health inspectors, noise ordinances, gun laws, emissions tests…
Jesus would never have put up with all of this! It’s not like ever told his followers to follow the government’s rules or pay taxes, after all. Those early Christians just didn’t know how good they had it.
The Slippery Slope argument is a popular one among fundamentalists. It goes something like this…
If a woman wears culottes that are only to the knee instead of to the ankle then she will inevitably begin wearing pants. This will in turn lead to wearing shorts which will lead to mixed bathing which will lead to dancing in night clubs and then on to drug addiction. This will drive her straight into prostitution which will lead to to armed robbery, prison time, terrorism, mass suicide, and and finally becoming a Southern Baptist.
If you’ve ever heard an entire point of a sermon based on playing six seconds of a rock and roll records backwards, you have probably been a fundamentalist. Fundies are convinced that demonic messages are being secretly coded into…just about everything.
In the 1980’s various fundamentalists became convinced that subliminal messages were being hidden in rock music songs via “backmasking.” This inevitably led to a rush on pastors and youth leaders buying up record players that could play backwards, for use as sermon illustrations.
Of course, other than a few publicity stunts nobody has actually ever proved that there is backmasking in songs, nor that recording messages backwards into music has any effect on the listeners. Fundamentalists, however, are so convinced of the truth that they don’t allow themselves to be confused by the facts.
They also bear the dubious distinction of being the only people who have ever spent more time listening to rock music in played in reverse than played forward.
There are a few rules for those women who would be the wife of a fundamentalist pastor. They must look good in jean jumpers; they must have an aptitude for teaching children’s Sunday School; and they must play the piano.
One cannot over-emphasize how important that last requirement is. Not only does it give a church the chance to grab a two-for-one deal on church staff, but the church can also press the pastor’s wife into service as the music teacher at the ubiquitous Fundamentalist Christian School. Not to mention the many command performances at weddings, funerals, and church picnics as well. Free ministry labor is priceless.
On the other side of things, a pastor with a piano-playing wife can always be assured that his personal music standards will always be upheld in the services. “Honey, you need to tone down that left hand in Honey in the Rock. It’s getting a little carried away.”
Until fundamentalists break down and start using pre-recorded music or (horrors!) a band, there will always be a need for pianists. Until then, pastors wives will indubitably be asked to stand in the gap — or at least sit in it on a piano bench.
All music has rhythm and most cultural music around the world has a lot of syncopation. You’ll find the sin of syncopation is just about every kind of music including Middle Eastern music, Slavic music, Indian music, Chinese Music, Celtic Music, and Native American Music. However, fundamentalists have determined beyond a shadow of a doubt that rock music has come from evil witchcraft ceremonies in Africa.
How did they come to this conclusion? It’s not quite clear. Surely they didn’t just play on a preexisting racial prejudice and pick the homeland of the group of people who were least liked in society at the time to blame rock music on. One would not even dare to suggest it’s possible. On the other hand, if you ask fundies about what makes music evil it’s unlikely that you’ll be informed about the syncopation of Jewish music and how it makes God’s chosen people dance. Nope, the blame lies squarely on the shoulders of Africa and for fundamentalists that’s where it will stay.
Just once I’d like to hear a sermon on those ‘dangerous Celtic beats’ that drive men into the depths of degradation. Ethnomusicology be hanged. Let’s blame the Africans.
A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.
Fundamentalists love persecution — or more accurately they love to call things persecution which people in real persecuted countries wouldn’t even notice.
The Slippery Slope argument is a popular one among fundamentalists. It goes something like this…
If you’ve ever heard an entire point of a sermon based on playing six seconds of a rock and roll records backwards, you have probably been a fundamentalist. Fundies are convinced that demonic messages are being secretly coded into…just about everything.
There are a few rules for those women who would be the wife of a fundamentalist pastor. They must look good in jean jumpers; they must have an aptitude for teaching children’s Sunday School; and they must play the piano.
All music has rhythm and most cultural music around the world has a lot of syncopation. You’ll find the sin of syncopation is just about every kind of music including Middle Eastern music, Slavic music, Indian music, Chinese Music, Celtic Music, and Native American Music. However, fundamentalists have determined beyond a shadow of a doubt that rock music has come from evil witchcraft ceremonies in Africa.