(yes, the audio and video are out of sync)
Jack is so concerned about being right that when he gets to heaven all he wants to do is rub John MacArthur’s nose in the blood of Christ on the mercy seat?
This man was insane.
Reality Confusion Redux: Inanimate Evil
Fundamentalism is rife with strange superstitions concerning the ability of mere things to somehow hold mystical powers of evil. If you want to freak out a fundy, invite them over to your house and then ask them to help you organize the cupboard where you store your wine and Ouija boards. For to a fundamentalist that isn’t just some fermented grapes and silly writing on a cardboard box. No, indeed these things actually are themselves evil.
It’s as if the concept of “sin” has somehow turned into a dark mysterious force that infects everything it touches. And in a moment of weakness if an unsuspecting person should allow a picture of Santa Claus to hang on a door or a statue of Buddha to sit on a shelf or an NIV to lay on their coffee table, that object is, in fact, a doorway from which the very powers of hell can gain access to your life.
By way of illustration, I was once told by an elderly lady that the pastor of her church got up in the pulpit and railed against unicorns as a symbol of the New Age Movement and a likely symbol of the occult. After this very biblical and Christ-honoring sermon (one can only imagine that the text was Deuteronomy 33:17) this elderly woman’s daughter came to her mother’s house and broke the horn off the unicorn statue that the daughter had given her mom as a present some months earlier.
With the satanic protrusion removed, we are left to believe that the evil the unicorn contained all seeped out of the hole where the horn had once been and (lacking a proof text for the satanic nature of horses with holes between their ears) she did not do any further violence to the statue. Her mother’s good nature, however, was left much worse for the wear than the figurine was. And what did this accomplish? A little glass was shattered. A heart was broken. And evil remained unchanged for it stayed right where it always has lived in the heart of a person driven by fear and ignorance.
Now we all know that an idol is nothing. But carve that idol out and fill it with alcohol or stick a peace sign on it or tell someone that it’s a talisman from an African witchdoctor and apparently nothing turns into something pretty quickly. Reality is a funny thing in fundyland.
Gail Riplinger Nuttiness
Apparently changing the exact Hebrew words of the Bible literally removes your name from the hidden “Lambs Book Of Life” code. Or something like that.
I’d really like to see the names and citations on those “Yale scholars” by the way.
Lester Roloff and the Rainbow Quartet
I’m just amazed as I watch this at the folksy charisma with which he communicates. He seems so very trust worthy. He seems so very safe. Why wouldn’t you trust this man?
My favorite line: “I would waste my money on you…and I wouldn’t sign your Bible.”
Commandments Concerning Preparations For The End Of Days
And when it shall come to pass that evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse and that whirlwind shall be spotted in the thorn tree that thou shalt verily take heed to the words of this game plan for the Apocalypse. For if thou shalt study to do all that is commanded here then thou shalt verily persevere (but not in a Calvinist way) until the Rapture doth come for to carry you home before the really gnarly stuff goes down.
And thou shalt verily harken unto the words of thy leaders and trade in thy paper fiat monies for coins of gold and of silver and of precious stones. So shalt thou gather unto thyself treasure on earth and lock it in state of the art moth-proof and rust-proof and thief-proof containers. And thou shalt also gather unto thyself firearms and bullets for to protect these treasures from those who might think they need them more than thou dost. For there is no such thing as too much gold or too many guns.
For verily perilous times shall come when men shall think it good to persecute the church with strong language and tax codes and snarky jokes about Christians on prime time basic cable. Then shalt thou gird up thy loins and make thy tents ready for departure and flee as a bird to your mountain state wherein thou shalt live as people did aforetime by growing your own food, shooting your own bad guys, and having the woods for thy sanitation.
And when thou has set thyself upon thy hill and has raised thy barricades and formed thy militia and set by thee thy five year supply of freeze dried lasagna then shalt thou know of a certain that thou mayest withstand whatever the beast and false prophet and great whore can throw at you. As it is written “do not be anxious about anything” and again “cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength” and further “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.” And thou mayest ponder why you ran so far away if you weren’t supposed be scared of anything. While thou art at it, thou mayest also ponder how exactly you’re supposed reach the lost if they’re locked outside your fort.
(Alternatively, if you’re a semi-famous pastor and former Presidential candidate you could just take all your church’s money and leave your flock high and dry by running away to start a survivalist cult in Montana. Or so I would imagine if I were speaking theoretically.)
Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements, p 297