Exibit A in this fight against the NWO is this fundamentalist pastor (and Constitution Party Presidential candidate!)
Culottes
Because nothing says “modesty” like playing softball in a pair of wide-legged pants that ride up like crazy when you try to slide into second.
Ignoring Biblical Genre
Fundamentalist tend to assume that since all Scripture is profitable for doctrine, all Scripture can be handled in the exact same way. Want to defend your evangelism techniques from Proverbs? Go ahead! Want to base part of your soteriology on an obscure passage from Psalms? Help yourself!
Poetry, parable, prose, prophecy — those are just labels given to texts by liberal professors who want to confuse people. Just read a verse and let the Spirit move. Everything from the most trivial details from parables to the strangest acts of minor prophets is up for grabs when the fundamentalist needs a proof text to support some preconceived notion.
In fact the only time that genre comes into play at all is when something comes up that makes a fundy preacher uncomfortable. For example, take all that sex talk in Song of Solomon. To fundamentalists this is obviously a deeply shrouded poetic picture of Christ and the Church. To prove it all you have to do is cross-reference a few verses from Malachi and 3rd John…
Claiming Not To Be Religious
“Are you one of those religious folks?,” asked the man’s co-worker casually. “I see you carrying that Bible to work every day and praying over your meals…out loud.”
“No sir!,” said the fundamentalist stiffly, “What I’ve got is not religion. No indeed, what I’ve got is a belief in the Bible about the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, and a relationship with God through daily devotions and church attendance and times of remembrance during the Lord’s supper and last but not least the keeping a strict code of moral law as laid out in Scripture.”
“Oh.” said the co-worker. “Sounds like a religion to me…”
Prophet’s Chambers
Fundamentalist missionaries, evangelists, and traveling speakers are well acquainted with the phenomenon of the prophet’s chamber. The prophet’s chamber is ostensibly a few rooms set aside to accommodate itinerant folks who are visiting the church for a short time. The name comes from the Old Testament era as does most of the furniture donated for the visitors to use.
Just about any space can be given the title of prophet’s chamber. It may be a room or two in the bowels of the church basement, a room above a deacon’s garage, or even an ancient travel trailer parked out back. (“You’ll have to walk down to the church building to use the bathroom. Make sure you dress warmly, it’s supposed to be -37 tonight.”)
By Baptist law, the prophet’s chamber must also contain at least one 1960’s era pull-out couch bed guaranteed to ensure that the occupant will need chiropractic care immediately after leaving. Thankfully, there will also be at least two copies of Israel My Glory, a Sword Scrapbook, and a book of sermons by John R. Rice on the nightstand available for use if the guests have problems falling asleep.
Elijah only wishes that he could have had such creature comforts.