Category Archives: education
College Promotional Videos: MBBC Edition
I’m Gunna Apply from Maranatha Baptist Bible College on Vimeo.
I very, very rarely do this on this site but I have to give this video some serious kudos. The fundies in the frozen north are upping their game. This video is funny, it’s engaging, and it’s clever. I loved the shots taken at “made up universities” with degrees that aren’t good enough.
It’s almost like they’ve been reading this site…
Thanks to Eric for passing this along.
A Snowball’s Chance
The description for this video reads: “Outside during a fire drill Dr. Schaap challenged a group of girls to hit him with a snowball.”
Does this whole scene strike anybody else as just a bit off? I can’t quite put my finger on it but the whole thing just makes me twitchy.
Privileged
Those of us who went to Fundy U have all met the “Company Student” who feels it is their solemn duty to defend and promote the school no matter what. I’d like to pay them tribute with the following bit of painful drivel…
What a privilege it is to go to school at such a fine institution! I count myself blessed to have been admitted at all given the high admissions standards of having a pulse and a credible salvation testimony. I just keep pinching myself to make sure it’s not some kind of fantastic dream!
It’s a privilege to be made to get out of bed at 6:30 each morning and do my required devotions before putting on my carefully regulated clothing and running off to class. What a joy and delight to pay to take required classes from teachers with no degrees on topics that contain no marketable value and no visible scholarship. Then it’s off to chapel where glory is heaped upon glory as we are blessed by preaching from men who knows that it is better to have volume than veracity. My heart overflows.
It’s a privilege to round out my day at my on-campus job where I wash dishes for sub-minimum wage knowing that in the case of accident or injury I will be called upon to sacrifice my own health and well-being for the school by confessing that everything was all my own fault. Oh what a joy when the workday is over and I can spend ten glorious minutes gazing unblinkingly upon my betrothed sweetheart from a distance of six inches away. How sweet to be able to nod goodnight and then go our separate ways back to the dorms before mandatory lights out at eleven o’clock.
If heaven is full, I hope God sends me back to live here. It’s the closest thing to heaven on earth. I would even be happy to keep paying tuition for all eternity!
What a Life! What a School! What a Privilege!
Commandments Concerning The Start of A Bible College
For when it shall come to pass that thou shalt have spread thy seed and grown a church and hast watered it and fertilized it with such manure as is meet then shalt thou consider the words of this commandment to begin the work of a Bible College. For if thou desirest to be a real somebody and a household name wherever such of thy ilk are spoken of then thou must possess an institution of learning wherewith to train young minds and subvert old ones. Also it doth mean you’ll always have lots of young women around which is never a bad thing.
And the naming of thy college shall be a simple task for thou shalt simply name it for thyself. And when thy son and thy son’s son shall inherit all thy kingdom then shall everybody know that they too are in charge since their name is on everything. So shall thine heritage never depart from the earth as it is written “how majestic is your name.” And so it is.
And when thou has chosen the perfect spot for thy college in the church basement and hath stocked its classrooms with end-time charts and books that thou hast written and published thineself then shalt thou make the biggest decision of all: The Issue. For The Issue shall be thine meal ticket which shall give thee a way to declare that all the other fundamentalist colleges everywhere in the world (except those run by thy cronies) are godless, heathen, wicked, and apostate. But thou shalt need to decide quickly because most of the good ones are already taken.
And if thou shalt heed the words which are in this book and shalt never cease to use the rightful tools of guilt and fear and the worship of men then shalt thy days be prosperous and thy school shall have good success. And as thy students graduate after a couple years of courses and go out to start churches of their own then shall thy fame go out throughout the land. And then you will have your reward.
But be warned. One of those young men may himself want to start a bible college…
Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements, p 49-50