If you ever go on a fundamentalist youth group outing, chances are you’ll end up at the local roller rink. With so few non-worldly options to choose from for group entertainment, roller skating is a favorite activity in fundy circles.
Being fundamentalists, of course, they way they roller skate is little different from the rest of the population — if there even is anybody in the general population who still roller skates.
Since skirts are much more modest than pants when a girl is falling down in front of everyone, they are required. Alternatively a pair of stylish culottes may be worn. The music selections will also be unique, consisting of the most popular dance music from three-hundred years ago and (if it gets really wild and crazy) Southern Gospel quartets.
So strap on your roller skates and prepare to be thrilled by awkward flirting from the other fundamentalist teens. And be oh, so thankful that your church has rented out the entire roller rink and nobody else is there to witness you in a pair of culottes.
Fundamentalists would never let a woman preach in one of their churches. Some won’t even let women speak from the church platform. Yet strangely enough, women missionaries like Isabel Kuhn, Mary Slessor, and Amy Carmichael are highly praised in fundy circles.
It would seem that there is an unwritten rule that goes like this “A woman must never, never ever have spiritual authority over a man unless that man lives in a remote part of the world and has skin at least two shades darker than her own.”
It’s a fair guess that if the lady missionary in question were from Africa and her work involved instructing men in Raleigh, NC she would probably not make it into the fundamentalist hall of fame.
Bus ministries are an outreach method that involves people who live next to the Mount Zion Fundamentalist Baptist church being ferried across town to go to the Fundamentalist Baptist Church of Mount Zion. It all comes out even, though. The FBCMZ is most likely picking up kids from the MZFB neighborhood as well.
The job of a bus captain and his cohorts is not an easy one. There are countless hours of canvasing neighborhoods to root out likely riders. Then the bus crew are up and out at the crack of dawn stopping at houses and collecting all of the kids and trying to keep them safe, quiet, and occupied on the trip. After church is over, all of the bus kids must be returned home again. Week after week. Month after month. And woe be unto him who turns back from the plough — it’s almost impossible to leave a ministry once you’ve started in it.
With all the rigors of the bus ministry at least there aren’t further annoyances for the workers like needing to go through background checks…
If a boy has grown up in a fundamentalist family he’s almost certain to know the names Bill Collins, Poetry, Circus, Dragonfly, Big Jim, Little Jim, and Old Man Paddler. In fact, those characters are probably just as real to him as people he’s known in in real life.
The Sugar Creek Gang books written by Paul Hutchens involve a gang (the good, wholesome kind, not the kind with guns) of boys who encounter swamp robbers, killer bears, kidnappers, and a host of other adventures. And they do it in the most squeaky-clean way possible. If you can imagine Tom Sawyer having a Baptist deacon for a dad, you might be close to the right idea.
Living out these adventures is not a bad way to spend your hours as a kid. Spend enough time reading them and you can close your eyes and almost taste Old Man Paddler’s sassafras tea…
Three cheers for the Great Blondin for crossing Niagara falls on tightrope and providing one of the most repeated illustrations about faith (or was it grace?) to fundamentalists everywhere.
How history might have been changed if Jean Francois Gravelot had decided to become an accountant instead.
A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.
If you ever go on a fundamentalist youth group outing, chances are you’ll end up at the local roller rink. With so few non-worldly options to choose from for group entertainment, roller skating is a favorite activity in fundy circles.
Fundamentalists would never let a woman preach in one of their churches. Some won’t even let women speak from the church platform. Yet strangely enough, women missionaries like Isabel Kuhn, Mary Slessor, and Amy Carmichael are highly praised in fundy circles.
If a boy has grown up in a fundamentalist family he’s almost certain to know the names Bill Collins, Poetry, Circus, Dragonfly, Big Jim, Little Jim, and Old Man Paddler. In fact, those characters are probably just as real to him as people he’s known in in real life.