All posts by Darrell

Pastors In Suits

suitFundamentalists eschew the relaxed informality of the come-as-you-are church service. In the fundamentalist’s view the words in I Samuel 16:7 read as follows “for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart”.

Although congregations will vary, most fundamentalist pastors would not be caught dead in the pulpit without their suit and tie on. Denim is the devil’s fabric and sandals are the comfortable footwear of the father of lies. Don’t even get them started on Rick Warren’s Hawaiian shirts.

One could argue that if fundamentalists really wanted to be conservative that the obvious choice would be for pastors to wear robes. Of course that would ruing the opportunity for all kinds of disparaging remarks about Roman Catholic and Anglican clergy as “men in dresses.” Giving up such a great way to bash the papists and their ilk is just not an option.

Single breasted, double breasted, herring bone, or twenty year old plaid, the fundamentalist pastor and his suits are not easily parted. Blessed be the ties that bind.

Stories about Athiests

atheistsThere are a couple of recurring characters in fundamentalist illustrations:  the errant teenager, the king who makes employment decisions based on fantastical tests involving driving a coach near the edge of a cliff, and the ever-present God-hating atheist.

The atheist is a great character for a story because he’s a polarizing figure. Like the man in the black hat in a an old western, it’s obvious who’s side he’s on. It’s no accident that there are very few sermon illustrations involving Unitarians, the Amish, or others who just generally get along with everybody. Also, in a country where over ninety percent of people claim to believe in some kind of God, it’s easy enough to claim whatever you’d like about atheists; chances are there won’t be one in attendance to contradict you.

Whether the atheist is standing in a park challenging God to strike him dead, verbally fencing with a surprisingly astute freshman at a university, or being converted on his deathbed by an evangelist, the story is sure to be equal parts gripping and appalling. It’s even better if you name a famous atheist in your story — whether or not you can actually document that it’s true. Fundamentalists never let a lack of source material get in the way of a good story. Voltaire would hardly recognize himself.

The fool hath said in his heart there is no God. But at least while he’s at it he provides a lot of good illustration material. fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt.

Teen Missions Trips

mexico

From the missions journal of John Q. Goodwin, youth group president of the Come Out From Among Them Baptist Church of Loco, Oklahoma.

Preface: I have decided to keep a journal of our summer missions trip to Mexico. Jim Elliot kept a journal so it seems like a good idea for me to keep one too. Perhaps it will be useful to other who are going on teen missions trips with their own (hopefully Independent Baptist) churches.

Day 1: We have arrived in Mexico and are all very excited by the presence of so many sinners around us that we can witness to. I suppose there were plenty of sinners back in Oklahoma too but these sinners speak Spanish which makes them a lot more interesting. Also, we have located a McDonalds so we will not starve while we are here. The people at our hotel speak English which makes it a lot easier when we need to order room service and such.

Day 2: Spent the day with the missionary passing out gospel tracts and street preaching. Brother Benjamin, our youth pastor gave a great message this morning on the supremacy of the King James Version text, although I’m not sure many of the people really understood. Even Carlos, our interpreter seemed a bit confused during the part about Koine Greek. I can only hope that God uses these messages to really impress upon the hearts of people the importance of using the right Bible.

Day 3: I believe God is calling me to marry this girl Maria Sanchez whom I met at a the local church service yesterday. I cannot talk to her because she does not speak any English but she seems very godly and is also very good looking which makes it even easier to know this is God’s choice for me. I will attempt to learn some Spanish so that I can ask if she believes in courtship.

Day 4: Another rousing sermon today by Brother Benjamin, this time on sin. His hard preaching about cable television, internet porn, and gluttony should have a lot of folks here under conviction. You could tell how much people were responding by the way they kept shrugging and saying “internet?” over and over again. They obviously had never heard about the dangers of the world web of wickedness preached so clearly. It’s a good thing that we were here to stand in the gap.

Day 5: Today we took a rest from our labors and went sight seeing and shopping for souvenirs. Then we had a picnic on the beach where we shared testimonies about how this time in Mexico has changed our lives. Also, God has revealed to me that marrying Maria is not His will for me after all. Since we are going home tomorrow, I consider that God has shut that door. Instead I am going to marry Chastity Winkler, a girl in my own youth group. I plan to have my father talk to to her father once we get home.

Day 6: We’re on the bus and in a few minutes we’ll be back in the United States. Missions work is very rewarding but tiring as well and my sunburn from the beach trip yesterday itches a lot. It’s been a great trip and we have a lot of pictures to show the church and we can report over seven-hundred decisions for Christ being made. It could have been more but nobody in our group actually speaks Spanish. The missionary we were visiting seemed really happy that we came, at least he smiled a lot as he waved goodbye to us. I can’t wait to go back next year.

Gospel Gimmicks: Salvation Rope Tricks

gospelropeWho doesn’t love a good magic show? Giving the gospel through sleight of hand is a staple of many fundamentalist children’s outreach programs. Even adults will stop and watch someone perform a gospel presentation via an entertaining act of subterfuge and trickery.

The gospel rope tricks are some of the more popular gimmicks because they are inexpensive, quickly taught and have little risk of a spectator catching on fire. That’s always a something to look for in a magic act. The real risk here is that the trick will go very badly and the whole point will be lost. “Look boys and girls the three ropes are all…uh…well…they should have been the same…you’re all doomed.”

There’s another potential danger to gospel magic acts — they do not translate well into some more superstitious cultures. Missionaries who are a little too good at illusions may meet with charges of witchcraft. In these locations it may be better to stick with handing out Chick Tracts and fake money or run the risk of finding oneself in some very sticky situations indeed.