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Update #1: Changed some of the text in the last panel to make it a little more clear.
Category Archives: Standards
Encouragement, Trieber Style.
The following letter apparently went out from “pastor” Jack Trieber to all of his supported missionaries. I’m sure if you’re trying to plant IFB churches in the strangely unconverted fields of wherever-there-are-heathens receiving a missive like this must really be a blessing to your heart.
Here it is submitted for your reading pleasure with a few annotations by yours truly.
From: Tom Apusen [redacted]
To: [redacted]
Sent: Wednesday, August 14, 2013 1:40 PM
Subject: Letter from Pastor TrieberDear Missionary
Greetings from the North Valley Baptist Church! We are experiencing an incredible summer here in beautiful
Northern California. God has been so good to us.For the past thirty-eight years, the North Valley Baptist Church has been faithful in its prayer and financial support of its missionaries. I can assure you that your names are being brought before our Lord on a weekly basis. By the grace of God, we look forward to continuing this relationship with you.
Oftentimes as I read newsletters from supported and prospective missionaries, I become mystified at the apparent changes in spiritual direction. Many missionaries are dropping their independent, fundamental Baptist stance and adopting the practices of a liberal crowd. I would like to remind and encourage you that, since you became a missionary with the North Valley Baptist Church, we have not changed. We still believe that Christians ought to do these things:
1. Be faithful to all services—Sunday school, Sunday morning, Sunday night, and mid-week
2. Give tithes and offerings
3. Go soul-winning every week
4. Live holy lives!
o Avoid the movie theater and blasphemous entertainment.
o Men, keep your hair cut and do not wear jewelry.
o Ladies, wear modest skirts and dresses.
o Stay sound in the faith, and stand for old-time religion.
o Preach God’s Word.
o Sing songs, hymns, and spiritual songs—not contemporary or rock-and-roll music.
o Use only the King James Bible. I realize that many of you are on foreign fields and work with various
languages; but those in English–speaking countries should use only King James.
o Get information from fundamental resources, not from compromising material.Multiple missionary comments and pictures on social media sites [ed. Big Brother is watching you!] have also been alarming to me. The beach, activities, and casualness are regularly being posted instead of ministries, baptisms, and services. God’s Word says, “Always abounding in the work of the Lord.”
I also believe that as servants of God we ought to concern ourselves with our physical condition. Recently, I saw a picture of an overweight missionary family [ed. On SFL, perhaps?]. It was very obvious that their weight would restrict them in their work of Christ. I am not suggesting that everyone must be slim and trim and weigh 100 lbs., but I do think it is very important that we eat right and keep our bodies under control so we can serve the Lord to the best of our abilities.
Please do not think I am trying to single out or dismiss any of our missionaries. We most certainly want to keep you as our missionary, and we are grateful that you are representing the King of kings on foreign fields in our stead. However, we do want to make sure our missionary offerings are being sent to missionaries who mirror the philosophies and direction of our ministry. All I ask is that you please give an honest evaluation of your ministry in comparison to that of the North Valley Baptist Church. I am not looking for “sinless perfection” or hyper-fundamentalism. Our ministry is an open book, and you can capture what we believe through our archived services online at http://www.nvbc.org/.
If, however, you find that your ministry assessment is contrary to our beliefs and objectives, we will not
immediately drop your support; we will undoubtedly wait until you are home on furlough so you can find another ministry to replace our support. It is imperative that we support missionaries who share our principles and vision for the cause of Christ.Thank you for your consideration of this letter. God bless you, and thank you for serving the King of kings.
Your friend,
Bro. Trieber
“Your friend”? With friends like that I think I’d pretty much swear off having friends.
A Dress Code
I have one more guest post that was submitted last week to share with you! The author is choosing to remain anonymous.
Victory Faith Bible KJV1611 Baptist Church Dress Code for Ladies’
1. That which pertaineth to a man
Ladies’ must abstain from all appearance of evil. That means our ladies’ here at VFBKJV1611 Baptist Church should not where pants or shorts.
2. Tops
Blouses and dresses must reach the colorbone and be buttoned all the way up. If the buttons gap open at the bust, ladies’ should go up a size or use safety pins to avoid having their braziers showing, which can be very tempting to our young men and therefore inappropriate. Blouses should be full and not darted, which means there should be no ungodly emphasis on the waistline or underbust. Arms should be no shorter than the elbow. Sheer materials should be avoidable, but if you must wear a sheer blouse, also wear a skin-collared brazier and a full slip to conceal you’re nakedness. Tee shirts, tank tops and other immodest tops are not acceptable.
3. Skirts
Skirts should be at least 3 inches below the knee so that you can sit, kneel and otherwise move around without expositing your knee. Your skirt should also be at least a-line and preferably circle or very full to avoid drawring unnecessary attention to your legs. The waist should hit at your natural waist (low waistts are not acceptable) and be gathered to avoid unnecessary attention to the hips. Your skirt should have no slits. Kick pleats should not be necessary if your skirt is properly full. All ladies’ should where a slip with their skirts to avoid immodest exposure that could lead to lustful thoughts.
4. Culottes
Box pleat culottes are required for outdoors activities, but we ask that our ladies’ not where them to services. Culottes should follow the same rules as skirts and reach at least 3 inches below the knee and be sufficiently full that we do not see the shape of your legs. Also, if you canot do it modestly in culottes, you should rethink doing it at all. It may just not be a ladylike actvitiy.
5. Legs
We know you have them. We do not want to see them. Please wear nylons or tights to conceal the flesh of your legs. Closed-toed shows are not mandatory, but we do ask our ladies’ to consider the fleshly desires of our gentlemen and dress accordingly. Heels that excessively “bunch up” the calf are nightclub attire, not church attire. Bobby socks and canvas tennis shoes are acceptable for certain functions. Please ask Mrs. Pastor for more information.
6. Hair
The KJV1611 says long hair is a glory. We request that our ladies’ discuss their hair with their husbands or fathers to determine the most appropriate hair length for godly glory. Hair should be a natural color (no red, pink or blue, please!) and cut in a flattering, modest manner that does not bring undue attention to our godly ladies heads.
7. Makeup and jewelry
Ladies, if the barn needs painting, paint it, but avoid whoriehs excessiveness. Lipstick should be natural-colored, and leave the false eyelashes at home! Jewelry should be limited to (one) wedding ring and (one) engagement rink. GOD Himself tells us that peircings are a sign of slaves, not godly women, so skip them!
8. Bodies
We understand that ladies come in all shapes and sizes. That said, ladies who are thin should consider the effect of their vanity on their soles. Ladies who are bigger need to worry about their husbands’ soles and maybe lose some weight so their husbands are not tempted to stray. The rest of you ladies need to wear looser-fitting clothes to conceal your hips and other lady areas. We recommend jumpers since these offer the best coverage of (we apologize for our course language) curves.
9. Other
Any other concerns not already mentioned can be discussed with our godly pastor or any of the deacons, who would be happy to set up a private appointment to discuss your modesty needs or evaluate a particular outfit.
10. Visitors
We understand that nonmebers may arrive wearing inappropriate clothing. Although we are always happy to welcome new people, we do feel it is important to emphasize modesty to protect our men from lustful thoughts. If you notice a visitor lady who is wearing a tight skirt, pants or a low-cut blouse, please let her know we love her as a sister, and offer her one of our spare sweaters (they are located in the church foyer’s coat rack) to wear over her top or place over her bottom half while she is sitting.
We appreciate all our sisters’ in Christ taking the time to keep our church modest! Let us know if there is any way we can support you in this endeavor.
Please sign and date this document to signify your agreement to the dress code.
Signed
___________________________________________________________________________
Date
___________________________________________________________________________
SFL Flashback: Car Codes of Conduct
This post was originally featured on SFL in July of 2010.
Since its inception, the primary purpose of the automobile has always been to provide venue for pastors to lose their testimonies. It may also (as a strictly secondary function) provide some modicum of useful transportation.
It is a well known fact in fundamentalism that even the most restrained and moderate of people lose all self-control once they set foot in a motor vehicle. Unless carefully monitored, riding in a car with a member of the opposite sex can lead to fornication, drunkenness, and head-on collisions with trains — possibly all three at the same time.
In the interest of preventing these unfortunate occurrences, the following rules should be observed by any fundamentalists who intends to travel by automobile.
– Pastors should never enter a car with a woman. Ever. If that means leaving her to be eaten by wolves then so be it. Your ministry is too important to risk.
– If two people who are dating should happen to need to travel together for sanctioned ministry purposes such as traveling too and from Bible college, they must travel in no smaller vehicle than a 15 passenger van and be seated for maximum separation distance between them. Please consult the following chart:
– If two people are currently pretending not to be dating so they can sit together on the long, long missions trip to Mexico they must be separated at all times by the width of a King James Bible (Wide Margin, Oxford Press, 1769 edition, 3rd printing).
– Chaperons shall be strategically placed in the vehicle in such a manner that all hands, feet, elbows, and knees are in plain view at all times. If a chaperon is unavailable this task may be relegated to a child who has demonstrated great alacrity in the tattling department.
– Every trip shall begin with a prayer in which the driver shall make it clear to all within earshot that the continued safety of all passengers from accident or freak avalanche depends on the above rules being kept with utmost vigor.
Observe these rules well and it may be possible to keep the inevitable vehicular orgies to a bare minimum. And keep an eye out for those oncoming trains.
Breaking Bad (By Being Good)
Hey, man. Can you hook me up? I need something right now. I heard a rumor that you just got in a fresh batch of rules. C’mon man, I’m really hurting here. How about just a little bump of guilt? Just give me a few hits of those sweet, sweet standards to help me level out.
Please. I’m begging you, man. Just give me one more rule. How about give me just a ‘teenth, man. Just give me a sixteenth commandment to add to my spiritual walk and that will be all I need, I swear. I won’t do any more after this. I’m gonna get clean and go back to my sobriety of grace but you know how it is, I can’t even think straight when I’m like this.
I just need some a few more statutes and precepts, man. Help a brother out! Anything you’ve got. I’ll take whatever. A decree? An edict? You can even make fun of my clothes, man. Just lay it on me. I’m in bad shape here.
Sure, you know I’ll pay anything. You want a cut of my income? Done. You want me to work for you for free on weekends, you know I’m good for it, man. Hey, let me sweeten the deal, you want my kid’s future? You want him to worship you and love you more than he loves me? I’ll make it happen for you, man. Just give me what I need.
Just give me the guilt, man. Just make me believe I’m bad. I can’t live without it.
Yes, this is what happens when I slam down an entire season of Breaking Bad over a weekend.