Preachers

Caption Needed

191 Comments

When two fundy mogs do this:

Then I can’t help but want you to give me some captions to help describe what on earth is going on here. Whatever it is, it just ain’t right.

191 thoughts on “Caption Needed”

  1. Darrell, from whose feed did this come? Ted has blocked me, so I can’t back track from there. I was wondering if there may be more inanity to amuse me.

    3. neither one of these guys has seen their Dick in a while, except in a mirror, that much is obvious.

  5. Maybe they have figured out how to carry a baby themselves and thus don’t need any more women to lead them astray. After all subway can make sandwiches also

  6. Not just IFB’ers, but many evangelicals are quick to ‘call out’ booze, tobacco and being ‘worldly’ (etc.), but sweep gluttony & obesity ‘under the rug’. Those (latter 2) are sin(s) as well. If one wants to be ‘tough on sin’…then target all of them.

    1. I agree and get your point but I would question whether booze and tobacco are actual sins.

      1. I agree! Beer and alcohol aren’t sin, any more than the all-you-can-eat buffet is a sin. Cigarettes aren’t sin. Things aren’t sin. Sin is an action, a verb.

        We’d be better off not focusing so much on sins or sinning. Just focus in treating others with kindness and respect.

    2. gluttony is a sin. Obesity is not. There are many, many skinny gluttons in our society. A subset of the fitness fanatics work out only to eat and drink what they like, and they overindulge, and then live in the gym, hitting the exercises hard, and then repeat it all again. That’s gluttony. Many obese people are simply average eaters who don’t exercise enough or who eat the wrong foods, but they are diligent workers, parents, etc.

      1. Bassenco, I will agree with you. However, I think it is easily justifiable to see these MoGs as gluttons, not as average eaters who need more exercise. Sometimes there are good reasons for stereotypes, not simply a prejudicial reaction.

        1. They do get exercise.
          Lots of it.
          Running down other Christians.
          Side-stepping their responsibilities to help the poor, weak and oppressed.
          Pushing their luck.
          Jumping through all the Fundy hoops.

    3. No, the act of being visibly fat IS NOT A SIN. That’s what the entire Western world tells me: that I am wrong, bad, and should be ashamed of myself because I am fat. Do you have any idea what that does to a person? Especially when the long-term failure rate of any diet FOLLOWED FAITHFULLY TO THE LETTER is 95 percent AT BEST?

      Here, educate yourself.

      Go through this blog to find a roundup of scientific studies on what long-term weight loss is actually possible (hint: most women experience the same every month during their menstrual cycles) and what happens to everybody else: danceswithfat.wordpress.com

      Go through this blog to find out what medical neglect and malpractice professionals feel free to inflict on people who dare to show up at their practices with, oh, pneumonia, or a progressive CNS disease, or gosh I don’t know a POTENTIALLY LETHAL GENETIC DEFECT OF THE SKULL, while fat: fathealth.wordpress.com

      Oh, and here’s what happens to fat mothers: wellroundedmama.blogspot.com

      HERE’S A FREE HINT ON HOW NOT TO BE A DICK: Somebody who is visibly fat may or may not have gotten that way through what they ate, and either way it is none of your damn business.

      1. As an overweight, diabetic man, I agree that there are a lot of reasons for weight problems. A lot of them. I have compassion on many people, and I try very hard to lose weight — but it is a terrible struggle, especially since some medications have terrible side effects.

        That said, these very people would go viciously after others for appearances, without a moment’s thought for reasons, respect, or dignity.

        And in the Spirit of Obadiah, their “reward” should return upon their own head. As they have done, it should be done to them. They Need To Know What It Feels Like. And with Respect to our Lord’s cautionary Words, as they have judged, they should be judged, with the same kind of measurements and rationale.

        I do not turn these barbs on those around me. I have never, ever, not even once made fun of my wife for her problems with weight. I have always tried to be encouraging and respectful. I would be embarrassed to talk to another person about their weight, much less make fun of strangers. Even in my IFB church, I wouldn’t dare talk about the weight of a member.

        But I have seen gluttonous pastors. I have heard their vile talk. I have been on the receiving side of unjust judgments from “the ministry.”

        Maybe I will feel differently later. Maybe I am just angry that the “system” these “authorities” have helped create is making it so difficult for me to get health care for my children and a job for me. But it is the system they helped create with their “almighty me” attitudes, catering to the rich and telling poor people they don’t deserve to be treated right but it will all be fixed in heaven. The rich to continue to live sumptuously every day. And fundy gluttonous tyrants are still tyrants.

        1. Absolutely correct, they are tyrants and hypocrites. Every single time I look at stuff Ted Alexander puts out there I think, stones for bread. Most of his stuff is vituperative and/or self congratulatory.

  7. I’ll save the fundie trolls their time. They’re gonna say we’re naughty for picking on girth, but overlook fundie cruelty because it’s not the same.

    Oh, and this is hurting the cause of Christ.
    Oh, and we’re bitter.

    Did I miss anything?

      1. We always take flack for picking on weight of preachers even if they pick on themselves.

        But, thanks for the smart ass, anyway.

    3. Unfortunately you missed the threats of eternal damnation (I do not say this lightly), the reminder that on the day of judgement we will be forced to give account to God for every idle word we have ever spoken, and the warnings of risking death and of provoking divine wrath upon ourselves for daring to mock “God’s faithful man/men.

        1. Oh yeah, I forgot about the big slide show, complete with clickety, clickety sound.

        2. You mean heaven’s gonna have a slide carousel instead of a Power Point presentation?

          I’m not sure which is worse.

        4. Maybe they’ll go with Passion Play mummers wearing masks– the REALLY old paths.

        8. This thread made me laugh yesterday – and again today.

          Can you just imagine: “This is YOUR LIFE – in flannelgraph!!”

    4. Yes!!

      You missed “Touch not the Lord’s annointed” and “Respect Gid’s man”.

  9. 1.) With the movie, “Junior” in mind– “Lookin’ Prosperous!”

    2.) “Does this Glock make me look fat?”

  10. I think they are playing a game like charades where they have to portray/act out a word shown on the screen. From the best I can see of the screen, I think the game is called “Fun(dy) Times” I’ve been trying to figure out the word ending in “nce” that is projected on the screen and that would be describing what they are acting out. I think I figured out what word is up there: intumescence

    Definitions of intumescence
    n. – The act or process of swelling or enlarging; also, the state of being swollen; expansion; tumidity; especially, the swelling up of bodies under the action of heat.
    n. – Anything swollen or enlarged, as a tumor.

  15. Hear ye! Hear ye! The meeting of the local chapter of the Potluck Club will now come to order. Before we begin, a stomach bump by Bro. Bubba and Bro. Billy Joe.

  18. “He ate Burger Kings, he was well fed”
    –lyric from an obscure Bob Dylan song

      1. One has to be a real BD fan to know the song “Clean Cut Kid,” it is quite apt for think about the politics of fundamentalism, even of the tweeted photo.

  19. It’s fundy sumo, they are proabably prepering to plant a few churces in Japan.

    (By the way hi, I am long time lurker first time poster)

  22. This is OT, but I just want to know who inspired the ad for the book “How Not to be a D—” on my sidebar.

  24. Judging from the look on the face of the jumper-clad pianist, I would say someone put them up to it. I’m all for self-deprecating humor in public, but seriously, when you get home, throw away the twinkies, pour out the sweet tea, and get yourself on a diet. Fat and stupid is no way to go through life.

    1. They diet in between meals.
      (On the other hand, do they understand the concept of “between meals?”)

    2. “Fat and stupid is no way to go through life”

      You can lose fat if you try hard enough….

  29. The caption should be: “No matter how bad our Gluttony is, your homosexuality will be worse”

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