198 thoughts on “DIY BBC”

        1. Here at SFLU we are on the cutting edge in the fight against IFB Disease. Our goal is that one day IFB disease will be eradicated and no one will ever again suffer the ravages of this dreaded disease. We are working towards a world where no one will have to hear a proof-text homily shouted at them again. Where women will be treated as actual persons rather then objects and property. Where Jesus and the Gospel will not be mere window dressing or drawing cards for a man’s personal ministry of extra scriptural standards.

          Too many have suffered under oppressive legalism and totalitarian ministers. We are working for the cure. Won’t you join us?

          SFLU… helping Recovering Fundies since 2008

  5. I think some friends of ours once had this at their church. If I’m right, this was a cash cow for someone. The church charged about $130 per couple per class that basically consisted of watching one video per week and taking a few tests.

  6. Well the choices are narrowing for fundies – many now consider BJU and PCC too liberal. I guess “start your own” is a good alternative. Nothing Jim Jones about that

  7. The fundy church I attended had a Bible Institute. The material probably came from this place. I took 1 “class”. The material consisted of what was in essence a sermon outline. The questions were based exactly on the points in the outline.
    One of the points was the Bible has 66 books. One of the test questions was “How many books are in the Bible?” And you had the material when you took the test. I would say a 4th grader could pass. But this was sold as “college level material”. It was a joke. but the pastor was so proud that he was educating and training his men. Oh yeah, the womenfolk were not allowed to take the classes.

    1. Real education takes so much reading, planning, self education, and willingness to learn facts. It’s so much easier to order a package from these people! You don’t want learn too much and have to have to tell the people that the creeds & Catholic church are valid or anything.

    2. But there are 80 books in the 1611 King James Version of the Bible.
      They must be using one of those modern “perversions.”

    3. “College-level” material. Yah. Right. Hokum Uniscamity. Idiot Theological Cemetery.

      Hundreds of prepackaged “courses.” Pay your money and get your less-than-honorable degree. Happy meal toy included! Guaranteed to deliver no useful knowledge about the Bible, or holy living, or applying the Scriptures in a modern age.

      Uggghh. This makes me very angry. The singing was awful enough. But the very idea of letting these “Pastors” think they can start a “college” or “university” so easily! As a teacher, with real experience, it makes my blood boil.

      This along with the news that a majority of Republicans would be comfortable making the U.S. A “Christian” nation officially, doing away with freedom of religion for anyone else ,,, Not a good day.

      1. rtg – If you are not a Republican and don’t watch Faux News that means that you do not love America. Why don’t you come up here to this old-fashioned altar and repent of your sins and get right with God. Amen? There’s room on the cross for you my friend. When Jesus said “For God so loved the world..”, did you know he meant the USA? That’s right! If you look up the Greek word for world (you don’t have to I already did) you will see it means “united in state”. You don’t hear this kind of preaching down the street at that sissy Methodist church. And the media won’t tell you this either. They are ready to close us down. Then what will you do? Will you preach the Gospel when they arrest you? I don’t know about you but I will. Brian Williams can make up all the stories he wants but I am telling you the truth brothers and sisters. In this lost and dying world in these last days someone needs to stand in the gap and take up the breastplate of righteousness. Who will join me? We must keep the lamp lit unto this great nation. Come forward now if you love America while Sister Hannah plays God Bless America.

    5. Even the evangelical churches, lackadaisical as they are about scholarship, take a more serious approach than this. I recently stopped by a co-worker’s office and was surprised to find him perusing Wayne Grudem’s Systematic Theology. Now, I don’t have much respect for that book as such, given that it’s message is “Here is what various schools of theological thought have to say on this topic, but if you are not Reformed, then you are wrong.” Any book that spends a good portion of its introduction instructing you that you must “submit” to its conclusions or you are in rebellion against God is highly suspect to me. Anyway, I was nonetheless heartened that at least some “conservative” churches are taking the study of theology more seriously than just reading John Piper’s latest rag.

  8. I wonder what they would say if a non American wanted to run it in their church? When it then become the Not Patriotic Bible University?

  9. Great! My old mog wanted very badly to have a Bible College. He was pig-ignorant and proud of it so of course he needed to teach others. I think he just wanted a Bible College because it was the shiny toy all the cool mogs have.

    1. You would learn about as much from squealing pigs as you would from this “college.” Maybe more.

    2. Disregard the question if you think answering it would require you to reveal too much identifying information, but did your former “preacher” ever start the Bible “college” and is it still in existence?

      2. Last I heard the church members basically told him he was free to start one but he’d have to go somewhere else to do it.

    1. I’m sorry but for me to read that my blood alcohol content would have to be so high I couldn’t write.

    2. Sorry, Scorpio but that requires giving them my email address for their weekly newsletter, and I don’t think I can make that sacrifice. Read the book? I can do that. Let them know who I am and how to reach me? Not so much.

    3. Scorpio. I downloaded the book and printed it out (I like reading hard copy much better than electronic). I accept your challenge and will post my review in the forum section (I’m not good at organizing “reviews” so it will probably just come out as an “opinion”, ha!)

        2. I didn’t realize this was from a Tea Party link when I posted last evening. I remembered the song from a very entertaining, non-political radio show I used to listen to. I meant no politics by posting it, I just like the kitschiness of the song.

      2. Good news, God is for the first 2, and hates the last 2, so the Founding Fathers were the picture of Baptist perfection! 🙂

    5. I’m going to write a review unencumbered by my actually reading the “book.”

      God in American History– Synopsis

      God loves America because we’re special. Nyah, nyah, nyah.
      If you don’t love America as much as I do, then God doesn’t love you. I, not you, get to say how much you love America.

      Analysis: USA #1! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

      Next week we’ll be reviewing Augustine’s “City of God.”

      2. And don’t forget, COMMON CORE (and also the ACT, and also now AP US History) are EVIIIIIIL and BAD!!!!!

        1. It makes sense. “You shall not speak evil of the Lord’s Anointed.” Even if it is the truth. Admit that the U.S. of A has made mistakes and done evil in its foreign policy? You better be talking bout such things as foreign aid or sending food and medicines. Cause in War the U.S. can do no wrong. And US History shouldn’t have anything in it that’s bad, such as President Ronnie breaking the law. Unless of course you are blasting the damn-O-crats, the New Deal (Steal) and civil rights. God never meant for minorites to get justice in this God’s Country! No talking about bad stuff here at SFL, cause God don’t like it when you tell the truth about preachers raping and pillaging and telling lies. Those are God’s lies you are defaming there, buddy! I am so pro-life I would execute an innocent person convicted of a crime. Can’t be soft. And in Montana, if my laws on moral dress code goes into effect, wimmin can be sent to prison for life if they wear the wrong kind of clothes (yes, there IS a bill introduced into the legislature for this very thing!).

          We was always meant to be the Christian States of America, and if the South had won, we would be. No matter. We will write what we think history should have been, then it will magically be that way as God’s Truth, haymen? I said, HAYMEN? Louder! LOUDER!

          And no more talking bout Jack Shaft and his polish! God’s Anointed!

  11. But I don’t have a basement? What do I do now?

    (But I do have a Master of Divinity degree from Union Theological Seminary in New York City.)

    1. Jay, do you have an outhouse? I think that would be the perfect venue for one of these institutes.

      1. Sorry, no outhouse. We don’t live in Alabama any more. We have indoor plumbing here in Maryland!

      1. Yes, I admit it and am proud of it.

        Many years ago I found a tract saying that there is a special place in hell for Union Theological Seminary professors.

  12. “We believe in the triune God, existing in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. These three are co-eternal and co-equal from all eternity, each with distinct personalities but of one essence. God is sovereign, unchangeable and perfect in all His attributes. He is worthy of honor, adoration, and obedience.”

    This sounds suspiciously like something in the Athanasian Creed.

    1. Dear Jay Croft:

      That’s because good theology NEVER happens in a vacuum. That’s why as soon as you hear the ‘I’ in ‘IFB,’ you KNOW you’re heading for trouble …

      Christian Socialist

        5. Helpmeat Seminar Breakout session:
          “Theology While Vacuuming”

          Because, your Theology sucks….

      2. Dr. Fundystan: “I got stuck in a vacuum cleaner one time…”

        This sounds like an interesting story!!! Did this happen on one of your “Honey, I shrunk the kids” adventures?

  13. All right, couple THIS with homeschooling and you have a perfect nightmare. The course list sounds like a kindergarten Sunday school list, Bible times and customs? Oh and my personal favourite, The Bible and Science. I wouldn’t mind reading that one.

    1. I took a class at TTU called The Bible and Science. Pretty much the stuff you would expect from an IFB school. The prof was so old that he literally toppled over onto the floor one day, and students had to help him up. We watched a filmstrip one time that was made before people landed on the moon. This was in the 90’s.

      2. Watching a filmstrip during the 90’s would be impressive enough! Perhaps they’ve moved on to the Kodak carousel slide shows!

        1. They had abandoned the Olde Paths. Finger shadows in front of a kerosene lamp were good enough for the likes of Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

        4. Oh, the old slide show machines:

          Hello, we are the Johnson family, missionaries to England.

          KA-CHUNK

          England was once the foundation of spreading biblical Christianity around the world but no longer.

          KA-CHUNK

          Today, there are no Bible preaching churches in England. Instead, 100 churches are closing every day and 10 mosques are opening every day.

          KA-CHUNK

          And so on . . .

          When the newfangled video projectors became cheap and available, our pastor actually preached a sermon against them because God wants the missionaries to use the old projectors. They were allowed to bring in a digital slide show but NEVER a video. (The rationale was that there might be CCM on the video.) One missionary used an ancient transparency projector and was commended for keeping to the old paths. How many evenings of my life were spent listening to a ripped off recording of some young woman warbling “People need the Lord” while we were shown lots of pictures of smiling foreign children. It was like being in a church full of Eustace Scrubbs who “like books if they were books of information and had pictures of grain elevators or of fat foreign children doing exercises in model schools.”

        5. Remember filmstrips?
          They came with a phonograph record and the audio part had a “beep” every little bit to tell you to turn the film to the next frame. Some really fancy ones turned the film spools automatically when the record beeped.

        6. It came with its own demon to push the button.

          No, really! Pat Robertson says demons could be in your second-hand clothes. Goodwill attaches a demon to each item.

        7. There is a Peeb labouring brother who may have Tourettes, I am not sure but he has some odd physical tics. Anyway once during a slideshow he instructed this young boy to advance the slide each time he hit the screen with his collapsable pointer. That poor kid. The man started smacking the screen every other word and the kid was racing ahead with the slides, getting in trouble and then he ignored the smacks and got in trouble for that. That is all I remember about that particular slide show.

  14. Good thing I’m a woman and would not be allowed to take these courses. I’d be kicked out the first week for asking questions.

    3. Their stock photos show wimminz in class — wimminz with SHORT HAIR! wimminz with necklines more than 2 finger widths below the collarbone! What kind of a hedonistic man-centered place is this?!?!

  15. My first, “forward-thinking”, Fundy church started their own Bible college in a living room back in the late 70s. They had a “ladie’s track” and tried to recruit me. I chose an accredited Christian school instead. Thankfully, the college died a natural death for lack of students, but several people lost money and were set back a few years on their college education. The curriculum was all basic Sunday School stuff you could find in any bookstore.

    1. Unfortunately, I had less sense when I was younger than you had. When I got back to the states, after becoming a born-again Christian in the military, I ended up in a Fundy church. Listening to the preaching there, I became convinced I was doing wrong by continuing to attend a community college.To make a long story short, eventually I enrolled in Bible “college.”

      This is not original and is also pretty much of a non sequitur, but it would be possible to get the impression that some Fundamentalists believe a person has found their calling if:

      1.) The individual is not naturally good at said calling and
      2.) The person doesn’t like even the idea of said calling

      1. I started questioning Fundy thoughts on education when I was told, too many times, that the will of God would make you miserable. I loved teaching and cross-cultural work, and I wanted to be a missionary/teacher. But, I certainly didn’t feel miserable; I was excited that it was so clear what I should be doing! So, off to state university I went, where I found a wonderful, balanced evangelical church that ministered to college kids. They encouraged me, taught me, and I went to a reputable Christian college after I got my BA to get my theology/missions training. My Fundy church never supported my missionary endeavors because I left the fold–but I am so glad I did!

        1. What! Since when is serving God supposed to be enjoyable? As an aside, I probably should have said, “would be doing wrong” in the previous post. Anyway, you remember how there were Fundamentalist preachers who seemed to think that secular schools were all of the devil. What’s especially sad to me is that if I had managed to get a job related to what I had been studying at the community college, I think I could have been very good at it.

          In both our cases, the Fundies offering opinions undoubtedly were sincere and meant well. Thing, and this isn’t original either, sometimes the results of misguided ignorance are indistinguishable from those of malice.

        2. Well, Ben, I have been happily serving the Lord via teaching and cross-cultural work (15 of those years as an actual, raise support, kind of missionary), and it has been 33 years since i had my first classroom. It hasn’t all been easy, but it has been a wonderful, God-blessed ride. After I left my IFCA church, I learned that God has a much bigger imagination, and can work in many more ways, than most of us ever give Him credit for. By the way, I am still learning what great things God can do. I hope that is true for the rest of my life.

  16. I’m going make one. I’ll call it Christian Tech, and offer Phds in Truthology if you can learn to spell evolution correctly (answer: Devilution).

  17. This is pretty corny,

    That being said, I’ve never been opposed to churches having their own Bible Institute. It certainly beats going off to Bible College to learn essentially all the same material and also allows for the student to serve in their local congregation rather than build someone else empire in another part of the world.

    It’s essentially a little bit more rigorous than an adult Bible study; except it is in the evening. As long as the church doesn’t try to market it as anything other than that, and offer silly “degrees” then I’m all for it. After all it is the church that is the pillar and ground of the truth, not the Bible college.

    1. I’m in agreement. I’ve always hoped that if I had a son or daughter who was interested in a “ministry” type career, I would encourage them to attend a local college or technical school while apprenticing at a local church. If one had a good pastor or group of elders who could help them select books and related activities, this would be IMHO a much better use of their time. If they chose to go to seminary afterwards, so be it. They would have an accredited degree that would probably help them finance a M.Div. or some such.

      1. I’m sort of in agreement: if a person wants to be a pastor, I think “apprenticing” is essential. On the other hand, there is a reason pretty much every denom on the planet requires an MDiv. There is a LOT of stuff out there a person has to learn in order to be any good at pastoring. There is also the added benefit that a good, critical MDiv forces the want-to-be pastor to examine his or her faith more carefully.

        1. Agreed, seminary education is important for the pastorate. I’ve never seen Bible Institute as being for the those who desire to become clergy; rather as a resource for those who have a profession but want an opportunity to dig deeper into their faith.

    2. It would be great if the churches could actually keep the Basement Bible Colleges open. Our church had a BBC for two or three years, charged thousands of dollars per semester for having teachers who hadn’t even graduated any college read aloud from Abeka high school level books in Sunday school rooms decorated for kids, then closed up shop suddenly before actually giving a single degree or certificate to anyone.

      There wasn’t even a way to get a transcript for classes that people had taken to transfer to anywhere that would take it. No student records. Nada.

      Like people who asked too many questions, it just disappeared one day, and we had to toe the line and say that we’ve always been at war with Eastasia or face reeducation from the Man of gid.

    3. Well, except that churches will charge you heftily for the “learning.” You won’t get a usable degree. And you will likely come out less knowledgeable and more ignorant than you came in.

      Other than that, no problem.

      1. Always condescending. ….

        I see no reason why a bible Institute should charge anything expect a nominal book fee.

        There is no reason to offer a degree. It should be nothing more than an opportunity for those with a profession to gain more knowledge of their faith. The equivalent of professional development for your spiritual life.

        1. But who is doing the teaching? Do they really know theology? Do they know how to think analytically and synthetically? Do they have the humility to say I don’t know when confronted with the mysteries of the Divine?

          I never saw those characteristics in anyone I knew who would be teaching in a basement bible college.

        2. Brian, is it? Yes, it is hard not to be condescending to fundamentalism. It is about as ignorant a structure as is possible–although this concept truly distresses my wife’s friends. I have been Told by my wife that I shouldn’t call fundamentalism “stupid.” She has decided that’s where she belongs. It isn’t where I belong.

          And it is so hard to be polite about fundy mentality, where it is IFB or PB or otherwise. A politico is claiming cancer is a fungus that can be cured with salt water. What can be said about this? Calling it stupid is actually being nice!

          So I am in a quandary. No I’m not. Knowledge and arrogant and condescending versus tolerant of the stupidity and hypocrisy abounding in Fundy circles? Knowledge cannot long remain in fundamentalism. It isn’t welcome. It has to reside with and give honor to ignorance and glory to lies.

        3. As I listened to my radio on the drive home intrigued by the commentators speaking on the subject of matter and anti_matter and their relationship to each other. As they expounded on the notation that there are 1 billion particles of anti matter to 1,000,000,001 particles of matter resulting in the opportunity for things to exist, I had a strange thought.

          500 years ago the majority of things mankind was certain was true, turned out to be complete nonsense. 500 years from now mankind will look backand mock what we were certain was truth.

          “Men are never convinced of your reasons, of your sincerity, of the seriousness of your sufferings, except by your death. So long as you are alive, your case is doubtful; you have a right only to their skepticism.”
          Albert Camus, The Fall

        4. Ahhh! So you approve!

          Yes, I am a skeptic. The lies and follies of fundamentalism have made me so.

          I regard not myself to have attained the measure of the fullness of Christ, but one thing I know — those who seem to claim they have attained it haven’t.

        5. In response to BJG, I cannot put my confidence in men. I only find comfort in the ancient text of the gospel of John.

          “However, when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will show you things to come.”

          My faith is firmly placed in the holy text as the Holy Spirit of God illuminates his timeless Word for my daily bread. May he provide me the discernment to identify those wolves in sheep’s clothing, and point me to those faithful saints both ancient and contemporary who will be a lamp unto my feet and a light into my path.

  19. My church had one of these for a few years, before it died a natural death. It had three courses: soul winning, the book of John, and Old Testament survey. I took all three and didn’t learn anything I hadn’t already learned through cultural immersion, 16 years of Sumday school, and a preacher-boy-wanna-be father.

  20. What is the difference between this and creating a blog as an expert in anything? This isn’t meant to say a negative toward Darryl, but just to point out the obvious. I think they exist and websites like this exist just to blast the opposite view points. You’re all the same.

    1. What’s the difference between someone coming to SFL for a laugh and someone coming to SFL thinking anyone is an expert in anything?

      BTW, his name is Dar-El.

      1. I was understanding this was some sort of a post-cult-abuse therapy chat room. I can admit if I’m wrong. I was reading through a couple of your posts, and that was what I gathered. Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend. Sorry to your friend Darel for mis-spelling his name, that wasn’t intentional.

        1. If you click on the “about” tab at the top of the page, you’ll have the official story on this blog.

          It is a blog that allows comments; it is not a chat room. I, like many others here, was involved in the cult of the IFB. So yes, it is a post-cult place and it is therapeutic for many. Some of us even transition out of the cult with the help of this blog.

          It is always beneficial to read many posts of a blog, plus the “about” page of a blog. That way you can get a feel for the point of the blog and the various philosophies and ideologies espoused on said blog. Jumping in without context is jarring and sometimes misleading.

        2. No, that’s Scorpio who doesn’t like that. I’m surprised he hasn’t rebuked me yet.

      3. I prefer silly. And I think I mis-spelled your name twice. Apologize for that. I’m gathering too from the slightly passive aggressive responses that there is not much welcome to an alternate view-point.
        I went to church on easter one year with my mom. I don’t remember the experience to be all that great. But I suppose to each their own.

        1. Ben – Slow down. Take some time and read the previous posts here. There are over 6 years worth of posts and comments. Some of us have been commenting here for years. Now, re-read your initial comment at 11:32am. You basically lumped us in with the fundies. We have many alternate view-points. We are all over the spectrum from a theological standpoint. And from a political one for that matter.
          Might I suggest you read this comment from our own Lady Semp to get an idea on where we are coming from:

          http://www.stufffundieslike.com/rules/comment-page-1/#comment-2152256

        2. If you “went to church on Easter one year” and think this is a blog for survivors of cult abuse, why would you think you had anything to say except, wow guys, sorry things were so rotten for you. I wouldn’t dream of trying to say anything else if I happened to stumble across a blog dedicated to people who had, say, survived being kidnapped by ISIS…..

        3. I wonder if I should admit who I really am… ?
          I thought to myself, “Is there any poe approach that hasn’t been used?”
          🙂 Love you guys!

        5. Ben, you really, really need to read more posts and the “about” page. Really.

          You went to church one time with your mom and it was bad. Imagine that multiplied by three times a week plus revival meetings, missions conferences, VBS, camps, xian day school, and fundy college over the course of 20, 30, 40 years. That’s who we are. Many people here have been going to the church since they were in utero. That’s not my case, but I’ve suffered through much stupidity and repression in the name of religion at the hand fundamentalists.

          Your own initial post here came off as condescending and passive-aggressive and shows that you haven’t studied us at all. We have Calvinists, Catholics, Episcopals, Anglicans, and all other kinds of xians here, not to mention agnostic/atheist/deist side of things. We have male and female clergy here. We have political conservatives and political liberals, including — gasp! — a socialist or two. We welcome all viewpoints provided the presenter is nice and civil and willing to accept others’ opinions. Occasionally folks here have bad days and say yucky things but we kiss and make up and move on.

          Stay if you like, leave if you want. Just do your research. I spent days combing through the old posts before commenting. I’ve been here for a couple of years now. It’s a great place for anyone who has been wronged in the name of religion, particularly of the IFB brand of crazy.

        8. Ben, welcome, welcome. Let me point out that in NO fundamentalist blog, comment-zone, website or church service is there any welcome to an alternate viewpoint. And they are not merely passive aggressive. They are sincerely aggressive.

          This is mainly a silly blog. We poke fun at the silliness we suffered through. A few people such as myself are angry enough at fundamentalism and its destructive effects that we are less silly and more serious.

          But be assured. We do like to blast the foibles of fundamentalism here. We recognize that not everyone appreciates it, but since fundies have always felt free to blast anyone and everyone else for believing differently than they do, we figure it is good to give it back to them.

          Don’t think reminding us that it isn’t nice or Christian to criticize them will change our minds. Niceness and Christianity have never, ever restrained fundy speech or behavior.

          But do feel free to engage. Regards!

        10. Dear Ben,
          I needed a good laugh tonight and when I got to your line about going to church one time with your mom I thought we’d been had by a Poe. And a wonderful one.

          You going to admit who you are?

    1. I just noticed that, like all fine institutions of higher learning, this one offers a “quantity discount.”
      Of course it does.

      1. I bought a truck load of horse shit for my wife’s gardens once. I still have chickweed from that fertilizer that comes up every year. I don’t know why that came to mind.

        Something about the volume discount for basement bible college classes.

        1. I read somewhere that chickweed is edible, although I don’t know how you’re supposed to prepare it.

  22. The church and school my husband attended tried to start a college despite the fact that PCC was just down the road. There was a minor scandal when the son of one of the administrators was accepted to BOB JONES and opted to go there instead of to their home grown ‘college’. My mother-in-law took a few classes there but she was way to smart for them. I don’t know why it happened but I do know it folded not long after it started.

    1. There are some many good classes available in many churches (mine, at least), as well as Bible Study Fellowship, Neighborhood Bible Study, and online courses by serious, accredited Christian schools. The only reason these churches start their own Bible “Colleges” is to push their own agenda.

      They could at least be honest about it and call it Bible Study that Reflects Our Belief System (or something similar).

      I get my theology “fix” by auditing classes at a local, accredited seminary. I get all the joy of the classroom, without needing to write the papers. I love it and I continue to grow in my knowledge of God’s Word.

  24. Are the preacher boys any good at organizing tubs full of years worth of old junk? Maybe cleaning up the place? Emptying the dehumidifier once in a while? Maybe changing the furnace filter?

    I could get used to this Bible College Headmaster Business.

  25. Bible Kawledges are a grate way to get a hi qualty educaton at low cost. I have sevral doctrates from such skools. Some elitst places like apostrate Bob Jones and the skolarship only PCC dont respect there degrees becuse there not accredit. But nether is Harverd and you dont here anyone complane about them. I have lerned a lot thru my studies for my many doctrates on such things like womens place in home, the history of the king james bible in other languages, bus minstry in black neighborhoods, and varous other subjecks. If they had charge more than two or three hunert dollers for there degree, I wuld not have been able to get the educkaton I have now. I cannot thank Patrot Universarty enuff for there minstry in education.

    1. Amen, Brother Phil!

      Let ’em have it! It’s about time somebody set these smarty pants straight–them and their fancy schmancy degrees from Devil State and Satan U. Same goes for those snooty seminary graduates with their heads full of facts and their hearts empty of the love of the old paths! If Harvard doesn’t need accreditation, then neither does Patriot Bible University, amen? Fact is PBU is probably a lot like Harvard–except for the liberals and gays and stuff. Stay by the stuff, Brother! Somebody’s got to play the man and stand in the gap for this wicked and perverse generation!

      1. Who says that Harvard is not accredited? Here’s the listing from the New England Association of Colleges and Universities–

        Harvard University

        Degrees Awarded: Associate’s, Bachelor’s, Master’s, Doctorate
        Initial Accreditation: 1929 Last Review: 2009 Next Review: Fall 2017

        Does anyone sane really believe that a Harvard degree is worth less than a basement Bible school?

        1. Jay Croft,

          Seems to me they may have told us that Harvard and maybe one or more of the other ivy league schools was unaccredited back when I was a student at HA”C.” Even if that had been true, it would have been completely irrelevant. Once I even heard an instructor referring to the subject of accreditation by saying something like, “What do you mean by accreditation? …” What a dishonest dodge! Then of course there’s the old “accredited by God thing” and Hyles’ saying, ‘Mickey Mantle doesn’t seek accreditation from the little leagues.’ From many people claiming to represent Jesus Christ, there seems to be a low regard for truth.

          As far as a sane person believing that a “degree” from one of these basement Bible colleges is in any way comparable to a Harvard degree, however; in spite of the heavy indoctrination, it would be tough to see how even a student at one of those places could believe that. On the other hand, there were probably more than a few HA”C” “graduates” who at one time felt that what that institution lacked in academics it more than made up for in godliness.

    2. Dear Phil Armenik:

      I’m calling ‘poe.’ Your spelling is fine, but you begin your sentences with proper capitalization and you use far too many periods to be a self-respecting, Bible believing Christian fundamentalist.

      Christian Socialist

  26. I hereby propose a GoFundMe account for Darrell to get his doctorate by correspondence from Patriot Bible University – mainly just to mess with them. I think that could be a hoot. Anybody? Anybody? Bueller?

  28. Ben, you said that you went to a church service once with your Mom. What kind of church was it?

    It makes a difference, you know. There’s a difference between a snake-handling backwoods IFB, a “high” Episcopal Church such as St. Paul’s, K Street in DC, and a happy-clappy praise worship.

      1. Well, I admit that I haven’t ever been in a snake-handling church, although I’ve been in one where the clergyman was a snake.

        I’ve never been in St. Paul’s, K Street, DC although I’ve been in the Church of St. Mary the Virgin in NYC (“the best show on Broadway:)

        I’ve been in a happy-clappy church of the Episcopal persuasion (There are, or were, such churches a couple of decades ago) but didn’t like it. That church is now affiliated with a breakaway Anglican denomination.

        So, we might call this “You might be a church snob if . . . “

        1. Of Pornia? If I snort while I am doing something that requires no thought, it is because I have remembered the Snake of Pornia. Lol.

        2. Didn’t he on a number of occasions, and to the astonishment of his audience, demonstrate how to transform a snake into a polished… why did you have to bring this up?

        1. Yes. Snakes just quietly go about their business. It’s slander (to snakes) to call Schaap a snake.

  29. I’m intrigued. Can I get a degree from this place as easy and cheap as my Doctor of Divinity?

    1. You can print your own degree, or draw one with crayons on the back of a paper grocery bag, and it will be worth just as much.

  30. Did a little research found out this “college” was tied to a church that had a big scandal. The pastor went to jail for covering up the fact that his neice, a teacher in the school, took advantage of a boy she was teaching. All I can say is I wish I was a fundy as a teen boy so I could have been taken advantage of!

  31. How do you kindly tell a Fundy that they reeeeally need to hire a graphic designer for their website? Can’t believe the kind of visual vomit that passes as websites nowadays.

    1. Easy. Just say that God has put it on your heart to be a blessing to their ministry by creating a new web presence and give them a love offering that God can use to send forth his word equipping laborers for the harvest.

      They love free labor and money.

      1. That would give someone a great opportunity to add lots of “Easter eggs” to the site. Just tell the pastor all the up-to-date sites have them.

  32. I attended two fundy churches that had Bible Institutes. The course content at the first one was pretty good and I enjoyed the classes. But later after I left that church and needed a transcript to attend the Bible Institute at the second church, I found out they had shut down their institute, and with that all the records were gone. So I started my Bible Institute eduation all over again. I hated it this time. Every instructor came to class with a list of sentences with blanks in them. All they did was recite the sentences and give the words for the blanks. Sometimes they’d preach inbetween if they felt so inclined. Tests were a list of some of those sentences with the blanks in them, or multiple choice where the answer was the fill in the blank answer. Never any essay questions. Never any class discussion.

  34. So, I haven’t posted a story about my mother for awhile.  So here goes.

    During my sophomore and junior years of college, I toyed with the idea of attempting a PhD and becoming a college professor.  My mother did absolutely nothing but try to discourage me from this ambition because it was impossible to serve God while “pontificating from an ivory tower and writing things that no one will ever read.”  (Not that this assessment of higher education was entirely off the mark, I suppose.)

    Anyway, my wife and I started dating, got engaged, and ultimately got married.  During this time, I SEPARATELY came to the conclusion that the PhD route was not for me.  So, my wife and I talked it over and decided I should go to law school instead.  It was a good choice for me.  As soon as this decision was made and I began to pursue that goal, my mother suddenly decided that she fully supported my former goal of becoming a professor and she decided that my evil, horrible wife had forced me to abandon my dream.  We’ve battled occasional snide references to this theory every since:  “Well, son, *sigh* are you EVER going to get to use your law degree to TEACH like you wanted to before??” Funny thing is, I do get invited to guest lecture on education law at college classes with a fair degree of regularity but when we mentioned this to my mother she explained that does not count.

    Meanwhile, my WCBC loser sister married her WCBC loser boyfriend who completed one semester of his “master’s” degree and therefore has more higher education than I do, I am told. He recently decided to implement Clarence Sexton’s Bible college in a box concept at my parents’ church. Ever since, we have been barraged with propaganda from my family that he is a college professor and I must be so jealous of his academic attainments of not just getting to be a professor but also a founder of a college! Ha. Meanwhile, my psychiatrist father and my mother who has two degrees of her own from Rice University have both signed up for “classes” and are now sprinkling Facebook with comments about how they are so excited to be accepted into such a rigorous program and how proud they are to be working toward earning their degrees and so on. They know better and it’s just so completely pathetic.

    1. Love not the world, neither the things of the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in Him.
      Therefore imitate the forms and titles of the world, while changing the substance, that you may deceive the lovers of the world into submission to Christ.
      And great was the fall semester of it. Amen.

    2. “Anyway, my wife and I started dating, got engaged, and ultimately got married’

      Um, er, ahem . . . she’s not your wife UNTIL you get married.

      And that your psychiatrist father, who presumably has a medical degree from a sho-nuff accredited medical school plus a license from the state Board of Medical Examiners, and your mother, with two degrees which I also assume are from accredited institutions of higher education, and now are going after bogus “degrees” from a basement Bible college?

      The mind boggles. Truly.

      2. Thanks for the pedantry, Jay. My perspective, however, is that it is correct to say “my wife [now]” even when I refer to events that took place before our marriage because I absolutely abhor the “woman who would later become my wife” construction! 🙂

        My parents have brainwashed themselves. What I resent about them, to the extent I resent anything about them anymore, is the fact that unlike many IFB believers, who are brought up in it, or are too stupid to see the problems with it, my parents are smart and educated enough to know better and yet they CHOSE the IFB over all other options.

        1. Deacon’s Son, thank you for this. This is exactly how I feel about certain members of my family. I can forgive ignorance and even the meanness that arises from it but the educated ones and their bullheadedness, they are the ones I have the biggest problems with.

        2. My wife knows what is wrong with it, but has a vested emotional interest in it. She is increasingly intolerant of my saying anything about it, and gets hostile at the though of leaving it.

          Not a good sign.

        4. Unfortunately, rtgmath, it only seems to get worse.

          I left home, more or less, about 12 years ago now. It feels like a foreign culture when I go back to visit now – they have changed so much. (So have I, but they keep getting deeper and deeper into the IFB.)

          Just a couple of examples I recently noticed: all of the great works of literature that used to be proudly displayed on the living room bookcase have been replaced by KJV-only books by Riplinger and the like.

          And another: this Christmas, my mother decided to leave the chrismon ornaments (that she hand-made herself before I was born) off of the tree and she gave me and my wife the advent wreath (that she and my father made themselves during their Lutheran days out of a brass ring, some candle holders, and some cheap plastic greenery) because “none of the kids still at home know what any of this stands for anymore.” She was offended that I wanted the wreath rather than telling her to just throw it away like all my other siblings had urged her to do.

          Final example: we attended the Christmas Eve service at the Methodist church with my grandmother, which is still a sacred family tradition in spite of their embrace of all things IFB, but this time everyone in my family refused to take communion. They just sat there primly and smugly while my nana, my wife, and me exited the pew to go forward. For some reason, the church decided this year to hand out the candles for the candlelight service when you went forward for communion rather than when you entered the sanctuary. All of my family members who skipped communion didn’t get a candle. So as the light was passed from candle to candle and the sanctuary was slowly illuminated by this beautiful symbol of Christian fellowship, my family just stood there in the darkness.

        5. So as the light was passed from candle to candle and the sanctuary was slowly illuminated by this beautiful symbol of Christian fellowship, my family just stood there in the darkness.

          Profound. Sad, but profound.

        7. “Thanks for the pedantry.”

          Words I don’t hear just every day, but it beats “Thanks for the ‘pederasty’.”

        8. Those signs are both sad and frightening.
          It sounds like they are moving in a Jonestown kind of direction.

      1. You tell me. They seem to view a law school as little better than a trade school, while WCBC is the Ivy League of Bible Colleges (just like all the rest).

  36. I have a doctorate in a legit biological science from an accredited university. It took me four years of coursework, field experimentation, and statistical analysis to EARN. I got two peer-reviewed publications out of it. I can tell you that the candidacy, the comps and the defense were neither fun nor easy.

    If you know anything about the process of earning a PhD you will know I am credible, just by that last sentence alone. This guy Hovind did NONE of that. His “disseration” is a completely fraudulent “academic” document. It has no merit whatsoever in terms of its scholarship, rigor or quality. It’s insulting, and somewhat infuriating, that he has any credibility on the basis of this supposed “dissertation.” Although I don’t find explanations for evolution in the absence of reproducible experimentation convincing, there is nothing that this man can say or demonstrate that will lend any credence whatsoever, to any claims he makes. I can’t imagine that anything he says or writes, on the subject of intelligent design, is likewise convincing to his opponents. Pathetic. Thanks for posting this. I had no idea there were ID/creationist advocates with this level of mind-numbing mediocrity as “credentials.”

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