By the time a fundamentalists graduates high-school and Bible college he or she has heard roughly 17,436 messages on how to find God’s will — a topic surpassed only, perhaps, by sermons on fleeing youthful lust. Divining God’s will on such matters as which college to pick and which person to marry is a very sneaky and subtle thing that is very easily missed if one isn’t careful. One wrong step can lead to absolute destruction.
Consider this cautionary tale. “I was supposed to be a missionary in Botswana and instead I totally misunderstood the Holy Spirit’s leading and went to Brazil instead. After spending 20 years sharing the gospel there I realized that all those souls won and churches started should never have been.” Such stories are as heartbreaking as they are commonplace. Heed their warning well.
If you are ever in doubt as to what the perfect will of God is, the answer is to consult the Holy Spirit — who is conveniently located inside any local fundamentalist leader. You’ll never have to wonder what do to again.
Perhaps nowhere does the phenomenon of claiming non-revelatory non-charismatic divine leadings happen more frequently then when a fundamentalist pastor stands up to preach and informs the crowd that his message tonight comes straight from God for reasons totally unbeknownst to the speaker.
Notice how the evangelist says that God is leading him to preach a message next week but that God may change His mind sometime before next week.
If you’d like to listen to the rest of this sermon entitled “Why Isn’t Someone Yelling Rape?” (which actually includes the use of the phrase “as frustrated as a bald-headed hippy” ) you can find it here
Is your preaching powerless? Are your sermons stillborn? Do your rabid rants require rejuvenation?
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It’s amazing that we live in an age where technology can make such resources so easily available.
If you’ve ever heard a train whistle as you’re lying in bed late at night and the first thought through your mind was “The Rapture!”, you may have been a fundamentalist.
To be sure, a fascination with the Rapture is hardly unique to fundamentalists. If nothing else, the wildly popular Left Behind series written by two very non-fundamentalist types attests to that fact. But the fundies have especially honed the skill of using something as glorious and anticipated as Christ’s return to terrorize the living bejeebers out of people.
“When Christ comes back, what will he find you doing?” is the ever-present question. One is forced to wonder whether fundamentalists think that Christ can’t see what everyone is doing right now and will have to actually show up in the flesh to set things straight. The fact that those sinners then be made perfect and get to avoid judgment is sort of forgotten in all this.
The worst of this is the notion that when the Rapture happens there may be people who will be unsaved and die in Tribulation fire because a fundamentalists shirked his duty and didn’t witness. Our sovereign God is evidently quite hampered by such human shortcomings. And to make things worse, fundamentalists teach that once the Rapture happens there will be no more chance for repentance for anyone who has heard the gospel. This is all found in Scripture somewhere or another but it’s hard to pin down just where.
As for all the Rapture-deniers out there, it’s likely you aren’t even saved and won’t know what hit you when that great trumpet blows and your airplane crashes because your pilot has been whisked away. Enjoy!
A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.
By the time a fundamentalists graduates high-school and Bible college he or she has heard roughly 17,436 messages on how to find God’s will — a topic surpassed only, perhaps, by sermons on fleeing youthful lust. Divining God’s will on such matters as which college to pick and which person to marry is a very sneaky and subtle thing that is very easily missed if one isn’t careful. One wrong step can lead to absolute destruction.
If you’ve ever heard a train whistle as you’re lying in bed late at night and the first thought through your mind was “The Rapture!”, you may have been a fundamentalist.