Commandments Concerning Titles and Honorifics

hyles

And concerning the etiquette of addressing pastors, missionaries, evangelists and suchlike you have no need that I write unto you for doth not nature itself show that it is a shame for a pastor not to put on airs and demand that his given name no longer be uttered by mere people in the pew? For though we may sing that we “say brother and sister ’round here” we know that it’s not quite that simple. And the honorifics of the pastor shall then be on thus wise:

It goes with almost without saying that thy pastor shalt be called “Pastor” or possibly “Pastor Smith” for as far as you are concerned “Pastor” is his first name even if he is only a hireling. But if thou shalt abide in the cleft of the rock and in that land of milk, honey, and NASCAR known as the Bible Belt thou mayest also sometimes tack “Pastor” to his first or last name if he shall allow it. For Pastor Billy-Bob doth often proclaim that he dost not care what you call him as long as you don’t call him late for a potluck. So shalt thou keep the distinction between clergy and those who only perch in the pew.

Thy missionaries and evangelists likewise shall be called “preacher” if they are there to preach, “missionary” if they are there to mission, and “brother so-and-so” if they went to a college where we don’t send our young people. And all shall know that these are among the chiefs of the sons of the prophets and worthy of love and (even more important) love offerings.

And if any such man shall have mailed in his money, and signed the book, and received a sheepskin for his dissertation on “What’s Wrong With America and How It Would Be Better If I Ran Things” then thou shalt make all haste to call him “doctor.” Likewise also if he shall have received an honorary doctorate from The Bible Stands Shcool of Theology and Small Engine Repair thou no longer address him as merely pastor for thus it is written “he who would be greatest among you, let him get his honorary doctorate right quick and hang it on his office wall.” Verily thou shalt rejoice that thy pastor yells so much better now that he has been instantly educated.

But of the address of pastors who have fallen, slid, stumbled, or done time in the pokey we have no command save that thou mention them as little as possible and never by name at all if you can help it.

Tops of 2012

2012

2012 is all but gone. This year we watched people win Olympic gold. Hammond had yet another scandal. The Northeast had a superstorm. America elected a President. SFL went on a field trip to Sri Lanka. It was a very busy year.

Time for our year-end round up of stuff that happened here on SFL! (The most-viewed posts on SFL in 2012 all had to do with Jack Schaap’s fall from grace but I’m not going to include any of those in my selection.)

Top 10 posts arbitrarily picked in no particular order

10. A Modest Proposal
9. How It All Began
8. Christmas Trees
7. Top 10 Things Fundies Expect People To Say
6. Easter
5. A Baptist Timeline
4. Commandments Concerning Motor Vehicles
3. Shepherds
2. Love Defined
1. Sunday School Catechism

Award for Adorableness goes to Dancing IFB Mom.

And if you haven’t read about the World Vision trip I took to Sri Lanka in August do feel free to go back and peruse those posts. It was the most amazing event of my year.

A Poem For The End of Days

This little psalm of fundy hope and encouragement came from the Facebook status of Bible Baptist Church of Port Orange, FL. I hope it’s a blessing to your heart, health to your bowels, and a swift kick in the pants (or culottes if you’re a lady).

Twas the night before Rapture,
And all through the land;
Not a soul could be stirred,
Not even God’s man.

The Churches were filled,
With social events;
With rock and roll music,
And much money spent.

They threw out the Hymnals,
And changed the Old Book;
Lived purpose filled lives;
But God’s Word they forsook.

Yea preachers preach sermons,
With words so discreet;
They download their outlines,
And on them put meat.

They mince all their words,
From beginning to end;
But preach against sin,
We dare not offend!

The Church should be relevant;
You hear them all say;
Not too old fashioned,
More geared for today.

With coffee and donuts,
For all who attend;
And gossip sessions,
As prayer among friends.

Playgrounds for children,
Entertainment for teens;
Just keep them coming,
Whatever the means.

Let’s feed the homeless,
And do our good deeds;
It makes us feel good,
To meet someone’s needs.

While men’s souls are burning,
yet more day by day,
For fear of offense,
Nothing do we say.

I might risk my job,
Make the boss mad at me;
If the gospel I give,
To that vile employee

Though countless will perish,
For eternity burn,
Don’t ask me to witness,
Don’t seek my concern.

To yield unto God’s Word,
I cannot, you see;
Lest one I offend,
And they wont like me.

So I’ll just wait for Jesus,
To sweep me away;
When he calls with a shout,
That grand Rapture day

When the Trump shall resound,
Translated we’ll be,
I wonder how many Are going with me.

Will my children, my parents,
My spouse next to me,
Make it to Heaven,
For Eternity?

The man at the Store,
Who I joked with today,
Will he make it to Heaven,
On that Rapture Day?

My neighbor, my friend,
My enemy as well;
Have I told them enough,
To spare them from Hell?

(- Pastor Craig Moss, 12/22/12)

A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.