Sometime around September fundamentalists dig out the big plastic trunks of sheet music and set to work on one of the largest outreach events of the year: The Annual Christmas Cantata.
Unlike the Christmas pageants at other churches, wassailing and gay apparel are shunned in lieu of a much grander tradition — if the evening is to be deemed a success, someone in the cantata’s plot has to die.
Maybe it will be a father who dies at the beginning of the story. Perhaps it will be a nice old lady who dies in the hospital after sharing her sage wisdom about the true meaning of Christmas. Better yet is the tale of an errant boy who staggers home on Christmas Eve to learn that his mother died while he was away playing the prodigal. The main thing is that there must be death by act three in order to hammer home The Message of the cantata.
The rest of the world may consider this a season to be jolly but fundamentalists know to keep the tissues handy when going to the annual cantata.
Hark the Herald Angels Sing
A Tear-Jerking Death Scene is Just the Thing.
No man knows the day or hour when Christ will return but that doesn’t stop some fundamentalists from making predictions about the century or the decade. After all, saying Christ will mostly likely come back in “this generation” isn’t strictly date setting now is it?
Scene from a fundamentalist church near you during any given prayer meeting…
“Preacher, please sign my bible.”