Liturgy
Yes, there is a liturgy to even Fundamentalists services
Thanks to Paul and Cindy Erlandson for this great piece.
Faith Promise
(click image to enlarge)
Rather than have a centralized mission board like other denominations use, fundamentalists have at last count one and a half bajillion missions boards — most of which are located in an around the South-Eastern United States. Greenville, South Carolina alone has more missions agencies than there are new countries created from the former USSR. There are also some fundy missionaries forgo using a mission board all together, deciding rather to go to the field without the help (or training) of a missions agency. Missionary school? I don’t need no stinkin’ missionary school!
Since there is no requirement that fundamentalist churches contribute to any given person or organization, it’s up to each congregation to decide how much they want to give. In many fundy churches they do this by a process called “Faith Promise.” Basically this involves each person making a wild guess and then putting God on the hook for the funds. Promising to give more money than I can afford and assuming that God will make up the shortfall is apparently a great act of faith. Are you a retiree on social security? Go ahead an pledge $1000 per month. I’m sure God’s good for it.
Based on these guesses, the church puts together its budget for missionary support and promises missionaries that they will be sent a certain amount each month — with no guarantee that they will, in fact, be able to pay it. This is called “living by faith” and allegedly gives the missionary great spiritual maturity and more than a few ulcers when paying his bills.
It’s strange that pastors don’t operate their salaries on this same principle by giving away all the church budget and only living on the extra that God brings in. There’s a fine line between faith and foolishness.
FWOTW: AV1611.org
This week’s pick is the imaginatively named av1611.org. Subtle.
Whatever fundy flavor you’re looking for, you’ll find it here. 666 theories?check. Theories that Santa is really Satan?got it!. Lessons on how to spot a “counterfeit” Bible? Do you even need to ask?
There’s just too much to take in at a single sitting. Bookmark this one and come back often.
Christian School
Every fundamentalist knows that all public schools are bastions of devil-worship and endless drug-fueled orgies. The public schools are obviously a mess because after prayer was removed from them by the Supreme Court, real Christians stopped going there. And in a feat of perfect circular logic it then follows that (unless they are protesting something) real Christians should stay far away from public schools since only infidels attend and teach there. This is know as being “in the world but not of it.”
To solve the problem of how to educate their children, fundamentalists in a church of any decent size will inevitably start a school. Often times these schools have neat rules that require the parents of students to be members of the church in order to keep the riff-raff out. Unfortunately, government regulation has stepped in here as well to prevent many of these schools from carrying out biblical corporal punishment on children for offenses such as not raising their hands before talking in class or wearing the wrong colored socks with their uniform. It is obviously the age of Laodicea when you can’t even whip a child at school anymore.
For the most part fundamentalist schools run just about like any other school with the exception of having a pledge to the Christian flag, having chapel services ever day, and having a curriculum from the greatest minds that non-accredited fundamentalist colleges have ever produced. This curriculum is in turn taught by top-flight teachers who earn less than the pay at a good fast-food job.
Never fear, these schools are sure to give students have all the tools they need for a successful career at the basement bible college of their choosing. ab ove maiori discit arare minor