If you’ve ever heard a preacher multiply the number of cubits in Noah’s Ark by the width of the wilderness tabernacle and then add the numeric equivalent of the Hebrew letters for the word “potshard” to come up with proof positive that there will be a pre-tribulation rapture…you might be a fundamentalist.
Admittedly the above example is a bit extreme. Therefore, in the interests of accuracy, please consider this real life example that I am not making up from the website of the good folks at Gethsemane Anabaptist Church.
Number 9
Fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22).
Galatians is the ninth book in the New Testament. It is spelled with nine letters.
Holy Bible is spelled with nine letters, as in King James.
Isaiah 9:6 promised fruit from God.
1611 adds up to nine.
For more numerology fun and games check out the meaning of numbers site from biblestudy.org.
For this week’s Friday Challenge I’d like to invite you to visit the online Church Sign Maker and put together your favorite fundy church sign either from real signs you’ve seen or ones you’ve imagined.
You can either post them in the comments section or e-mail them to stufffundieslike@gmail.com to have them posted here.
If you’ve ever referred to women as a “help meet” for men you might be a fundamentalist.
The use of this phrase is an odd phenomenon pulled from Genesis 2:18 where the Lord says, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Translated in other ways God is saying that He will make man a helper “fit for”, “corresponding to” or “suitable for” him. But one supposes calling a woman a “help corresponding” just doesn’t have the same ring to it and more importantly those phrases do not imply that a woman’s main function is to meet a man’s needs.
There’s no record of who started using “help-meet” as a noun but it’s clear that fundies think that’s what the King James Bible intends for us to do. It’s hard to say what they’d think of husbands being called “lover submitters” per Ephesians 5. I’m sure they’d consult the Greek and find it lacking.
If you’ve ever been asked what your birth date is and responded like this “My birthday is August 13th and my spiritual birthday is June 18th”…you’ve probably been a fundamentalist.
Knowing the date of your second birthday is imperative. If that day and hour are not emblazoned on your consciousness then there’s a good possibility that you didn’t really, really, really mean it. Since really, really meaning it is what actually gets you saved, not knowing the specifics may mean you never were.
If you ever find yourself having lost your salvation date do not panic. There is always a chance to get saved again just to be sure; just be careful not to take a chance on losing it this time by writing down today’s date in the front of your Bible for safe keeping. Then make sure to carry that Bible with at all times. You never know when some other fundamentalists will ask your birthdays.
If you’ve ever heard a preacher multiply the number of cubits in Noah’s Ark by the width of the wilderness tabernacle and then add the numeric equivalent of the Hebrew letters for the word “potshard” to come up with proof positive that there will be a pre-tribulation rapture…you might be a fundamentalist. 
If you’ve ever referred to women as a “help meet” for men you might be a fundamentalist.
If you’ve ever been asked what your birth date is and responded like this “My birthday is August 13th and my spiritual birthday is June 18th”…you’ve probably been a fundamentalist.