Category Archives: Holidays

Holidays

Ignoring MLK

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Growing up in fundyland I never really knew who Martin Luther King Jr. was. We didn’t skip school or do anything special on the holiday commemorating his life. His name wasn’t mentioned from the pulpit nor was his biography on any reading list. As far as we knew, who he was and what he accomplished just wasn’t that important.

I suppose it’s not all that surprising given the Bob Jones university reportedly refused to fly their flag at half mast when Dr. King was assassinated. If the words “civil rights” are ever mentioned in the hallowed halls of Fundy U it’s inevitably with suspicion and more than a little disdain. Troublemaker. Apostate. Leftist.

I only wish we had a few more troublemakers like him. Happy birthday, sir. Rest in peace until the day of your resurrection.

Holidays

ASK CMG: Holiday Movies and Greetings

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Note: there has been a delay in starting this column due to some tragic goat-related accidents on a recent missions trip as well as a sudden onset of a whooping cough epidemic shortly after return. We sincerely hope that none of you have died or backslidden for lack of wise counsel.

Dear CMG,

The Holiday Season is fast approaching and I was wondering what Christmas Movies you would recommend for me and my wife?

Also, how should I respond when someone wishes me “Happy Holidays”?

Sincerely,
Miguel from Malibu

Dear Miguel,

Thank you for your question about the season when Christians all
around the world celebrate the birth of Christ. A Christmas film that
I can recommend is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I like it because it
shows the evils of alcohol and the love of money, the women are all
dressed modestly, and it shows people going to church. I would
recommend “A Charlie Brown Christmas” to the over-18 crowd. It has
many sarcastic and cutting remarks in it that aren’t good for little
ears to hear. Also, make sure that you are not singing any of the
secular Christmas songs. It really can introduce a depressing aspect
into your celebration of Jesus’ Birthday.

If someone wishes you a “Happy Holiday”, you could ask (as Pastor
Backlow recommends) “Did you mean ‘Happy HOLY-day’??” and stare
intently at them until they understand your meaning. You could also
ask if they would like to come to your church’s musical called “Keep
CHRIST in Christmas Or It’s Just Another Day”. I think you can order
it from Fundamental Music Company. You have to do it over the phone
because the man who runs it doesn’t have a website since the Patriot
Act passed. I wear this shirt to Wal-Mart in December:

I hope your Christmas was a good one and that you will be attending
the Watch Night Service at your church! We will be watching “Sheffy”
at my church and there will be a ping-pong table in the Fellowship
Hall for the youth. We may play Dutch Blitz or Biblical Charades if
we have enough time.

In Modest Apparel,
CMG

Do you have a question or problem and need some wise advice? Send it to CampMeetingGirl via the contact page or e-mail it to askcmg@stufffundieslike.com

Holidays, Poetry

Fundy Christmas Day 12: Merry Christmas

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There are so many things that bring joy to this season:
Carols and presents and remembering the Reason
the angels brought tidings of Peace and Goodwill.
Wise Men, they’ve told us, are seeking Him still.

But for fundies the Christmas joys hardly end there;
There are so many other great moments to share…

Looking for Santa and KJV cards
Decoding the prophets and missing by yards
Correcting traditions of donkeys and of kings
Giving a Bible instead of mere things
Singing cantatas with someone’s demise
And not using “Xmas” which fundies despise
Santa gets shot which is greeted with cheers
and canceling Sunday once each seven years
Claiming that Joseph was quite an old geezer
(Yes, making up stuff is a certain crowd-pleaser)

But here on this blog we’ll remember with laughter
all of that nonsense we once followed after
Then give thanks to God we’ve now taken flight
Merry Christmas to each of you and to each a good night.