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Category Archives: Doctrine
Finding Sin In The Camp
Once upon an Old Testament time there was a man named Achan who ignored God’s orders and took a five-fingered discount on some bling while plundering and pillaging the city of Jericho. The end result was that a bunch of people died because he had brought sin into the camp.
The cry of “there’s sin in the camp” is one that’s greatly loved by fundamentalists as a reason why bad things are happening or good ones aren’t. After all, God may want to do a great and mighty work here but that dime novel you’ve got hidden in the corn crib is standing in His way! Get the sin out of the camp!
The “I got the sin out of the camp” tale is a favorite type of war story for evangelists. It seems that evangelists are given a special gift of looking down into the audience and seeing which specific person is the reason why revival hasn’t broken out in a service. So the evangelist’s job is to preach harder and harder until that person finally breaks down and repents in tears. The very next night 5,378 people will get saved because they got the SIN OUT OF THE CAMP! Glory!
In the realm of fundamentalist guilt trips this is a very powerful one because it puts the malefactor in the position of being guilty not only for his own sin but also for being the instrument of other people’s destruction. Nothing beats the feeling of sitting in a revival service wracking your brain to see if there’s something you did that might be keeping revival from busting out all over.
Strangely enough, little things like a pastor’s affair or a deacon’s tax fraud never stop “revival” from happening. It’s always hidden rock music and secret trips to the movies. Weird how that works.
Michael & Debi Pearl
Michael and Debi Pearl are the creative force behind No Greater Joy ministries, a source for all the resources discerning fundamentalists needs to end up in jail for beating their children.
Who knew that a book called Smack That Child Until She Stops Whimpering could end up having such terrible consequences? Ah, well. those kids probably deserved it.
Ah, but the insanity doesn’t just stop with with their child rearing advice. Here are a few video jewels from Michael’s video series where he answers Bible questions…
I don’t drink but after watching that mess, I’m thinking that it’s never too late to start. And yet many, many fundamentalists will quote these folks as the final authority on child rearing. It boggles the imagination.
Minutiae
Fundamentalists are not content to stop at merely straining at a gnats. In fact, they’ll not rest until they’ve preached an entire series of messages on the only true biblical gnat catching techniques, written a textbook for their local Bible college on Gnatology 101, and separated from at least one other organization in a dispute over which gnats are the pure descendants of those used in the early New Testament local church.
Why did the Shunammite woman’s son sneeze seven times?
Why did David pick up five smooth stones?
Why did John outrun Peter to the tomb?
Not only does a fundamentalist have the answer for these, he has the only one true and right answer. Without these correct interpretations of the most obscures details of Scripture you will be doomed to wrongly divide the Word and wander in the darkness outside the camp. Your entire life may come to shipwreck because you guessed the wrong answer to what burden of Dumah was.
No detail is too insignificant to ignore or debate. There is simply no fight that is not worth fighting to the last man.
Doubting The Salvation Of Others
Fundamentalists believe in the doctrine of Eternal Security otherwise known as the “Once Saved, Always Saved” approach to soteriology. However, this assurance robs fundamentalists of a vital tool used by other sects for keeping people in line; namely, the ability to threaten damnation for the malefactor’s eternal soul.
Not at all deterred by this, the fundamentalist simply modifies the approach slightly and instead suggests that if a person is currently in indulging in unspeakable wickedness, worldliness, and other types of wayward wandering that it’s likely they were never actually saved to start with. One way or another, if you sin you’re gonna burn.
Here’s the process.
1. The Question
“Would any true Christian be interested in reading that book?”
“Could a person who truly has the Holy Spirit happily go to that place?”
“If a person is truly born again could they really love that worldly thing?”
2. The Feigned Concern
“I’m concerned about your walk with the Lord.”
“I’m just don’t see the kind of growth that a true believer would have.”
“I think you may be self-deceived. Did you really mean it when you prayed?”
3. The Benediction
“Has there ever been a time in your life…”
“I’m going to see about getting you some spiritual counseling.”
“I will pray for you.”
Your eternal destiny is heavy price to pay for wanting to read the latest fantasy novel or listen to the radio.
By the way, if you’re going to stay in fundyland, my advice is to learn how to cry on command when confronted with these individuals. Show remorse and let them move on to the next victim. The penitent man shall pass.