Satan’s attacks are a constant topic among fundamentalists, with any number of naturally occuring events being perceived as the direct work of the Evil One.
Perhaps these claims of spiritual warfare are familiar…
“After living a life where I consumed fatty foods every day and never exercised, Satan has attacked my body and given me high blood pressure and heart disease. The devil also made me put my wallet through the washing machine this morning.”
“I was walking down dark alleys alone with ten dollar bills falling out of my pockets when a couple of thugs (who I could tell were demon possessed by their punk rock t-shirts)Â mugged me.”
“I haven’t changed my oil or had a tuneup to my car in 10 years. Then today on my drive to work, Satan attacked my car and it broke down on the side of the road. He also had sneakily drained my cell phone battery so I couldn’t call for help.”
The devil is evidently a very clever sort who disguises a lot of work as the natural result of human folly. Subtle indeed.
The recent announcement that the fallen World Trade Center buildings are going to be replaced by a new building known as the “One World Trade Center” has created a tizzy in some fundamentalist circles, serving as a reminder that fundamentalists love to frightened of a supposedly impending one-world government.
This is hardly a new phenomenon. Everything from the rumored NAFTA superhighway to the Olympics has been pointed to as evidence of Biblical prophecy unfolding before our very eyes. Before we know it, the UN is going to make a law that everyone has to learn Esperanto! Next, they’ll take away football and make us all watch soccer! Oh, the humanity!
To fundamentalists it’s all obviously part of the very slow rush towards the end of the world which has been going on for the last two thousand years and in theory may take just about forever (although fundies seriously doubt it). After all, don’t you know that the Euro has a picture of a woman riding a beast on it!! Never mind that only sixteen of about two-hundred countries use the Euro, and that the only one coin out of well over one hundred different coins carries that image. That 2 cent piece the smoking gun that fundamentalists need to prove that the EU is most definitely the seat of the anti-Christ who will no doubt be making an appearance sometime in the not-to-distant-but-not-specifically-setting-a-date-like-those-cults future.
No prophecy conference would be complete without a little xenophobia mixed with some wild guesses ripped from the headlines. The end of the world is here again.
There are a couple of recurring characters in fundamentalist illustrations:Â the errant teenager, the king who makes employment decisions based on fantastical tests involving driving a coach near the edge of a cliff, and the ever-present God-hating atheist.
The atheist is a great character for a story because he’s a polarizing figure. Like the man in the black hat in a an old western, it’s obvious who’s side he’s on. It’s no accident that there are very few sermon illustrations involving Unitarians, the Amish, or others who just generally get along with everybody. Also, in a country where over ninety percent of people claim to believe in some kind of God, it’s easy enough to claim whatever you’d like about atheists; chances are there won’t be one in attendance to contradict you.
Whether the atheist is standing in a park challenging God to strike him dead, verbally fencing with a surprisingly astute freshman at a university, or being converted on his deathbed by an evangelist, the story is sure to be equal parts gripping and appalling. It’s even better if you name a famous atheist in your story — whether or not you can actually document that it’s true. Fundamentalists never let a lack of source material get in the way of a good story. Voltaire would hardly recognize himself.
The fool hath said in his heart there is no God. But at least while he’s at it he provides a lot of good illustration material. fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt.
Judgment day is a favorite subject for fundamentalists. The thought of the wicked finally getting their dues makes them positively cheerful. Even more delightful is the idea that the whole of humanity will get to see every sin and evil though committed by their friends and neighbors up on the heavenly big screen. What a day that will be.
This threat of public humiliation in front of (literally) God and everybody is a great motivator for fundies and is carefully taught to fundamentalists children. “Some day, we’ll all watch you up there on that screen and we’ll know everything you’ve thought, said, smoked, climbed or yodeled. You’d better watch out!” It’s even better than threatening a child with the wrath of Santa Clause.
It may seem strange that God would feel the need to remind us of sins that He said He has as good as forgotten about. But then, what’s the fear motivation in absolute forgiveness? Too much grace just isn’t useful.
Hopefully there will be popcorn to go with the movie.
Nothing is more bizarre to the outside observer of fundamentalism than seeing two fundies who have almost come to blows because each believes that the other is not a “true fundamentalist.” In fact, it’s every bit as fascinating as watching two Trekkies argue over the design of an anti-matter drive. Not only is it impossible to win such a fight but it wouldn’t really matter even if you did.
The list of tests of true fundamentalism has become quite lengthy over the year and gathered to itself more than a little weirdness. Questioning a person’s fundamentalist credibility may involve asking things such as… Has any child of theirs ever worn their baseball cap backwards? Have they ever had a face lift? Does their church’s hymnbook remove the word ‘worm’ from the first verse of At the Cross? Have they been observed at the mall walking in rhythm with the rock music playing? Then they may not be a true fundamentalist.
Do they believe that Jesus had a belly button? Do they not believe that Cain had one? Are they waiting for a mid-trib rapture? Do they believe Revelation 2 and 3 might just be talking about churches instead of church ages? Do they allow canned music in their services? They’re obviously too liberal to be a true fundamentalist.
Indeed, there are only true fundamentalists left: me and thee. And I have my doubts about thee.
A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.
The recent announcement that the fallen World Trade Center buildings are going to be replaced by a new building known as the “One World Trade Center” has created a tizzy in some fundamentalist circles, serving as a reminder that fundamentalists love to frightened of a supposedly impending one-world government. 
There are a couple of recurring characters in fundamentalist illustrations:Â the errant teenager, the king who makes employment decisions based on fantastical tests involving driving a coach near the edge of a cliff, and the ever-present God-hating atheist.
Judgment day is a favorite subject for fundamentalists. The thought of the wicked finally getting their dues makes them positively cheerful. Even more delightful is the idea that the whole of humanity will get to see every sin and evil though committed by their friends and neighbors up on the heavenly big screen. What a day that will be.
Nothing is more bizarre to the outside observer of fundamentalism than seeing two fundies who have almost come to blows because each believes that the other is not a “true fundamentalist.” In fact, it’s every bit as fascinating as watching two Trekkies argue over the design of an anti-matter drive. Not only is it impossible to win such a fight but it wouldn’t really matter even if you did.