Redrawing the Lines

lineA favorite fundy illustration is imagining that God’s laws are like a line drawn in the sand and that breaking a law is crossing that line. Not content to leave well enough alone, the fundamentalist then goes on to add this inevitable statement: “A lot of you like to stand with your toes right on the line when you should be as far away from the line as possible. Let me tell you where I think you should draw the line…”

But it does not end there. Not only must one re-draw the line, one must then build an impenetrable wall on the new line and shoot anyone who attempts to cross it. One must fortify this wall with obscure passages and long-winded preaching rants full of illustrations of those who crossed the line to their own doom. This is known as having “standards.”

In time, one may forget entirely that this line isn’t the one God drew at all. In fact, some may even decide to draw another even further afield, rejecting those who hold a different line as being too worldly.

Fundies aren’t the first ones to indulge in this kind of thing, however. Jesus even had a few things to say about some old-school line re-drawers. For details, check out Matthew 23.

Old-Fashioned Sundays

overalls

Wear anything less than your Sunday best to a non-denominational church and fundies will declare that you are a liberal compromiser with itching ears who is giving less than your best to God. On the other hand, if you wear overalls and a straw hat to fundamentalist church on a previously agreed upon Sunday,  that’s just being ‘old-fashioned’ which is a whole ‘nother thing entirely.

There is a fundamentalist principle at work here: “It is not ok to do something they way they used to do prior to the 1950’s unless you explicitly state that you are doing it merely to demonstrate or imitate the way they did it prior to the 1950’s.” It is this reasoning that accounts for phenomena such as male college students wearing a button that proclaims that the reason for their lengthy hair style is that they are in a dramatic production set in the 1700’s. It’s the nearest fundy equivalent to special dispensation.

Be sure to stay for “dinner on the grounds.” The fried chicken is mighty fine.

Thanks to @Viniator3 for the idea

FWOTW: Barbara’s Blessings

barbara“If you are interested in joining this group of godly, fundamental, Christian ladies who use only the King James Version of the Bible, then this is the place for you.” But be warned: “Use only KJV when posting scripture of any kind, or it will be deleted. I will not tolerate gossip or backbiting of any kind, or any slang of language, like “gees” or “golly”.”

Make no mistake, Barbara (a.k.a. PastorsMate) runs things with an iron hand. If “you’ve prayed about it” and you’re up to the challenge, be sure to fill out an application for membership. Premium Membership also available.

A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.