Fundamentalists love to reference Ezekiel 22:30 “I sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap.” Those are indeed inspiring words that invoke all kinds of images of valiant struggles of days gone where a few men would hold off hordes of the enemy.
In reality, however, if the call is the spiritual equivalent joining the fight at Thermopylae, fundies are instead out bravely defending an ice floe somewhere in the arctic wasteland completely unaware that nobody actually cares if they hold that ground or not.
What do you do if you’re standing in the gap defending and nobody cares enough to try attacking? What if after you’ve raised your Authorized Sword and screamed out “You shall not pass!” you suddenly realize that the enemy is fighting on a different spiritual or cultural battlefield altogether?
The answer is simple. Quickly write to the editor of a like-minded fundy periodical and declare victory.
Hey, look! It’s the guy from our Fundamentalist Website of the Week on June 17th! Interesting to find out from the news report that the church has a total of 14 members.
Although there are exceptions, fundamentalists generally believe that celebrating Halloween is tantamount to worshiping the Devil himself. So to avoid celebrating this wicked holiday by dressing up in costumes and going door-to-door looking for candy, some of them instead dress up in costumes (no witches, ghouls, or Obama costumes, please) and go to the church gymnasium looking for candy.
Who says that fundamentalists don’t appreciate nuance?
In fundamentalist circles there is a definite pecking order to sins committed. Being a former drug addict or murderer is actually a plus since it makes for a great testimony and turns you into a walking example of the transformational power of the gospel. On the other hand, being divorced in fundy circles consigns one to the kind of second class positions reserved for those who struggle with homosexuality and people who admit to having voted for Bill Clinton.
To a fundamentalist there is never a good reason to get divorced. Even if one’s spouse turns out to be a combination of Jack the Ripper and Attila the Hun the fundy code insists that there can be no escape clause from the eternal bonds of matrimony. And the ex-Mrs. Hun still doesn’t qualify to teach Sunday School or be on the missions committee lest others in the church see her example and be tempted to unwittingly marry a marauding philanderer.
It would appear that the only recourse for the fundy divorcee who wishes to have a place in ministry is to move to a remote part of Florida and start their own King James Only sect.
Evidently sites that fall into the objectionable category include Facebook, Blogger, YouTube, and Wikipedia. If someone there on campus could let me know if this site is blocked, I’d appreciate it.
A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.
Fundamentalists love to reference Ezekiel 22:30 “I sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap.” Those are indeed inspiring words that invoke all kinds of images of valiant struggles of days gone where a few men would hold off hordes of the enemy. 
In fundamentalist circles there is a definite pecking order to sins committed. Being a former drug addict or murderer is actually a plus since it makes for a great testimony and turns you into a walking example of the transformational power of the gospel. On the other hand, being divorced in fundy circles consigns one to the kind of second class positions reserved for those who struggle with homosexuality and people who admit to having voted for Bill Clinton.