82 thoughts on “Updated Signs”

    2. Oh, I really like that.
      “We ain’t to scholastic (sic),
      but we’re quite handy
      with letters made of plastic.”

  3. Maybe they should hire someone ahead of time to do it by advertisement: Job Oppurtunity for Atheist

      1. Ya beat me to it, Mag.
        I guess there’s a whole potential industry out there of watering plants, getting the mail, mowing the lawn, etc. for people who expect to be outta here when the Rapture hits.

        Sure, I’ll change your sign for you, Sweet Home Baptist Church.
        I won’t even charge you to replace the current message with, “Anybody seen a bunch of self-righteous fatheads who ducked out on their bills?”

      2. Oh wow. This is very curious, though. Don’t people trust that Jesus will take care of their pets in His sovereignty post-rapture? Not trying to be snarky – real question!

      3. Website: “Hey, if you get raptured, what happens to Petey?”

        Me: “well, I guess he will lay around for a day or two, then bark and howl when he gets lonely, then when he gets hungry enough, he will eat Tilly, my cat.”

    1. Plenty of IFBs in Alabama, and other types of fundamentalism.

      After 18 years there, last summer we moved to Maryland.

      1. ROLL TIDE! is like saying, “Go Bob Jones, Go!” or…

        PCC, roll on, PCC!

        I’m glad their #1 in recruiting…now maybe they can wind a championship…

        ugh.

        B.R.1

        1. “I’m glad their #1 in recruiting…now maybe they can wind a championship…”

          As in “breaking wind?”

          And “their #1” what? “Their” is a possessive pronoun. “They’re” is a contraction of “they are.”

    1. Exactly.

      According to Rapture teaching, they should know that the wording on a church sign would be utterly insignificant.

      1. Maybe when the rapture comes, it will be the pastor who is left to change the sign! Oooooohhhhhhh…… did I say that out loud?

    1. Clever, its like one of those barely concealed all-eyes-closed-all-heads-bowed pulpit messages calling out a sinner.

      1. Which at least shows whoever came up with this hasn’t completely burned out on having to come up with a short Spiritual message for the sign each and every week.

        That’s assuming this is a REAL sign instead of someone’s Photoshop job. I literally can’t tell; I’ve seen enough Weird Church Signs for real that it’s become Anything Goes No Matter How Weird.

  9. As a child I was so terrified by the rapture. What if I wasn’t saved? I didn’t care so much about not getting to heaven as a six or seven year old, what really scared me was how I was going to survive without my family. If there was ever a way to meet up with John Darby, I’d like to give him a good smack for that one.

    1. Me too. I was always afraid the rapture was going to happen right before something important like my birthday party, or my trip to an amusement park or whatever else wonderful that happened when I was a kid. The doctrine of the rapture was always bad news for me. Lol.

      1. LOL, missing out on good stuff because of the Rapture would really be a bummer. What was really bad was my cousin who lived across the street took up trumpet one summer and scared my poor brother half to death. What an insult to the Archangel and his trumpet playing

      2. During a sermon, our pastor actually turned to a young man in the congregation who was to be married the next day and said “you don’t want the rapture today, do you brother?” So embarrassing! And of course he didn’t say that to the bride-to-be because women dread their wedding night and couldn’t possibly enjoy it.

    2. I’d like to get into Darby’s face too. And Hal Lindsay’s.
      “I LOST TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE TO YOUR SECRET RAPTURE! WHO’S GOING TO REPLACE THOSE TEN YEARS YOUR RAPTURE LOCUSTS HAVE EATEN?”

      1. I lost fifty years to the Darby cult and almost my entire family. Going through my parents estate there was one thing that gave me pleasure, I smashed and tore up the photo of JND and destroyed the silver frame. Idolatry? I think so.

        1. I’m from the Plymouth Brethren, but I don’t recall pictures of JNDarby, or others on the walls. Certainly not in silver frames.

          Then again, I came from the Open side, the ones that would be considered apostate. The open brethren were quite a lot like the IFB stylistically (not in the structure of the services or in polity). We still had all the writers. I had Arno Gabelein’s complete works.

          They loved it that Baptist doctrine took so much from the PB, especially in prophesy.

        2. There was no literature allowed in our houses except that written by Closed Peebs. If a man wrote a book and then, for whatever reason, was no longer ”in fellowship” with us, his book became suspect as his doctrine became suspect and out it went. There was a lot of pride in the hard core aspect of the group. They see themselves as the ‘few’ in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes with evil. Not every house had a photo of JND but enough did and everyone knew what he looked like. They say they reverence him, not worship but there is a very fine line.

    1. So Pastor Vernon Billings figures YouTube will still be up and running after the Rapture?

      Hmmm.

      1. This is on a YouTube channel that focuses on old 90’s and 80’s media. Most of what they have is pulled from VHS tapes. I’m guessing this is one of those.

        2. It is? I’m surprised the Honeydew Wilkins channel didn’t catch that. They have all kinds of stuff, including old-school wrestling videos and James Dobson teen discussions. I guess you’d have to see the movie to know, though.

        3. “I guess you’d have to see the movie to know, though.”

          That’s farther than I’m willing to go for the sake of research.

    2. I love the way he starts the video out with a smile. He looks so pleased with himself and the viewers despair. Pastor Crazyman

      1. “And they’ll know We Are Christians
        ‘Cause we’re smug, ’cause we’re smug,
        Yes, they’ll know We Are Christians ’cause we’re smug…”

  14. Darrell,

    I thought you were taking a breath? I’m glad you’re back and in good spirits!

    B.R.1

    3. Inevitably when I announce I’m stepping back for a minute some people step up and send me things to post.

      I very much appreciate them.

      1. And I have learned that whenever Darrell takes some time away, he usually comes back with an god-awful video from Schaap, Kidd, Gipp etc.
        So be prepared.

  16. I’ll change it for them after the rapture, but only if there are enough letters to say, “we can relax now, the fundies are gone and they ain’t coming back, amen?”

  17. I heard a comedian say that he had this bumper sticker on his car: “In case of rapture, this car will swerve as my mother-in-law takes the wheel.”

    2. Of course they’re smug. When you have all the answers and are never wrong, smugness is like breathing.

      1. ”Smugness is like breathing” I know so many people like that. That is a great description.

  19. I’m sure that if the “rapture” that this church hopes for actually happens, that there will be plenty of it’s members still available to “change this sign”….

  20. I used to believe in the Rapture. It was probably the strongest incentive I had to “get saved” 41 years ago. The believers at that time were so convinced it was going to happen then!

    And now, with 40 years of watching expectations bloom and die, I am simply tired of the mess. Plus, I don’t like the lust Christians have for the suffering of those who don’t believe. They sure look forward to it, though, maybe even more than being in heaven with Jesus!

  21. My response to the sign: Just leave us enough letters so that we can change the sign to “BINGO EVERY FRIDAY AT 7PM.”

    2. They need to leave the key someplace where it can be found as well…perhaps a note on the sign telling us where to find the key….although that would allow us to change the sign before the Rapture as well….

      1. I’d say it was mostly Biblically valid. Albeit, I don’t fancy myself to be a theologian. Just a lowly commoner. 😉

        2. So sorry there. I don’t hold a degree (& such vast experience) in the field of “proctology”.

    2. Uhhh, no.

      He is a Conspiracy Theory Nut on the order of the hard line John Birch Society. Fluoride in the water conspiracy, etc. New World Order, Illuminati, all the usual complaints and tie-ins. And King James Only. Very King James Only.

      There are two thoughts in the camp of those who believe in the Tribulation: pre-trib (the rapture comes before the tribulation), and post-trib (the church goes through the tribulation).

      The whole topic of “Biblical Prophesy” is a crock, as is the whole Conspiracy Theory nonsense. Had the “Conspiracy” as great power as claimed, the Tribulation would have occurred already. Everybody would be enslaved, communism would be political system, no churches would be standing, much less making movies to warn people!

      Just the fact that they have the freedom to complain shows the lies of their position.

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