Resolutions

With the dawning of the year 1997 I feel it only appropriate to continue my annual tradition of forming a set of resolutions concerning my personal holiness and separation from worldly things.

– I resolve to put a hedge around my ears by muting ALL television commercials this coming year even the ones with really catch tunes or funny parts. I will instead spend these breaks from watching The Waltons praying for our foreign missionaries.

– I will set no evil thing before my eyes. I will not read any magazine, newspaper, or catalog a qualified matronly female has a chance to have a go at it with a permanent marker and a pair of scissors. The J.C. Penny catalog will be summarily and remorselessly destroyed.

– I will read my entire Bible all the way through. And this time I won’t just skip over the parts that make no sense to me or contain a lot of begetting

– I will go soulwinning at least once a week and not be satisfied unless I’ve won at least one soul. If I don’t actually win a soul in person I’ll just leave gospel tracts everywhere and trust that God saved someone when I wasn’t looking.

– I will throw out the box of Stryper tapes under my bed. Again. And this time I really, really won’t break down and buy them again in February. I mean it.

– I will stop thinking about the song leader’s daughter and her beautiful hair and her gorgeous blue eyes and how her smile makes me feel both sick and happy at the same time. I’ll totally put it out of my head and not emotionally defraud her until I’m old enough to ask her father if we can get betrothed.

– I will only take cold showers that last less than five minutes. Better make that three minutes.

– I will be in every way an exemplary Christian so that the blood of the world will not be on my hands.

– I will do all of this for at least a month. Definitely for at least a week. Probably at least until tomorrow.

Update From CampMeetingGirl: Wedding Bells


Dear Darrell,

I am officially Mrs. Titus!

We were married on Christmas Eve at the church. Since the church was already decorated with poinsettias and the Nativity scene, as well as the Star of Bethelehem projected on the ceiling above the altar, I knew it would be great in the pictures.

We had a lovely rehearsal dinner with the wedding party, the Pastor and his wife, and both sets of parents in the Fellowship Hall. Mom didn’t get to sit down much since she did all the food herself. But it was delicious! And, wouldn’t you know it, Green Bean Casserole is Titus’ favorite! My bridesmaids were the Pastor’s daughter, Uriah’s new wife, and another girl that I met through an online chat room for Stay-At-Home Daughters. We had a moment of panic when she arrived and I realized that she was a little bit bigger than her measurements she sent and the pic in her profile. I was able to sew a whole new dress overnight, thought. So, it all worked out, PTL!

I sewed and Mom talked to me about being married. I couldn’t figure out what she was talking about at first. Finally, I figured it must be either gardening or rebuilding an engine. I just let her talk because all I could think about was getting that dress finished. She seemed relieved when she was done.

I was able to get someone to play the piano and Titus’ brothers played a brass quartet. The processional was beautiful and nobody tripped or acted silly. Titus was white as a sheet. I guess seeing your Beloved in her wedding dress for the first time will do that to you! 🙂 Pastor Backlow did a wonderful job with the vows. My feet started to hurt a little in the middle of his sermon on Why Feminists Hate Weddings, but he wound it up pretty fast. He gave a quick invitation and 3 people came forward. I think they were Titus’ extended family. They filled out Decision Cards to get baptized next Sunday.

The reception was fun! There was a lot of good food that the church ladies had prepared for us. The tea was a little sweet, but I found out that was because Mrs. Dove didn’t know that Mom had already sweetened it. Mom was furious but took a deep breath and prayed for Mrs. Dove. She’s always doing stuff like that. Father calls her “Mrs. Go-Behind” because she’s always going behind people and re-doing what they’ve already done. It drives the Ushers crazy.

After the reception, we drove to a condo that one of the church members let us use. It is next to a Water Park but since it’s the wintertime, it’s closed. So, the condo wasn’t rented out and there were no immodest people at the Park. We had to stay in town that night because I couldn’t find a piano player for Christmas Day to take my place.

About the wedding night: WOW! Now I know why God says wait until you’re married. If people knew that it was this much fun, there would be so much more fornication.

I played the services on Christmas Day and we left late Sunday night for our new abode. We were about an hour out-of-town when we realized that we had left our new box of tracts sitting at the church. So, we turned around to get them. We got to our new house in the wee hours of the morning. It is owned by the church and was the first house the church bought for their pastor in the 50’s. He has moved on to better houses, but they keep this one for the Associate Pastor / Youth Pastor / Custodian. It is small, but that makes it easy to clean!

We have been here now for a few days and I am meeting all kinds of wonderful, godly, Christian women who have a lot of good advice about being married. I asked the Pastor’s Wife if she had any advice for a young Pastor’s Wife and she just kind of froze. I guess she couldn’t think of what advice to give first. Finally, she said, “Never complain, but take your cares to Jesus. Hold your family to a higher standard because the congregation does. Learn to listen well and never repeat what people tell you. Don’t make friends with people in the congregation although you must be friendly to everyone. Be available to your husband at all times.” It’s a tall order, but I’m ready to tackle it. 🙂

So, that’s what’s been going on. I will keep you updated on how things are going in our new place of ministry. I think I have to start a class soon to get my Commercial Driver’s License so I can drive the church bus in case of an emergency where no men are available. And, of course, I’m playing piano again here. But, I should have some time to check in here and gather encouragement and sow friendship often.

In Modest Apparel,
Mrs. CMG

Top Ten Posts of 2011


Once again I have taken it upon myself to arbitrarily pick 10 popular posts from the past year and put them in random order.

They are as follows:

10. Glib Answers
9. A Small World
8. Trying to Have Revival
7. A Beka Church
6. Rabbit Trail Preaching
5. Gossip That Isn’t About Me
4. Commandments Concerning God’s Will
3. “Good Neighbors” A Fundamentalist Parable
2. The entire contents of Sex Week
1. Contradiction

Your Nominations, Please

As the year draws to a close I think it only fitting that we take some time and remember the best moments of 2011 here on SFL. I’m going to do a “best posts” roundup later in the week but today I thought we might take the time to nominate our own personal favorites in other categories as well.

So submit your nominations for Favorite Commenter,Best Discussion, Most Entertaining Troll, Best Forum Thread, Most Outrageous MOG, or whatever-it-is-you-enjoyed this past year.

A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.