Finally, we have some unintentional truth being spoken on Facebook. Apparently, fundamentalist adults have all the wisdom, discernment, emotional maturity, and spiritual fortitude of a small child. Anything not rated G is just too much for them to handle.
One has to wonder if they’ve ever read the Old Testament.
And when it shall come to pass that thou and thy kindred and thy manservants and maidservants (or “church staff” as they are now called) shall think upon the good old days that thou shalt in no wise remember the bad things that have happened and remember only the good. For in the day that thou shalt call to mind any scandal or heresy or really funny blooper committed by a fundamentalist then shalt it be known that thou art bitter and “stuck living in the past.” And they shall shake their heads at thee and their tsking sounds of displeasure shall be loud in thine ears.
But if thou shalt recall only those things that are good, and funny, and that one time when we had a great time at that youth outing playing Chubby Bunny then shalt it be said that thou art right and just and a real good sport. And nobody shall in any case accuse thee of being a rabid sycophant who is obsessed with days gone by nor shall they tell that thou needest to just move on with thy life and probably go soulwinning more or something. For to remember only the good is the best choice of all.
And if thy church or thy college or thy family or thy fundy friends hath lied to thee or stolen from thee or done thee grievous injury then what is the big deal? Shalt thou dwell upon it for all time? Are not there lost people who need rescuing from the very fires of hell this moment? Nay, if thou value thy fundy cred and thy very soul thou shalt join the happy few who have decided that bad things never actually happened and that the good times were extra especially amazing.
So shalt thou rewrite the past and move on with thy life and thy manservants and thy maidservants and their children’s children shall rise up and call thee blessed (if a bit clueless).
Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements, p 97
After a chapel message wherein Bob III addressed his stance on interracial dating/marriage, “Peter” sent a letter simply asking how BJU could take this this position since Moses had married an Ethiopian.
The response from BJII is below, exemplifying all of the grace, compassion, and wisdom that one would expect from a fundamentalist. Can you spot the bit where he goes really off track on the matter of which races are which?
To answer the question I posted above, here’s a picture of Emperor Haile Selassi I, “the famous white dude” and his wife.
One can only imagine that all through history people like the Joneses had in their possession a a sacred color wheel that they passed down through the generations to determine who is morally allowed to date whom based on shade, tint, and hue.
And you can get 3 of these beauties for only $21.99!