324 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: Guilt Trippin’”

  2. Results gathered from responses to this post:

    “Stuff Fundies Like:

    THE place for non -devotions having, beer guzzling, rock -n- roll listening, church skipping (or non attendending), tattooed, cussing, bitter back slidden evolutionists (who go in OUT doors and OUT in doors) to hang out on the internet!”

    😀 😀 😀

      1. Wait. I am a widder. I refuse to say which of the three is not pertinent.
        TOLJA I am recovered!!!! 😈 😉

        1. SIMS! Don’t read that one, above. It will shock you. (See, SFL Friends, I do not fear fundie condemnation, but I do fear Sims’ condemnation!) 😉

        2. Wait, did you DANCE with your hot neighbor? Or did you question authority? I KNOW you didn’t do the horizontal bop with him… *or DID you?*

        3. Okay, the neighbor does not enter this discussion.. You’Re giving me the heebie jeebies…. Acksherly, i am a Good Girl.

  3. Raised Catholic, not fundie, but oh yes! the guilt!!!! there’s the internal guilt from not doing what the church says we should do and then there’s the external guilt from family from not doing what the church says we should do. Double whammy!

    I feel guilty if I eat meat on Fridays during Lent. I feel guilty if I don’t go to Mass on a Holy Day of Obligation (next one is coming up on Dec 8.)

    I will NEVER let my parents know that I haven’t gone to Sunday mass on my own in over at least a year. Or that I haven’t gone to Confession in at least 5 years. I saw what my brother went through. No thanks.

    1. A recovering Catholic friend of mine and I share war stories sometimes. We’ve come to the conclusion that the only real difference between the Catholics and the Baptists is that the Catholic preachers have better uniforms. 😆

  4. I always think that I’m over the guilt, only to find that it creeps back up on me when I least expect it. A few months ago, I was spending the day at my local Renaissance Festival. I was dressed in my belly dance/non period garb due to the heat and while my clothing looks great and normal at Faire, my ‘huge tracts of land’ are front and center. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone with whom I used to attend fundy school and I actually felt a moment of nervous guilt about being recognized and a report about my lack of modesty making its way back to the church. Ahh, there’s always next season for more costuming and corsets….

    Oh, and by the way, the autocorrect on my phone tried to change the word ‘fundy’ to ‘gunshots’. I find that incredibly apropos.

  5. I forgot….

    listening to non-spiritual Christmas songs such as Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer, Sled Zeppelin, and Frosty The Snowman in addition to the traditionals.

    buying electronic techno-tinkertoys along with other nice things such as a performance car and a home (not mobile) in a decent crime-free neighborhood and not having to hear speeches about wasting God’s money where I should have given that money to the church.

    listening to Tool

    living in paralysis fearing making a wrong decision and doing something so wrong that when my life is over; I lost my salvation and then God would replay my life on the Holy HDTV in the sky and get upset and eventually open up the trap door under my feet and watch me descend into chaos while deceased former church members waived and laughed and celebrated.

    realizing it’s Jesus only and not Jesus plus something else which equals legalism.

  6. All of these posts were great reading! Really, it has been so long, I am not sure anything makes me feel actual GUILT… but I do have to quell a need to EXPLAIN myself, when I see someone I know and I have beer in the shopping cart. However, that just happened the other day, when I bought beer for the Mexican beef I was making, and I refused to explain. What strengthened my spine was the thought of SFL, for real. I don’t even care much for beer. Wine, yes. Frozen watermelon margaritas, for sure. You can see I have recovered well… 😉

  7. Going to a movie theatre. Swimming in public shirtless while wearing swim trunks instead of jeans. Going to any restaurant that has a full fledge bar or YIKES that has the word “bar” or “pub” in its name. Not listening to The Sound of Music or Patch the Pirate at the bowling alley or skating rink.

  8. Painting my nails. Oh yes. The first time I did it, I left the nail polish on for all of 2 hours before I freaked out because the the guild. I can leave it on now, but I still feel bad about it.

  9. My guilt is not being in church on Sundays, especially around Easter and Christmas. I actually got guilt-tripped by my grandmother because I didn’t go to church on Mother’s Day while I was home on school break, even though I probably was sick.

    Also, with my parents strictness on cussing, I still have a hard time with words like sh*t and f**k, even damn.

    Sexuality has its own problems too, since that topic is never talked about. We knew how we came about, but that was about it. The only thing I remember hearing is that “wait til you’re married, which will be when you’re 25, and then you’ll wait to have kids til your 30”. 😉

  10. 1. Sex: Although Im 22 and in college I’m terrified to have it. I’ve repressed my sexual prefrence for so long that I don’t even know what it is any more. I’m not gay or straight, I’m either bi or pansexual, but I don’t know which.

    2. Anime/Manga: Most of them go against everything my mother’s fundie church tried to teach me. Several of my favorites contain: Violence, alchemy/magic, vampires, demons, demon possesion, gay sex, women with little clothing, sexism, and other religions!

    3. Disney movies: One of my mom’s fundie friends was totally against disney because they promoted violence and hired gay people *Le Gasp!*

    4. Non Christian Music: One year in bible camp I made friends with a girl who had some of the same favorite “secular” bands as me. One night some pastor convinced all the kids in the camp to throw away their “secular” CDs. Everyone in my section threw out their wordly cds. Except me. Our pastor didn’t allow non-christian CDs on the church van. But when I got home, I couldn’t bring myself to throw any of my music out.

    4. My fashion sense: My parents were pretty lax when it came to what I wore (as long as it wasn’t slutty they were happy). However, I always liked things that were weird and alternative. My father was the head manager at the town arcade, and one day he gave me a necklace with the Mortal Kombat dragon on it. I showed it to some kid at sunday school. Our teacher caught me and told my mom that the necklace was possessed and to throw it away. My mom threw it out, no questions asked. I was only 8 or 9, but I felt betrayed. 🙁

  11. The pic is a pants-wearer coming out of Joann fabrics, it does not appear to be the incorrect door.

    I think she is moving quickly to not be seen in pants, and in her new short haircut.

  12. Ah guilt, it lingers and pops up at the most random times. For a long time I felt guilty for preferring to quietly live my faith instead of trying to mumble through a “witnessing opportunity” and for being reluctant to be involved in all church ministries. Then I read “Introverts in the Church” this should be required reading for any church going introvert, can’t recommend it highly enough.
    Now I feel guilty for for all the years spent ignoring the poor and needy because they where not “one of us”, for using prayer beads and written prayers instead of having “personal” daily devotions and prayer time IFB style, and for being such a pious judgmental wet blanket most of my life 😳

  13. I haven’t read through all of the posts to know if this has already been mentioned…but I still feel guilty when I enter an establishment for the sole purpose of using their restroom, but having no intent to purchase anything. I have a 4-year-old daughter and an 18-month-old son, and people genuinely and truly do not mind (if they even notice), but I still feel guilty.

    I also feel a twinge of guilt/anticipatory shame when I order a beer in public.

    And when my wife wears shorts.

    And there are still certain things I can’t even comment about on other people’s Facebook walls for fears that my fundy family will see. It’s not worth the inevitable heartache.

    Speaking of Facebook, I have some pretty rough friends who don’t have much of a filter. I’ve been known to delete some of their posts from my wall just because I don’t want fundy family reading it and getting after me.

    I’ve been married for 10 years now, and the first 3 or 4 were much less comfortable/happy/open than they should have been because there were things about our relationship and interaction that made me uncomfortable (as though I should feel guilty).

    I have a hard time entering a cross-walk against the signal, even when there’s literally no one around.

    I bought a 48-inch flatscreen earlier this year. I didn’t tell certain people about it for months because I just didn’t want to hear that I was being foolish with “God’s money”.

    Every time certain people come to my house (which isn’t often), I have to go through the kitchen and move everything incriminating out to the garage.

    Wow. Maybe I’m not nearly as well-adjusted as I think I am.

  14. My guilt reflex is so strong. I have been working on this for a long time. 8 or 9 years ago, I was completely “in” and would have made myself a basket case spending even a few hundred dollars for a nice item. I held on to the old fashioned tv for as long as I could. “We didn’t need another. It’s a waste of money to get a new one.” In the past four years, I have bought two nice t.vs, one for each area of our house. I upgraded my internet. Bought a decent used vehicle on credit. Despite this, I have huge guilt issues even today spending money on what might be wasteful or not a good “witness.” It should be noted that while the Mrs. drives said decent vehicle, I drive a 16 year old rusted out van because it still runs and drives good. 😀

    I also still wonder who watches me as I leave the liquor store with my beer or wine…last night was a community function and some friends of ours that I know don’t drink were there..I was having a beer. A twinge of guilt entered in. I was pleasantly surprised. No one said anything, in fact we had a great visit. It’s probably all in my head. Most people are too busy to notice and if they do notice they don’t care…

    1. Ohhhh yes, impure thoughts.
      Incidentally, ‘Fundy Sex Week’ actually made a big impact on my level of guilt related to that. I’m now able to think about and discuss sex, and attraction, and, uh, such, without horrid feelings of my own badness 😛

  16. I don’t feel guilty too much anymore, just reminded of habits.

    Although, a couple weeks ago, I went to see a movie with friends. We all saw different things, and my movie let out earlier than all of theirs. So, I walked to some nearby shops in the stip mall. One was a Christian bookstore. I haven’t been inside of one in decades. Also, I’m certainly not practicing, at this point I’m agnostic. However, I was curious, and wanted to see if it had the same “vibe” that those kinds of stores used to have. Well, it did. I felt so weird being in there. I was curious, but at the same time everything came flooding back. I recognized lots of things, and also could see some of them from my now “outsider” perspective. It was just a really odd feeling being in there. I browsed for quite a while. I went to the bible section and the first, very large, section was devoted to the KJV. I liked some of the styles, and I looked at a few. Then, I thought I should look at some of the other versions, I do want to read the ESV. Well, I did look at those too, but since all I knew growing up was the KJV, I opened up both the NIV and an ESV and was confused by the layout. I was just so used to the layout I was comfortable with that these new versions threw me for a loop. I ultimately left without buying one because I wanted to do more research.

    I guess this long-winded post was to say that I felt kind of guilty for being inside the store, like they would expose me as a fraud at any moment. I didn’t really feel welcome in there, even if I was just browsing.

  17. Geez, I finally got over all the guilty feelings when I turned 38. What gets me is I still get that “feeling” that if I were ever to step back on campus a squadron of K-mart cars packed with the BoJo5-O will swoop in and haul me off all because I still haven’t written that letter of apology. Despite the fact I managed a visit in 99 without that happening, that feeling was there though. And I lied. I’m 38 and I still deal with that creepy feeling I’m going to be reported by someone when I pick up a pack of Mike’s hard lemonade. I did get over the habit of returning the radio station to classical music when I pull in the driveway though. So that’s progress right? Right??? 😯

  19. Long time reader, first time poster. Just couldn’t resist this one. I struggle with saying “thank you” when complimented after singing a “special” in church, instead of “oh, I do it for the Lord.”

  20. Another first time poster here.

    My biggest one is “not being loving.” They have such a twisted definition of love! Almost anything that disappoints someone can bring the accusation of not being loving. Realizing that I can love someone and still do things they don’t like, even do things that I know will hurt them, is a huge step that I’m still struggling with. Realizing even more that I can love someone and still think that they are doing wrong, even still think that they should be restricted from certain activities…that’s even harder.

    Kind of funny how they preach about “hate the sin but love the sinner” and then use not being loving as an excuse whenever you act against them.

  21. I went to BJU and now work at a church in Seattle called Mars Hill.

    I was de-chaplained from my society
    de-prayer captianed
    I was kicked off the “Friendship Dinner” team
    and not allowed in student body programs

    Why? There was a video of me playing guitar on Facebook and someone told on me.

    Playing guitar isn’t forbidden. And I wasn’t playing “rock n’ roll”. The crime? From nathan pringles (asst. dean of men) own mouth – “Mitch you we’re up-strumming and we have a guitar policy – no up-strumming. only downward strumming”

    Dead Serious.

    I don’t feel guilty about up strumming though!

    2. When he told you about that “policy” you should have handed him a dollar and suggested he go buy himself a LIFE! Because he definitely needs one… what did they think your hand was having too much fun recklessly “upstrumming”? The more I hear about that place the more I despise it and what it stands for (not what it CLAIMS to stand for) but what it really stands for. 🙄

    3. I go to an Acts 29 church… Mark Driscoll is awesome! Were you at BJU when they kicked those guys for dancing with a christian song in the background?

    4. Could he prove that up-strumming is un-scriptural? If he can’t, tell him to go see a Christian taxidermist.

  22. I didn’t grow up super-fundy, just mild-to-moderate fundy. And my family and I drifted away from it and into a more liberal attitude so gradually that I genuinely didn’t notice how much of my childhood was fundy-affected until I started reading this site.
    Let’s see, I still feel guilty about:
    – Disobeying my parent. I’m 23, but when she tells me to do something, I still feel terrible if I don’t do it. I’m getting better with smaller things, like if she says “well go tell that girl to stop!” or “eat some carrots”. But bigger things, that’s hard. I usually have to find a way to rationalise myself out of it. She never tells me to do things that are bad, and never really orders me around, it’s just I feel I should obey what she does say. I’m starting to go ‘it says honour, not obey – I can honour without obeying’.
    – Sex. Now I’m still one of those people who plans on being a virgin (ooh, I’m blushing typing the word) until I’m married, just because I, I dunno, think it’s nice. For me, that’s what I want to do – no judgement on others implied, honest! But when it comes to having sexual thoughts, or masturbation (I can’t believe I just said that), or being aroused, I still feel guilt (though honestly this site’s ‘Fundy Sex Week’ actually helped me a whole lot with that). I even have a difficult time discussing sex in a non-academic manner. But I am getting better in this regard! And I think talking about sex is so important. And yeah.
    – Okay here’s a big one, and I really want to know if others have the same problem. Thinking well of myself. I think I was trained by the church and their interpretation of the Bible to constantly insult myself, degrade myself, belittle my own accomplishments, etc., because we’re supposed to be humble. So in the name of being humble, and not having pride, and all of that, I insult myself, I tell myself it’s no wonder people aren’t friends with me, because I’m annoying. I say that I’m not allowed to have done something well – that if I did, I’m not allowed pride in it. I have absolute crap self esteem, and am ever-so-slowly realising that when I tell myself I’m ugly and annoying, I DON’T need to feel guilt when I then try to tell myself I’m not annoying and I’m perfectly nice-looking. I feel guilty for trying to have any self esteem. And that’s one I still struggle with.
    – On a lighter note, the general watching movies and tv shows with a lot of sex or ‘dirty’ stuff in them. Shows where the sex isn’t the point of it, but is just sort of part of it; I feel quite guilty. Working on that, too. Though I still can’t watch Life of Brian without covering my eyes when Graham Chapman approaches the window sans pants 😆
    – Deciding not to go to church on Sunday, because I’m tired, or I don’t feel like it. Goodness it’s hard to not feel awful.

    1. I know, total necropost, but I had to say that with the exception of feeling guilt for watching things with sex in them, talking about sex, or feeling aroused this is me, to a tee. I’m 24 though.

      I think the only reason I’m ok with talking about sex now, and seeing it, is that I’m so far removed from fundies. My mom is a mild fundy, but I’ve been out of the “church” for 10 years now.

      I am still a virgin, but I’m not waiting for marriage, just til I feel the time is right, with the right person. Preferably someone I love.

      The not thinking well of myself is SO spot on for me too, so you’re not alone. My self esteem is utter garbage. I’m constantly working on it.

  23. -I still can’t hold the hand of my boyfriend in public in my home town in fear of someone in the church seeing us and thinking bad of my parents. I’m 24.
    -Pants. I still can’t wear pants to church. Though up north, so unfair that guys can be warm and girls bare-legged.

  24. I was congratulating myself about how long it had been since I felt guit, and then I realized that I just mask it now with belligerence. Sigh.

    1. Yes! I never feel guilty except when I think my parents or someone from my old church might see me. And when I’m aware of my guilt, I make myself feel better with belligerence.

  25. I got mixed up with the IFB churches and one Fundy college and the emotional abuse very nearly cost me my life. One of the loudest A’men shouters had been sleeping with his girlfriend while he was in Fundy seminary and she in Fundy college. Being the naive newly saved country bumkin I was I trusted anyone who bellered out a window rattling A’men every time the preacher made an agreeable point. I married that Fundy preacher’s dumped girlfriend.

    We tragically lost a baby to SIDS coming up on 32 years ago. Those Fundies came to the funeral and several blasted me verbally for crying and grieving. I was according to those obnoxious Fundies to be praising God for my son was in heaven. There’s much more I could say about the guilt tactics the Fundies use, but it’s to hard to type on my iPhone. What I will say is to look at the fruit. I’ve seen too many sin-cursing A’men shouting Fundy preachers get fought with their pants down with someone other than their spouse. They stick around for 2 to 4 years till they’ve offended enough naive searching hungry souls and run out of people to dupe. The Lord calls them to another “flock” till they wear out their welcome there too. It’s sickening the fruitless guilt tactics they use. The “fruit” ends up being disgruntled wounded poor hungry souls that go unfed in the truths of the Word, or even worse other phonies that emulate these same worn out adnausium tactics.
    I was delivered from this hipocrasy 22 years ago. The Scriptures warn us there will be a great falling away. I am certain what I’ve seen and experienced in these obnoxious self righteous Independent Fundamental Baptist Church circles is a crucial part of the anemic weaknesses in this movement and the reason for the revolving doors.

  26. Part of me flouts the stupid rules. I love shorter skirts, lower necklines, jeans, I listen to CCM, dance in the liquor aisle, oh yeah, I LOVE ballroom dancing.

    But I feel guilty about openly showing cleavage, still can’t wear short shorts, the worst curse word I’ve said is WTH, and I skip sex scenes in movies even if they’re not even explicit and I’m by myself! I don’t know if I could wear jeans to church (definitely not my stretchy skinnies), and feel very self-conscious about showing off my shape. Even though it’s very good. Ahem.

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