The hallmark of fundamentalism is that they don’t approach a person or group with the question “how can we work together to further the kingdom?” but rather “how can we set a new land speed record for finding fault with you and then never speaking to you again?” New records are set every day.

Of all the things fundies do well, “separate from stuff” tops their list. Their ecclesiastical separation criteria is actually pretty simple. If you’re another Independent Baptist of our camp, stripe, and clan then we can be nodding acquaintances. All others will be handed a gospel tract and then promptly given over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh.

There are innumerable reasons that a fundy may cut off ties to other people or groups. Their music or dress may be a decade too recent. Their pastor may have gone to the wrong school, hosted the wrong speak, or said the wrong thing from the pulpit back in 1978. Or it may just be that a person belongs to a church where they don’t spit on the ground every time they pass a neo-evangelical. Treasonous sympathy for the enemy will not be tolerated.

Now with your permission, I’ll close out this series by rehearsing a bit of doggerel verse from last year…

Presbys don’t witness
Methodists drink
Pentecostals use tongues
(demonic, I think).
Anglican pastors preach in a dress
(And some are actual women no less!)
Lutherans take the Lord’s Supper too much
And then there are Amish, so far out of touch
The Baptist Conventions just keep compromising
On the Old Paths and Standards and Version Revising
But as for me and my house we’ll stand here alone
And wait for the Rapture to come take us home
The Body of Christ we will be, compartmental
You say “anti-social,” we say “fundamental”