When it shall come to pass that there shall be born into thy household a girl child then thou shall with all diligence teach her the commandments which I give unto thee this day that she be not a blot upon thee or thy church or the university in thy basement.

For women are a deep ditch and a narrow pit, tempting men perpetually to eat of the forbidden fruit. For so fell Eden and likewise fell Brother Tim’s Sunday School class when that little hussy had her way with him. Be always therefore watching and praying. And depending on which woman you’re watching you may need to pray even the more. Amen.

And upon thy wives and upon thy daughters and upon thy daughter’s daughters thou shalt with all diligence exercise “headship” (which we are pretty sure involves never doing the dishes). For in the day that they shall cause some young preacher boy to stumble and ruin his ministry then shall the congregation look at the women of thy house with derision and recall that one time when you let them wear pants to play in the snow and thy shame shall be great.

But if thou thyself should fall into the trap of a woman’s wiles be not downcast no greatly discouraged. It’s her fault and everybody knows it. For women were created in the beginning for the purpose that they should be a stumbling block to men (and sometimes also useful for housework.)

But concerning men we have no real commandment. Men are awesome except that they’re suckers for women.

Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements p 69.