If you sign up now for the The Old-Time Religion Conference you can get none other than a copy Jack Hyles’ ordination certificate! (A double portion of Jack’s spirit not necessarily included.)
I especially like the bit in their advertising on the website that says “If you call yourself a true fundamentalist, this is where you will want to be.” Who could turn that down?
Thanks to Chuck and Marie for both passing news of this along.
Since we had so much fun a couple days ago with parodies of the awful lyrical homage to Jack Hyles, this Friday’s challenge is to slap together some iambic pentameter (or whatever meter makes you happy) and write a poem on this theme: The Managawd’s Lament.
As always, the contest winner will vigorously glad-handed and then promptly forgotten.
This is just one brief excerpt from a treasure trove of material found in the Joyful Woman Leadership Manual by Joy Rice Martin. Therein you’ll also learn why pastor’s wives can’t have real friends and the importance of finding a good church to visit on your romantic getaway weekends.
It’s no secret that fundamentalists think that their specific doctrinal stances on everything from hell to (prayers over) breakfast are the only ones that are correct. But the overactive case of certainty that follows the average fundy is hardly limited to the realms of doctrinal squabbling. In fact for many fundamentalists, being absolutely right and defending their ideas to the death is a way of life no matter what the topic. Absolutism is a way of life.
People who drive smart cars are all Communists. Pepsi drinkers are not just sorely mistaken they are actually victims of a conspiracy to make you eat your own children. Vegetarians (except Bro. Roloff, God rest his soul) may just as well start worshiping Gaia and get it over with. And don’t even get me started on people who have the utter gall to be born French and haven’t yet apologized for it.
So many people in the world are so very wrong. And if you’re ever unsure about that fact just ask your local fundy pastor his opinion on anything from plumbing to NASCAR and you’ll soon find out that it’s not just spiritual things that are absolutely fundamental.
Today’s reader-submitted photo is a snapshot of a poem that a pastor wrote about his hero, Jack Hyles.