171 thoughts on “You Know You’re in a Cult When…”

    2. The Christian School I attended forbid walking across the grass. Don’t you know, God created sidewalks for walking.?

      1. I must have skipped over that passage in Genesis where sidewalks were created. And I must have skipped over the passage that prohibited walking on grass in Leviticus.

        2. The Bible tells us that, “strait is the gate, and narrow is the way which leadeth unto life…” Now the word “strait” means difficult and another word for “difficult” is “hard.” Probably no one here needs an explanation for the meaning of the word narrow. Moving along, what sort of path is narrow and hard? It’s not a meadow or a grassy field– it’s a sidewalk, haymen?! The Bible further teaches us that we were made to have dominion over the earth. Follow me now, with these things in mind, anyone with an ounce of sense can see that we are to walk on the sidewalks and only venture onto the grass when we need to teach it who’s boss by mowing it or by cutting down a tree. Now, turn and look at the person next to you and say, “That’s some good preaching, right there!”

          Actually I apologize for the above nonsense and misuse of scripture.

    3. I find myself hesitating to walk across a healthy lawn in shoes. Barefoot I prefer to avoid sidewalks.

      1. Living in the desert, I will stay on our carport or front walk when I’m barefoot. Bare ground means weeds, rocks, and prickly things that hurt feet!

    4. “Thou shalt not steppeth on the grass. For when thou steppest on the grass, thou costeth the MoG money and weareth out the lawn. Verily thou dost maketh the Only True Church ™ look bad and art the cause of the loss of millions of souls.”

    5. PK here. Other kids parents, who did not go to our church, would call the house or Dad’s office if my brothers or I stepped on their grass in the 1960’s walking to school.

    6. That’s in reference to the grass of private citizens as to not ruin third lawns, not like fields or anything crazy like that, these are third graders that submitted these rules.

  6. Is this list for adults or children? Using the term Kid would indicate it is for children but the majority of these items are for adults (i.e. not driving a Ford, not taking parking spots for granted etc.). I guess it shows how people are viewed.

    2. Can someone explain the Ford thing to me? I can hardly imagine someone looking down on a ’68 convertible Mustang.
      I’ve heard of Chevy cults… but I didn’t know there was a variation in the fundy world.

      1. It’s probably just that the pastor does not like Fords, so no one in the church drives a Ford.

        Sadly, I’ve been in churches like this, where the pastor’s word was considered Scripture, and people would be much more afraid of offending the pastor than offending God.

        1. Ahhh, yes. That makes sense. I’ve seen this in the college football context. Thanks Guilt Ridden.

        2. So, IOW, if the pastor said that television was an immorality (and, IINM, many of them say that all of it is one), then that’s equivalent to the Bible saying so?! SMH.

        3. I once went to an IFB church where the pastor drank only Pepsi products. So many of the members did the same and looked askance at any “Christian” who dared to drink Coke.

        4. As a GSBC graduate, I can comment on this, I think.

          From what I saw when I was there, this was more of an “inside joke” than anything. I drove a Ford, and Pastor T. would tease me about it, but I didn’t feel like I would be “not right with God” for it or something, and I didn’t feel like he made it out to be more than a joke. Granted, it was a particularly effective joke insofar as the people went along with it behaviorally (for the most part), but no one ever treated it as more than that that I am aware of. Nobody thought it was a moral thing at all.

        5. My Fundy church was south of NVBC, but my pastor had worked for Treiber at one time. I still remember when our mannogawd’s favorite burger place switched from McDonalds to In-n-Out. Like, why should the congregation care about such things? Yet they did.

      2. As I undersand things, at least at one time, due to corporate gifts and advertising placement in particular, Ford was viewed by some as perhaps supporting the “homosexual agenda.” I could be wrong, but that’s probably the source of the antipathy towards Ford Motor Company instead of it being the personal preference of some Fundamentalist preacher.

      3. Jack Hyles used to use Binaca all the time. Pretty much all the preacher boys there used Binaca as a result. Did they think it was some kind of magic goo that would impart to them the crazy that was Jack Hyles? Or a spiritual mechanism that would impart holiness and the power of gid (spelling intended)?

        Even when I was drinking the Kool Aid I thought that was a weird thing to do.

    3. Scorpio: This list is for adults who spent their childhood going through the North Valley system.

  7. Even after being gone from Unusual U for 26 years, I catch myself walking the extra steps to not walk on grass. Even at a park, sometimes I stay on the sidewalk for no apparent reason.
    I know it is silly, but the training takes over at strange times.

    1. People play flag football on the grass at my current college.

      I stand on the sidewalk & watch in awe.

  8. “Swimming in the baptistery is the ultimate urban legend”
    Naked? Haha – I’m afraid I don’t get this one

    2. Swimming in itself makes some people think of nudity, and God curse anyone who would dare defile the baptistry with an activity for which it was not built.

  9. “You don’t drive a Ford.”

    Welllll I’m disqualified real fast there! I don’t care what anyone says. You can pry my 2013 Fusion out of my cold dead hands! It’s a beautiful, awesome driving car, and in all my travels, it’s never given me a problem.

  11. I’m not proud that some of these apply to me (not walking on grass, feeling guilty about seeing trash but not picking it up, never putting anything on top of a Bible, always wearing a seatbelt, etc.). I guess growing up fundy, one will always have a little fundy left in them.

    1. I remember the Bible one and I still will reflexively switch it around sometimes! I also feel weird about eating after the Lord’s Supper because my pastor said we shouldn’t.

        1. Actually, in some places the tradition is to NOT eat before receiving Communion. This is primarily in monastic orders.

        2. It is backwards. Catholics are not to eat for one hour before receiving the eucharist. This means that my husband insists on going to the earliest possible Sunday mass and having breakfast after and I am not a morning person.

      3. Typical Protestant….do exactly the opposite of the Catholics, but for the same reasons (while simultaneously denying said reasons).

        Yes, the Tradition is to fast BEFORE communion, so that the Body and Blood of the Lord are your first food of the day.

        Of course, the Baptist will swear up and down that the Lord’s Supper is just a symbol, it’s not REALLY the Body and Blood, etc. And then turn around and say stuff like, “You shouldn’t eat after it.” (For how long? lol) Boggles the mind.

        1. I never understood the reverence they give the bread and grape juice – disallowing non-members from participating, having elaborate steps for self-examination prior to reception, etc.. If it is just a micro meal, eaten only to remember Christ, why hold the grub back from people who hunger?

          The infrequency with which it is celebrated also puzzles me.

        2. Just because I don’t believe in transubstantiation doesn’t mean that I don’t regard communion as something significant, something that should be regarded as holy and special.

          I’m not for extreme guilt trips before like I’ve seen in some IFB churches (“If you take it ‘unworthily’, you could die so make sure you confess everything before taking communion”), preferring instead the pastor to remind us that Christ paid the debt of our sin and that we remember His death at the Table. Also I’ve heard that some fundy churches observed communion very infrequently, but my entire life, churches to which I belonged always had it once a month which I’m fine with. I also don’t have a problem with having it every Sunday either.

        3. I avoided the communion for two years because of the stern warnings. Refused it, went to the restroom, got to church late, etc…

        4. At my old compound even confessing your “sins” was not good enough. We were told in the moments before we were to chow down that if any of us didn’t tithe, didn’t go soul-winning regularly etc., that we probably shouldn’t partake as we were tempting fate.

          Good stuff. Way to take something that could be a significant portion of someone’s faith and turn it into to your own pet-peeve soapbox.

        5. That approach treats Communion as a trial by poison– you will survive consuming it only if you are innocent.

        6. Of course, if it is just a symbol why should they be offended with those who think it is something more? Or why should they be offended with Jesus saying we were to eat his flesh? (They are, really. They have to work hard to make Him just using an allegory no one understood.)

          Then, too, the sacrifice of Christ ought to be offensive to everyone, the Christian included. Trying to make it too palatable robs it of its meaning.

        7. My version of Baptist insisted the Lord’s Supper was a strictly Jewish tradition, and we did not have to do it in this age of grace. Same goes for baptism.

          Now, I think both are beautiful symbols and reminders.

        8. I’m kinda with Ignatius on this one. If communion doesn’t do anything, then it is fundamentally illogical to practice closed (or “close”) communion, etc. On the other hand, if it is a means of grace, that is an even better reason for open communion! Like everything else, once fundies get a hold of it, it just becomes a way to make distinctions among people.

    2. Seatbelts save lives, so it is good to keep that one. The rest of the list can be ignored at will.

      1. I don’t know, there’s something freeing about risking your life just for the hell of it. Rebellion for rebellion’s sake can be a healthy thing for one who was never allowed to rebel.

        1. but the stinkin seatlbelt chime on the dash that wont stop dinging over and over and over. I’d rather just wear the seatbelt than listen to that annoying chime.

        2. You might as well wear the seatbelt. You don’t achieve anything by not wearing it. Besides I knew someone who wasn’t wearing a seatbelt when he was he was involved in an accident. He suffered brain damage which turned him into two-year-old in a six-foot-two -inch, eighteen-stone body. His wife had to look after him for 13 years until he died from complications of diabetes. I always wear a seat belt.

        3. I usually wear a seatbelt, but I feel a sort of guilty freedom when I don’t. Most newer cars have seatbelts that self-tighten and make me uncomfortable in other ways. And that stupid dinging makes me want to wear it even less.

          Paul, there’s a cautionary tale for everything. Not that they shouldn’t be told, necessarily, but the telling is not likely to persuade someone who hasn’t experienced something similar. Nevertheless, I’ve got one about drinking and driving (something I will likely not ever do). Yesterday an intoxicated man was driving a woman over to my neighbor’s house. He paused before turning left into the driveway while a pickup came in his direction, then turned right in front of the truck. The woman and the other driver were fine, but the guy was in bad shape (I don’t know if he made it).

    3. Dear A:

      Alternatively, we could say that we all have a little pharisee in us.

      Interesting thing about those pharisees … they were not nearly so prominent in Jesus’ day as one might infer from the Gospel narratives. This leads to the observation that the evangelists showcased Pharisees for theological reasons. I offer that they represent the ‘best’ that works/righteousness can offer … and that falls far short. Additionally, I’m guessing that you are a clever girl who sees a measure of insight in this observation [from Mark Coleman’s The Pharisee’s Guide to Total Holiness].

      Blessings!

      Christian Socialist

      1. I have read that the Gospel accounts of the Pharisees are quite the caricatures. From the historical records, they didn’t seem to be as hard-nosed as Jesus makes them out to be, nor as hypocritical.

        Then again, perhaps Jesus lived in that small segment of time where the characterization was pretty accurate.

        After all, Political/religious movements morph and change all the time. Just witness the fine mess we have today. Would you have ever believed things could get this bad politically? OR that being so bad and evil, these clowns would try to claim the moral high ground?

  12. I’m guessing someone at that church, maybe Strouf, brought the “born and bred” song with them from Northland. “I’m Northland born, and I’m Northland bred, and when I die I’ll be Northland dead. So Rah Rah NBBC, Rah Rah NBBC, Rah Rah NBBC, rah Rah RAH!” It was the school fight song in the mid 80s.

    1. It’s also the University of North Carolina fight song, more or less: “I’m a Tarheel born; I’m a Tarheel bred; and when I die, I’ll be a Tarheel dead.” But I’m betting that North Valley’s version doesn’t end “. . .Go to Hell, Duke!” Or if they’re anywhere near Chapel Hill, maybe it does.

  13. What is it with the cleaning rules? I went to a cultish IFB church, but we never had neurotic rules about cleaning. We did learn that we were supposed to start crying to manipulate men into treating us like ladies, and that if it isn’t something you can do in a skirt, it isn’t ladylike so you shouldn’t be doing it. This was also the church where the Pastor took an NIV he was using to prove the KJV was better and threw it up against the wall so the crazy level was high.

    1. I always wondered about the not doing something if you can’t do it modestly in a skirt. I have three kids in car seats, soon to be four (foster/adopt – I’m not the one that flunked sex ed!). Please tell me how you buckle four kids in a minivan without hiking that skirt up around your hips to reach into the back row.

        2. I went sledding in a skirt, too and I’m a guy. I got kicked out for some reason! Just kidding I made that one up!

        4. Yeah, I lived in a skirt. In Ontario. On a farm and we had to do chores. Mom finally had a fit and made Dad let us wear snowpants over our skirts. It was all about appearances. What if someone saw them in pants! That was what the real worry was.

      2. Who here had to wear a skirt over their snow pants when going sledding. Never had to in all my life until I turned 13, and my dad got this crazy idea that we had to so that there would be no mistake what gender I was and that I was setting a good godly example. Needless to say, that was the last time for me for many years. It wasn’t until after my son was old enough to go that I went again. It was the best time we had because of the freedom to not have that running around in my head and to just have a good time with the family.

        1. I’d never experienced that until I was in 3rd grade at a small Christian school where I was scolded for wearing snowpants because people driving by on the road wouldn’t be able to tell if I was a girl. *rolls eyes* Even my obedient, sheltered self thought that was STUPID!!! (My parents might have been KJVo and wouldn’t allow us to have a TV or a Christmas tree, but they at least were reasonable enough to let us wear snowpants. I did have the humiliation of riding horseback in culottes once though.) I think life would have been different for me if I had attended a large IFB church or school.

        2. Local roads generally aren’t close enough to the ski run to be able to tell what sex anyone is. But even if you’re driving through the parking lot, you should be paying attention to the lot, not the slopes. And passengers trying to determine the sex of skiers probably should not be anywhere near such a den of iniquity.

        3. I have been sledding, skiing, roller skating, lazer tag-ing, and (quite unfortunately) horseback riding in a skirt. Lol! I wasn’t allowed to wear snow pants, even under a skirt, because that would still be wearing pants. I just wore layers on layers of tights under a jean skirt. It’s a miracle I never got frostbite.

    3. We were told to be a good testimony by keeping our house ready for unexpected visitors.
      In anticipation of the annual anniversary conference (it has since been renamed to sound more spiritual and less pastor worshipping) the whole church would be deep cleaned, including touch up paint. Everything had to be perfect for our demanding mannogawd. IMHO, he wants to impress his customers – other pastors – who might recommend his school.

  14. Meh, doesn’t sound like a “you know you’re in a cult when…” list of rules to me. Sounds more like a list of in-jokes, probably passed around for amusement.

    I suspect all the entries on cleanliness are there because a lot of Christian schools depend on their students doing chores instead of hiring an army of cleaners to come in every day. I went to a non-denom Christian school and they did the same thing.

    1. Stephen: That was my thought at well — someone is poking fun at the experiences of childhood.

        2. The attempts at humor often sound like despair to the never-been-fundy folk.

    2. “You knew that…you would be held to a higher standard”
      This is a giveaway that this list is not just jokes about a quirky childhood

    4. No, the entries on cleanliness are there because Pastor T. is an OCD clean freak, and has built that into the system there.

      He even taught us in Church Ed (his class in the college) that you want to run a Disney-level (yes, he used those words, multiple times) clean organization so that people will be attracted to it like they are to Disney-land. And yes, on many many occasions he compared NVBC to Disney-land, especially in reference to Pastor’s & Workers Conference.

      I could chalk all that up to personality quirk, except for the fact that one time I was riding in the back of Pastor T’s car, with Evangelist Lou Rossi in the front passenger seat, and he and Pastor T. were talking about exactly this subject. Bro. Rossi proceeded to quote, as Scripture (he couldn’t remember the reference…lol [probably because it’s from Poor Richard’s Almanac, not Scripture]), “Cleanliness is next to godliness”. To which Bro. T. said that he wonders about the spirituality of those college students who weren’t all that tidy. (Meaning, not as clean freak as he is.) Of course, I am one of those students, so maybe he was just tweaking me a little, but I didn’t get that vibe. (He didn’t seem to remember I was back there.)

      1. Running a “Disney-level” organization is fine if you’re selling the same thing Disney sells.

        If you’re trying to live the gospel of Jesus Christ in the real, messy world, though, it will lead you in another direction.

        1. There is a certain place for orderliness and cleanliness, in spite of the messy world, and that does extend to the way one cares for the church’s property.

          But I think they do go overboard there (personal opinion), especially when they judge someone’s spirituality by it.

        2. What I object to is the idea that the Disney corporation is a model for communities of faith. Cleanliness itself is good as long as you don’t make an idol of it.

        4. I want my hospitals clean and sterile.

          I want church to be a place where I can be a fallible human being.

        5. Random thought sparked by Linn’s comment; someone – maybe on this blog – said that the Church should be a hospital for Sinners, not a museum for Saints.

        6. One GSBC grad I knew told me that they didn’t learn much theology or read many books, but they did know how to clean a toilet.

          And judging only from my experience with the level of discussion/knowledge from the many GSBC grads I knew, I’d say that was the case. 🙁

        8. Theology seems to be taught on 3 levels. Maybe more, if you think about it.

          But basically the laity get taught the rough basics. Believe in God. Believe in your group and its leaders. Here are a few proof-text Bible verses and large-theme ideas (“ye must be born again,” receive Jesus as your Savior, vote Republican, hate gays and liberals).

          The preacher boys get it in a little more depth. They are taught how to teach the broad themes, how to organize and recruit. They are exposed to more Scripture, but kept away from really heavy and deep stuff, particularly from the many contradictions that arise. They are taught how to shut down people who know more than they do or who ask the inconvenient questions. They preech an screech and that’s what they do best, leading the little people and being assured by their profs that they know a lot. They know they’re right, you’re wrong, and God is on their side no matter what they do.

          Then there are the more intelligent. They know the problems and that there are no solutions, but they get good money writing crap for the little people and the preechers. It has to sound good. Occasionally one will actually honestly address a thorny issue, but it doesn’t happen often.

          I think many of them don’t believe what they write or teach. The more education you get in theology, the more holes, disconnects, and contradictions you see. I’m pretty sure some are functional atheists. I’d bet even at Bob Jones University.

          But at that level of education, you have a reputation to maintain. You have to feed the beast instead of becoming honest.

        9. I can only confirm the first two levels.

          I imagine myself as one of the more intelligent (I saw through the stupidity), and I did face a choice. I could either a) dumb myself down to level 2 (unconscionable), b) become level 3 as you described it (also unconscionable, to me), c) exit the ministry path and try to be one of Group #1, while studying on my own (tried this first after college; it didn’t work), or d) leave the IFB world and look for a group that didn’t flinch at questions, or at the idea of having some theological depth to it (I did this after about three years in option C; landed in Eastern Orthodoxy).

        12. Interesting, rtg. I went to Baptist seminary and almost lost my faith over it. Not because I learned about what the Bible really says and how to read it in the original languages. Not because I learned what scholars have been saying about it for years. No, in fact, the SBC schools do their best to make sure their students don’t get a healthy or balanced education in that regard. No, the reason I almost lost my faith is that it was filled with the most self-righteous, raging assholes (of whom I was one). I am pretty sure that if I hadn’t left, I would have lost my soul.

      2. Oh, and correction: “I _was_ one of those students”, not “I am one…”

        Not that I’ve gotten much tidier. But I am no longer a student there, and haven’t been for a long time now.

      3. Does Lou Rossi’s appearance remind you of Jerry Louis, or is it just me? (I haven’t seen him in over 25 years, when he officiated the wedding of one of my brothers.)

      4. I am reminded of Helen Burns in “Jane Eyre.” She was kind and gentle and had a tender heart, but she was constantly belittled and criticized because she wasn’t tidy enough for Lowood, constantly made to feel that she wasn’t acceptable despite the fact that she was more Christlike than anyone else.

        1. Well, except for the whole “being more Christlike than everyone else” part, I can totally sympathize. 🙂

        2. That’s kind of how Trieber/GSBC-esque churches do it. Clean and paint the surface, so it LOOKS good. Who cares if it is or not as long as it seems that way.

          For example, the reject buses and they’d buy from public schools, clean, paint, and off they go! Who cares if they’re mechanically unsound.

          Why should it surprise us that the same would go for souls. So Bro. XYZ was tricked into sinning by that evil 5 year old temptress in jeans. He went forward at the good ol’ fashioned altar call with tears in his eyes. He filled out a decision slip! Maybe he even got baptized again! Who cares if there was any actual change in his heart, or any change in his behavior. It looks good, right?

    6. A lot of times in a cult, rules are more to enforce obedience than because the rules themselves are important.

        4. I guess so. I will forthwith pull $20,000 out of my ear and go buy hubby a new car. Then we’ll be good Christians, right?

        5. Ford Bronco (full size)
          Chevrolet Suburban
          Mini Cooper.

          All have their share of blemishes, scratches, and missing trim. The “new” one has over 150K. I guess we’re just a bad testimony.
          Good thing I wasn’t planning on visiting NVBC anytime with those vehicles. I did pass through San Jose last month, though. Dropped my oldest daughter off at the Holiday Inn, stayed with her until she had to report to the MEPS personnel, and headed back to Georgia in a Penske moving truck. Tomorrow we fly to San Antonio to see her graduate from Air Force Basic Training.
          Two kids serving in the military, one serving at Panera Bread.

        8. Big Gary, just remind your shooting friends not to leave their weapons in the bathroom stall.

  16. This list fits right in with Trieber’s personnel handbook for church staff (previously linked by SFL). What I find really sad is that, according to the author, the list was offered by the students. I don’t think they have much of a childhood.

      1. I appreciate what you’re saying Gary. My point is that if you’re “counting” the hours, you’re doing it wrong.
        But, I suppose, if you have a job counting time gone by, you’d have to do so since it’s in your job description. Behold the Accountant of Hours.
        My boss is here, gotta go!

  18. The cleaning stuff….sounds like OCD to me…..which is my mother. We make fun of her but secretly wish we were more like that.

    1. Or nylons? Really, for women wearing nylons was pushed like they were the true mark of holiness.

      1. Sure was at MBBC in the 70’s. Even in the hottest of summer weather. If we left the “ladies'” floor of the dorm we had to put those dastardly things on. I still hate them.

        1. Bare legs entice men to sin with their eyes. Christian men must be the weakest creatures on earth.

  20. OMG….what a fucking nutjob. I have always noticed that Fundies (and most Christians) are proud of things that a sane person would be completely embarrassed by.

    -The Moral Atheist

    1. Dear Moral Atheist …

      That may explain why I take flack on all sides. I’m a pariah among unbelievers and an outcast among Christians. Might my moniker be an issue? LOL!

      Christian Socialist

        2. The bar is at the perfect height for me, Dr Fundystan. Buy me a drink and you can sit next to me.

  21. “Diets are off on Sunday” is one rule I could get behind. But the rest… Wow. Basically, spend your life cleaning and always look over your shoulder because somebody is watching.

      1. You got it on the nose with that one. Trieber and Co. is all about appearance. Nobody would stop by NVBC if its physical appearance was as disgusting as its theology/spirit/heart.

      1. Spare the ice in my whisk(e)y, please. 😛

        (Now, if the beverage in question is cask strength, a teaspoon or two of water would be good…)

  23. Checked out a video of their church service. They have not one, not two, but three white grand pianos on stage. That’s holiness– haymen?!?

  24. Sadly, I went here, and these are ALL legit… but it wasn’t “Fix Or Repair Daily”, it was “Found On Road Dead”.

    After night services, church was not dismissed until money (at least $1,000) was raised for some bill or another. It was almost like being held hostage after a long hard “day of rest”.

    I must not really be a NV kid, though, because last time I saw the Triebers, they didn’t seem super happy to see me…

  25. This does read like one of those “Are You In An Abusive Relationship?” checklists. In fact, it is one, although the person who wrote it may not have intended it to be.

  26. So I trust they never sang

    Give me gas in my Ford
    Keep me truckin’ for the Lord
    Give me gas in my Ford I pray
    Hallelujah
    Give me gas in my Ford
    Keep me truckin’ for the Lord
    Keep me truckin’ ’til the light of day

    1. I grew up in a fundy-lite church on the Gulf Coast, and we had a verse that started:
      Give me wax for my board
      Keep me surfing for the Lord . . .

  27. Middletown Bible Church has their 67 questions.

    Trieber’s church promotes this list, posing as humor.

    These two examples, sadly, are not isolated in fundamentalism. This system breeds neuroses, IMO.

    Years ago, I administered lie detector tests to police applicants. I always dreaded administering a test to someone from a fundamentalist background (as evidenced by their application, which showed where they went to school from grade school on.)

    Not infrequently, such an applicant would throw a false positive for deception. I went the extra mile and would question them more deeply. Once they realized that they were feeling some sort of free-floating guilt they could often pass the test.

    My point is that the use of these lists impacts some so severely that they have guilt feelings for years. Guilty feelings because they could never measure up to an impossible standard.

    1. Polygraph tests measure anxiety, not dishonesty.
      The old saying is that they only work on honest people. Psychopaths, con artists, and other habitual liars don’t feel guilty when they lie (some of them don’t even recognize any truth outside of their own desires), so their stress levels don’t go up when they say something false.
      But people who feel guilty all the time, like those of us from strict religious backgrounds, and people who are very worried about passing the test … Well, nothing our type says registers as true on a polygraph.

    2. I’m probably one of those people who’d fail a polygraph. 🙁

      I also have fingerprints that are SUPER hard to print – both ink or digital. But I’m NOT a criminal! lol

  28. This didn’t scream cult or anything. More like a funny look back at their old life.

    But then, I am not looking to for the boogeyman behind every curtain.

  29. The stuff about not driving a Ford reminds me of how much I dislike the pastor’s personal preferences equated to being right with God. The pastor usually uses humor, but I’m significantly humor-deficient in this area. Statements like:

    “Mrs Wilson is coming tonight to get right with God; she is going to sell her Ford and drive a Chevy. (ha-ha)

    “Bro. Smith came to confess his sin of drinking Coca-Cola products tonight.” (ha ha)

    Such things are NOT funny and the mix of truly spiritual things with these stupid preferences sends a confusing message. I would even consider classifying such statements as blasphemy.

    1. I’m with you. Especially with people who freak out over so many trivial things, who turn molehills into mountains over which to find offense, their joking in this manner seems very inappropriate.

  30. Rules are often laughed at while being taken very seriously. My life was full of rules. Still is.

    Corporate and educational entities are very cult like. They demand excessive demonstrations of loyalty and have an over abundance of rules to follow. Every rule is justified, but there are too many to ever keep.

  31. Hopefully the author has already left…I can imagine her or him getting into hot water with all these criticisms.

    2. For most people, the knuckle to first joint upward on the index finger (the doctors have a specific name for it but I’m not a doctor) is exactly one inch.

      Try it.

    1. “male and female he created them. And he painted the male sidewalks blue and the female sidewalks pink, and there was evening and there was morning – the second day”

      1. On the third day He created Prairie Bible College (my friends who went there said there were separate sidewalks for guys/gals back in the day).

  34. Why these rules indicate they are cultish because they have nothing else except these rules to form the club they started. Rules build conformity in an organization whether a fraternity or a business. It is a social phenomenon. The churches that need these rules probably don’t have much spiritual vitality so a substitute is needed to keep organizational conformity.

    Jesus is building an organism not an organization. All who have the Spirit are His. If an organization doesn’t have many Spirit-empowered folks, well, maybe they think espirit de corps is close enough.

  35. No walking on grass is one thing, but an insane dedication to cleanliness is the big thing that sticks out from this list. They seem to value sterility.

    Also, turning the garage into an extension of your house so that the car must be parked outside to show off to the neighbors just screams vanity. Not very Christianlike, are they.

  36. The point about standing up when a “grown-up” enters the room NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE was interesting.

    Does that mean the paisanos never achieve “grown-up” status?

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