Category Archives: Odds and Ends

Commandments Concerning The Honoring of Copyrights

nocopyright

And when it shall come to pass that thy church shall be blessed with a photocopy machine such as is meet to replace the old mimeograph that is held together with duct tape then shall thy heart greatly rejoice and be glad. For in that day thou shalt not cease to make as many copies as is pleasing to thee of whatever happens to be lying around. Spare not to copy sheet music and Sunday school materials and Christian school curriculum and whatsoever thy hand findest to do. For thou art a ministry and this is not thievery but merely good stewardship.

Of thy software also feel free to make many copies, one for every computer in thy office and in thy home and in thy missionary’s travel trailer parked out back of the church lo these six weeks. For in the day that thou shalt actually pay money to Microsoft for its office then verily thou might start paying for everything else. For thus saith the scriptures: “Be fruitful and multiply” and we’re sure that applies somehow or other if you think about it long enough.

But of the enforcement of copyright we do have this sure word: it is really useful for taking down websites that share two minutes and thirty seconds of publicly available video of what your pastor was up to in chapel this week. So shalt thou smite thy enemies on the hip and thigh and show them that you are a force to be reckoned with.

Amen?

Tonight I’d like to preach to you on the topic “Sinful Sinners are Bound to Be Barbecued”, don’t you just love that?

There are so many sinners in this country, don’t you think that’s great? They’re growing and multiplying and waxing worse and worse, can you affirm that with me? Why it seems like every day they think of some new and creative way to sin, c’mon and say that you give your blessing to that right there.

We’ve got whores and whoremongers everywhere, let it be so!

We’ve got people smoking dope and sniffing dope and shooting dope and who knows what all else ways they’re taking it, let it be so!

We’ve got filth being peddled from every screen in your house twenty-four hours every day, let it be so!

Now I know what some of you are thinking, that preacher is fat, don’t you affirm it? And you think that gluttony is just as bad a sin as being a murderer, don’t you agree? But I’m here to tell you that I’ll answer to God for my sins someday but as your pastor I’ll answer to him for your sins too and I’m just unselfish enough to worry about you more than I do myself, now say that you’re glad that’s the way it is.

Amen: the word that doesn’t mean what you think it means.