The real irony here is that Dave Hyles is apparently the stand-in for God in stopping hanky-panky. If only somebody had been around to stop him too…
Category Archives: Standards
SFL Flashback: Secondary Separation
This post was originally featured in October of 2010
“If it is safe not to run with the wrong crowd, then it is safer not to run with the crowd who runs with the wrong crowd.” ~ Jack Hyles
How to be Completely and Totally Separated in a Few Easy Steps
Step 1: Hey, that guy is a godless liberal heathen. I’m going to separate from him!
Step 2: Hey, you are friends with that godless liberal heathen guy. I’m going to separate from you too!
Step 3: Hey, you are friends with that friend of a godless liberal heathen. Guess you’re on my separation list as well!
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Step 6,697,254,041: I’m now the most separated and holy individual on the planet. I also own 28 cats.
“Unspokens”
Counsel vs. Gossip
The Big Questions
At what point on a woman’s ankle, shin, or knee does a dress go from “modest” to “street walker”? There must be an absolute to this. God is not the author of confusion.
How much percussion is too much? Can we clap on the beat? May we use the timpani as long as we don’t call them “kettle drums”? How pronounced does the back beat have to become before the devil gets in you?
How pure must my KJV remain? If I spilled hot chocolate on a page and now the lineage of Mikloth the father of Shimeam is mostly a blur do I need to dispose of it entirely for fear of having corrupted the text? If so is it ok if I use the same procedure that I do for the American flag in dealing with the remains?
Am I responsible for the souls of every person I meet or just the ones I meet on Thursday evenings between 6 and 9 p.m.? If it’s the former, what is the best way to keep three or four hundred tracts on hand at all times? (Walmart is busy this time of year).
Is the preacher ever wrong? What’s the divine punishment for evil questioning? I hope it’s not as bad as the one for skipping Sunday School but if so could I speak to someone about breaking the other leg this time?