I’m not quite sure what the story is here but the fundies in the audience definitely seem to enjoy it…
FWOTW: amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com
I can’t quite put my finger on what intrigues me so much about this week’s pick: AmazingGraceBaptistChurchKJV.com – website of Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, NC. Is it the cutting edge 1995 internet design — including a front page that requires no less than 62 clicks to read entirely and music that starts playing when the page loads? (Note: turn down your speakers). Is it the borderline idolatrous page dedicated to the pastor’s father? Perhaps the overwhelming number of fundamentalist folk heroes represented?
When you visit, be sure to check out page on “letters, thoughts and articles” on topics such as “sex, drugs, homosexuality, alcohol, smoking, immodesty, long hair-guys, short hair-girls, pants, mixed bathing, Judging, cursing, Science, etc.” (Wait a minute…Science?) I, for one, can’t wait to get started reading.
Life Verses
While it’s unclear where the tradition began, it is now an accepted rule that every fundamentalist is required to come up with some passage of Scripture that they can claim as a “life verse.” The earlier this is done, the better. Not having a life verse by the time one enters high school is tantamount to a confession of being a reprobate. Although how exactly a sixteen-year-old is suppose to know which bit of the Bible is going to have the most relevance for the rest of their life is somewhat of a mystery.
Being without a life verse results in a great deal of awkwardness. There are few things worse for the unversed fundy then having a youth leader or pastor ask everyone in a group to share their life verse and what it means to them. The only solution at that point is to mumble Jeremiah 33:3 and stand in shame as the other kids rattle off much more spiritually obscure passages from the minor prophets.
Many questions surround the logistics of life verses. Is it cheating to steal the life verse of a famous pastor? Is one allowed to change their life verse if they grow up and find out the one they picked in kindergarten is actually a promise to national Israel to be carried out during the millennial reign? Can a person use a “life verse” that is only half a verse long? Is it too ostentatious of an aspiring preacher boy to have a “life paragraph” or “life chapter”?
As for me, my life verse is and will remain Matthew 19:12. It’s a great conversation starter at fundamentalist picnics.
War Stories
Roman Catholic Conspiracies
When it comes to Roman Catholics, the major disagreement amongst fundamentalists is whether in the book of Revelation the Pope is actually the anti-Christ or merely the False Prophet. Either way, they all agree that Roman Catholics want to run the world and are responsible for quite a number of its ills.
Based on reports from the likes of Jack Chick and his tales of former Jesuit Alberto Rivera, fundamentalists are willing to believe any number of conspiracy theories about Roman Catholics — up to and including that the Gestapo was run by the Jesuits. Some will also inform you that Roman Catholics are responsible for Free Masons, Lincoln’s Assassination, The New World Order, disco music, Oprah, and the “song” Boom, Boom, Pow.
The only people that fundamentalists may distrust more than Roman Catholics are the Communists. Unless, of course, you subscribe to the theory that the Vatican is the real power behind Communism too. There’s a sale on tinfoil hats on aisle 5.