Public Life

Employees

139 Comments

In general, workplaces are stressful. There’s pressure to perform, goals to meet, and office coffee that tastes like the pot was last washed during the Nixon administration. But working for a fundamentalist organization is a special kind of stressful environment of the type that makes manufacturers of blood pressure and ulcer medication chuckle with glee.

For the fundamentalist not only holds over you the normal power of an employer to determine salaries and titles but they also hold over their employees a spiritual club of letting you know that God is watching your work as well. And they’re not afraid to let you know when God is displeased with your performance.

Did you mistype a word on a report? Was that staple not perfectly parallel to the top edge of the page? That’s not just an unprofessional, it’s a sign of sloth. Let all things be done decently and in order!

Would Jesus spend six whole minutes on a bathroom break? No sir! He’d spend only four and use only half your consumption of paper towels too. You are brother to him that is a great waster! For shame!

Are you not meeting your quotas? Be sure to remember that not only are we checking up on you but the Holy Spirit is too. And we have it on good authority that He’s very concerned.

Come early. Stay late. Give of your best to the your fundy taskmasters and never, ever, ever complain lest your end be swift. There’s nothing like the joy of having an employer tell you that he can tell all about your spiritual condition by the discrepancies on your time sheet.

Music

Using the Devil’s Music?

62 Comments

I’m really not sure how to classify this video. If I had to put money down I would say that it’s a fairly clever parody of fundamentalists performing badly. I just can’t imagine real Ruckman supporters admitting to knowing who Eminem is — much less using his music.

But then again, who knows. Poe’s law applies here.

Church

A Small World

169 Comments

Although Baptist fundamentalists make up less than 1% of the overall population of America, you’d never know it to hear them talk. How many pastors have we heard introduced as “one of the most influential men in America”? How many times have we been told that some church of 300 or 500 people is at the forefront of the battle to bring the entire nation back to God? Yet somehow with all this influence, the powerful fundy church with its amazing pastor can’t even manage to get the liquor store down the street to go out of business.

The accolades of power and prestige that both fundy churches and pastors heap to themselves range from the ridiculous to the outright hilarious.

– “Adviser to the Governor and State Legislature” (He met them once at a fundraiser along with 632 other members of the clergy.)

– “Books and Tracts have influenced Christianity greatly” (Except that nobody who doesn’t shop at the church bookstore has ever bought a copy of any of them. The missionaries who received complementary copies in lieu of Christmas presents have long since used them for kindling.)

– “One of the most dynamic and powerful churches on the West Coast.” (Also one of the most oblong and unceremonious. I mean if we’re just going to throw around meaningless adjectives let’s go for broke.)

– “Reclaiming their town for Christ.” (And they’re doing it one zoning board battle at a time. Take that, heathen politicians!)

Most fundamentalists just seem to have no clue that the average non-fundy has never heard of their church, its pastor, his alma mater, and their preacher’s fellowship. And as long as they are refusing to have any meaningful relationship with non-fundamentalists, it’s going to stay that way in perpetuity. Delusions of grandeur would seem to be a requirement to be a somebody in fundyland.

A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.