100 thoughts on “Tears and Laughter”

    1. Amen brother Dr. Phil. Good to see you again today. I trust you will be girding up your loins for battle with the wiles of the devil.

    3. Dr. Phil,

      How did you orchestrate that?

      Respectfully,

      BP

      P.S. Any improvement with your warty toes?

      1. It’s Dr. Hyles, not Bro. Hyles, and I will go to the grave to defend that great man. You need to get right with God and fix your bad attitude.

        1. Oh, Yes. “Dr.” And, I can find his doctoral thesis and dissertation(s) found where, exactly????? (Ducking for Cover!)

        2. His dissertation was called “Why It Is Impossible To Tell Your Arse From A Hole In The Ground,” and it can be found in Jack Schaap’s vast library (wherever that is now).

        3. I thought Hyles’ dissertation was based on the 7th commandment.

          With a special addendum on, “How to recognize if she could be your *Spiritual* wife”

      2. OMG, Dr Phil, it takes me a full minute to figure out what your spelling errors mean! Very good impersonation to include that much detail!

        2. Not to be too much of an sucker, but is that his real blog or a fake? The spelling & grammar are atrocious, so I honestly don’t know.

  6. Is the word tear [teer] as in “There’s a tear in my beer and I’m crying for you dear…”, or is it a tear [terr] as in “there is a tear in his pants, and his colorful boxers shining through are funny”.

    The problem is that we don’t know what the meaning in the original language was, and just have our leader’s words to go on. I guess since Darrell is in charge, the word must be tear as he exegetes it.

    2. Thanks, Uncle Wilver. Now I’ll be singing, “There’s a tear in my bear, cause I’m cry in’ for you dare” for the rest of the day.

  7. If the premise is accepted, then “smile” would have been a more appropriate word than “laugh.” I personally don’t accept the premise.

      1. Only if you give your name, address, church affiliation, list of sins committed (this can be deferred until you raise your hand at the end of sunday school class), plus 10%

    1. It occurred to me over coffee this morning. While Fundies preach against the prosperity gospel, they often use the same gospel in regards to our feelings.

      Give the Lord your tears today, He will turn it into joy tomorrow. But they don’t tell you that tomorrow never comes. You’re signing up for a lifetime of tears, and guilt if you ever feel joy. Heaven is for joy, so don’t spend it all down here. You have joined heaven’s 401k plan of happiness.

      2. If you can sign up other people to be independent joy marketers, you will get a share of all the tears they earn. When you get to the top of the pyramid, you’ll have 4,000,000,000,000 tears to your name. Just imagine how much laughter you’ll have when it’s your turn.

  9. Wow, this is the sort of dumbass illogic that sounds good at first glance until you start thinking about it. This is the precise philosophy that underlies the teaching of the Pearls of “No Greater Joy” infamy, who teach that beating your kids today will result in a laughter-filled, joyful home tomorrow.

    1. Tears shed by the crocodile as it eats its prey are an investment in the good humor a full belly brings …

  11. Jackie Boy laughed all the way to the bank with the money the stupid sheepel spent on this piece of trash…wonder if he’s laughing now…

  12. Jack Hyles cannot claim original credit for this idea. Ever watched the TV sitcom “Good Times?” In the song it mentions misfortunes such as temporary layoffs, etc, then says “ain’t we lucky we got ’em… Good Times.”. Jack Hyles merely takes the idea a step further by suggesting ghe idea of “investing” in pain, abuse, and catastrophe. Great example, lol, I can see where it got HIM, lol. It’s also a very twisted misrepresentation of the Bible. Yes, after the tears of the night joy CAN come in the morning. But the Bible says nothing about “investing” in tears, which carries the idea of seeking out pain and misfortune, and comes across as masochism.

    1. If your business is to harm people, however, I can understand why you would want to first teach them that being harmed is a good thing.

  16. It’s a lose-lose. If I want to laugh tomorrow I need to have a tear today, but if I am constantly crying so that I can laugh when do I laugh? Ugh my head is spinning!!!

    1. Psalm 30:11:
      “Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;”

      Gotta have some mourning so the Lord can turn it into dancing, hay-men?

      1. Yeah but……..it says Thou hast, not I have invested. That invested bit, that’s my real problem.

        2. Of course! Isn’t it sad though that they take a beautiful verse like that and turn it into something you have to do to merit blessing. Hmmm. I think I have been down this path before.

        3. He certainly does not approve of dancing as we know it today. In the Old Testament it was more like, ummm, twirling around or something. Just like wine was actually grape juice.

        4. Eponine has the answer that I always heard told me! They could do those things in the Old Testament and it was okay, but we can’t do it now because we have the gospel and Christ has set us free so we can’t dance anymore.

          It’s always ironically freedom puts more chains on you than you had before.

        5. “It is a different dispensation”, is the peebs be all, end all pronouncement for anything they don’t like in the Old Testament.

        7. “We are no longer under the laws of the Old Testament … so we have to observe even more restrictive laws now” ??

    2. Jeremiah 31:13King James Version (KJV): Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, both young men and old together: for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow.

    3. 5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

      6 He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

      Psalm 126

      1. So it’s ok to paraphrase if you’re just doing a couple of verses but not the whole book, bah humbug

    1. That’s just nasty. I have no idea where, but I’ve seen that before.

      1. It’s from the legendary 1929 art film, “Un Chien Andalou,” by Luis Bunuel and Salvador Dali.
        If you’ve ever taken a film class without being shown “Un Chien Andalou,” you should ask for your money back.
        The eyeball scene is the most iconic and famous thing in the movie.

    2. “… maybe the pain of a hemorrhoid today is the promise of relief tomorrow.”

      That reminds me of this old joke:
      I was sitting at a sidewalk cafe when the man at the next table took a hammer from his briefcase and put his left hand on the table. Holding the hammer in his right hand, he swung the hammer down on his other hand. He howled with pain and sucked his swollen fingers.
      Then he did the whole thing again.
      And again.
      I asked, “Why are you doing that to yourself?”
      “Because it feels so good when I stop.”

  21. Dear yodeling schmuck Hyles.

    Unless your uncircumcisedness can provide a text, I won’t believe it.

    ‘Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh’ [Luk 6:21].

    But then again …

    ‘Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep’ [Luk 6:25].

    Since Scripture must agree, it’s clear that heresy is involved. I ain’t sayin’ Luke is it, but we do know that nothing but the truth comes from First Baptist …

    Christian Socialist


  22. New HAC investment opportunity, bottled tears of the virgin. Don’the worry, they have plenty.

  23. First Baptist Church of Hammond is still selling Hyles’ books, even after he was proven to be having an affair with another man’s wife. One such Hyles book is titled: Marriage is a Commitment. It has Jack Hyles and his wife on the cover.

    This guy makes me want to _______.

    Check it out at gracetogrowpublications.com –

    I sent them an email, but am not holding my breath.

    1. The Hyles fundies I knew growing up did not think it was proven that he had the affair. But they did refuse the tempting offer of the “100% Jack Hyles” buttons, so they were taken off the list of faithfuls.

      1. It’s like a twisted take on the “tree in the woods” question: if a fundy falls in the forest, was there REALLY any sin?

    2. I went to the Grace to Grow website. Didn’t find anything by Jack Schaap there. Odd. 😉

      1. It’s kinda like the Ministry of Truth.

        The Soviet Union was photoshopping before photoshopping was a thing; the fundies use the same tactic in different manifestations.

        For all the fundy fear of communism, they certainly do a lot of history revision, whether it’s political/social/theological/personal.

  24. Is this a case of trying to find a profound, catchy saying? If you cry today, you’ll laugh tomorrow—like an apple a day keeps the doctor away? The need to get that catchy saying or repeatable line or alliteration in a sermon can lead to less than ideal communication. When the catchiness or the alliteration makes you choose words which are not communicating your point well enough–you need to ditch the catchiness or alliteration.
    In my experience with fundies, it would seem that the tears would be tears of repentance–coming to Jesus–so you can laugh in heaven.

    1. Well, yeah. I’d get it if it said “Repent today, rejoice tomorrow!” but somehow I don’t see today’s tears as an investment in any laughing I may be doing tomorrow. Tears today just mean that I’m miserable now.

      1. I don’t see today’s tears as an investment in laughter either. I just am assuming that repentance is what he means since fundies see the point of the Gospel and the only purpose of Jesus as getting people to repent, saved and into heaven. Which is a very poor understanding of the Gospel.
        This quote is a very poor, shallow statement all around.

  25. Ecc 7:3 Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.
    So I guess we need to walk around looking sad to prove that we are really happy?

    1. well, fundies do love to take the fun out of everything….and be martyrs…..and suffer….Is a fundy who is not angered over the blatant sin all around them, being persecuted for their obnoxious presentation of their gospel, and denying themselves any pleasure–really happy or even saved?

  26. So much of the laughter is at the expense of others. I stopped going to gift exchanges at Christmas because the gag gifts passed around almost always were left in the hands of a few “special” people. They were mentally disabled, rode the church bus, were considered a “ministry,” and were made fun of. Oh, it was “all in good fun” and they “didn’t mean anything by it,” but I couldn’t stand seeing it any longer.

      2. I found a lot of subtle cruelty there, and some not so subtle, but all wrapped up in the guise of “Christian love.”

        I don’t really think they thought of themselves as being cruel. I just think the feelings of the people they were cruel to weren’t a focus. They were focused on the fun, the jokes.

        But perhaps an inability to recognize your own cruelty is as bad or worse than the cruel treatment itself. I think that is why people with chronic depression suffer so much. People who should “get it” don’t.

  27. Anyone recall the fundy hymn, “God’s Refining Fire”?

    That was popular in my IFB church before I left. I couldn’t sing it. Imagine asking God to send me more pain and suffering than I’d already had!

    I figured if I needed it, God would send it anyway. It wasn’t like my life was filled with happiness and I needed some masochismic pain. I was used to the hammer falling. I would do my best, only to have it not be good enough. Others far less intent on doing right seemed to have more good and less bad in their lives.

    The song was probably one of the last straws. I longed for a Heavenly Father who would be good to me, not always smacking me down. Didn’t get that at the IFB church, that’s for sure!

    1. Oh wow, more pain and a side order of suffering please! We were always told not to pray for patience because, “tribulation worketh patience.” so unless you want God to heap tribulation on you don’t pray for patience. It was like they thought God was stupid and couldn’t tell the difference.

  28. In keeping with the theme of tears and investments, and with the career options of “non-Mog material” HA”C” graduates in mind, here’s a non-English bit of doggerel to the tune of that institution’s song– or “La Cucaracha” or “Deutschland Uber Alles” for that matter:

    Si quiere mal trabajo
    Otros no van a querer,
    Vaya a San Jack’s “escuela”–
    Sirvientes puede ser.

    Sin respeto y sin jubilo,
    Diga con su corazon,
    Cuan’ llorando sus lagrimas,
    “Gracias Hyles-Anderson!”

    Si no hay algun dinero
    Para cuentas de calor,
    Usa algo inflamable–
    Su diploma sin valor!

    Hacemos causas, cuando joven,
    Por un lamentacion:
    Aun quedarse la pregunta,
    “¿Porque Hyles-Anderson?!”

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