125 thoughts on “Honking”

    1. It’s like a crowdfund goal.

      Donate at the $500 tier, get to choose one of Darrell’s bumper stickers…

      2. My candidate for Darrell’s bumper sticker is, “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
        Does anyone else feel the need to add an “LY” to the end of that?

        1. “Do you follow Jesus this close? Jesus loves you, but *I* think you’re a jerk for driving up my exhaust pipe”

  3. I died in a crash trying to read the small print before I got to “save”

    2. I was going to paste the same message as you. only safe place to read that is at a stop light.

  4. So, is George responsible for “forgive you from your sins” vs. “forgive you for your sins?” Or, has my English been corrupted by reading too many Fundy bumper stickers.

    This sticker definitely-and tragically-is about “cheap grace.”

    1. We’ll forgive a grammatically-challenged adult who is not ashamed to put the whole gospel on his car, but if you are a third-grader who misquotes the KJB on an oral exam – that’s detention or a spanking letter

  5. This way you can claim to have won a soul for Christ every time you cut someone off in traffic!

    1. It works like a Tibetan prayer wheel– every honk is another sinner’s prayer said.

  6. Now would be the best time to pull in front of them so they can read my bumper sticker.
    “Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you’re an A-hole.”

      1. Refreshing. I remember a book from the Sword of the Lord paper sales page that promoted women staying with neglectful and even abusive men at all cost “for their faith”. Gagged me then and still does.

        1. Yeah I heard it preached often that you should stay no matter what because who knows if you might be a help to the abuser. Sick.

        2. Well, yes, if someone’s beating you, you give him a chance to build up his arm and shoulder muscles.
          And if he’s shooting at you, you’re helping him practice his aim.

          But I’m sure I would know how to help him much better if I saw you demonstrate that style of “help” first, Pastor.

  8. These people want you to take your salvation and Christianity very seriously.

    Except for when they want you to believe it. Then they expect you to just go along and accept what the bumper stickers says. No need to take it that seriously. Just do it and honk! Easy peasy!

    1. It shows the depths of depravity to which fundamentalism has fallen. The gospel is no more than a sound byte, a factoid, a bumper sticker to honk at. It has no power to change a life, and no lives are changed by their gospel. In order to change anything they must impose a massive system of works, rules, guidelines and people to be “accountable” to. They have to work to get government rules in place to enforce their edicts. They want the rod of iron without grace.

      “Honk if you just did!” Good grief.

      St. Peter greets a man coming up to the Pearly Gates. He is dressed in a Sunday suit, and looks a little confused. He looks around and says, “Am I dead?” “Oh yes, my friend. Indeed you are.” “Well, at least someone honked at my bumper sticker inviting them to believe on Jesus!” “No, son. That was the train you crossed into the path of.”

  9. If someone had just told St Paul about this, he could’ve avoided that whole prison & execution messiness.

    1. True, just walk through town with “Jesus Saves” painted in Greek on the back of your robe

  10. How much do you want to bet that there’s going to be one added to the tally of “souls saved” for this guy for every time he makes somebody angry with his stellar driving?

  11. How about a sticker saying “Jesus Loves Me But He Can’t Stand You”. (It’s the title of a song by the Austin Lounge Lizards of 1980’s fame.)

    1. Austin Lounge Lizards–I just had a vision of a bunch of seedy looking guys in pastel leisure suits with 10 gallon hats. Thanks for the laugh from a teacher who just finished all her data entry for 200+ students.

      2. Glad to help, hope you get some well deserved R&R after all that data entry.

      3. The Lounge Lizards are sort of legendary in Texas.
        It turned out there was another Lounge Lizards band somewhere, so they added “Austin” to their name to avoid confusion.

        1. I was able to find “Jesus Loves Me, But He Hates You” on YouTube, along with “Drug Addicted Immigrant Welfare Mothers”…let’s just say it fit where I was at after staring at my laptop for six hours.

    2. I had my colonoscopy a few years ago. Dont know why I woke up feeling like I’d been in prison.

  13. Love the red print! But I’m a little disappointed it doesn’t say “Jesus is the only one who can keep you out of Hell”. All that Heaven talk is just soft-pedaling the Gospel.

  14. Dear SFL Reader:

    Bumper stickers make sense when you’re incapable of grasping more than they can say…

    Christian Socialist

    1. They can start painting insignias or something like that on the driver’s side door for every car honk the way pilots would paint kill or bombing missions on their airplanes during WW II.

      But are honks as truly impressive as decision cards?

      1. No, because honks can’t be measured in inches. Nine inches is something tangible and verifiable.

  15. Don’t forget to record the number of honks, times 10 for those who prayed but didn’t honk, to advertise in your monthly prayer letter to supporting churches.

    1. I don’t know. If they didn’t honk, doesn’t that mean they were ashamed of Jesus? Which means they probably didn’t say the prayer right anyway.

        1. Yeah, you’re right. You have done your part, your hands are clean. Anyway, numbers are more important than statist.. er, people.

    2. Don’t forget to add one because you know that lady was in the family way!

      1. Each person pointing heavenward with a middle finger was also signaling his or her salvation.

    1. And gone straight to Heaven, too! Of course, a whole lot more people would be destined for Hell for taking the Lord’s name in vain multiple times.

  17. This is an American evangelicalism thing…not just fundies. How can do my quota for reaching people for Jesus without actually having to break a sweat? I’ll put this bumper sticker and a Jesus fish on my car. See? I’m sold out for Him.

    By the way, if a driver is close enough to read that, there is no need to honk, because he is already up his colon anyways. He can just tell him before they both die in a fiery crash caused by tailgating.

    2. Some will die in hot pursuit
      In fiery auto crashes
      Some will die in hot pursuit
      While sifting through my ashes
      Some will earn eternal life
      From Jesus’ precious fountain
      Just in time to save their soul from
      Crashing through this mountain

    3. Fully agreed on that first paragraph. These type of ‘tactics’ are “tied to the hip” with ‘easy believism’.

  19. My bumper sticker reads, “Untax Groceries.”

    BamaMan and certain others will know what that means.

  21. They should add another sticker below it.

    “If you’d like to follow the Lord in believer’s baptizm honk thrice in short succession. I’ll squirt you with washer fluid.”

      2. 🙂 it’s a hybrid between my last name and Bilbo’s. I named my Man cave “Skag End” and I smoke a long stemmed pipe. Yes. I am a geek.

        2. Paul, some of my family says I have Hobbit feet. But I never trim them. 🙂

        4. Paul Best:

          Actually “christian” hobbit’s feet should be fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of the Shire…

  22. My two favorite words in this post are new and car. May the Lord give you great success in using it.

  25. Methinks it should be phrased thusly: “Since Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven. . . hast thou ask’d him to saveth thou and forgiveth thou of thy sins yet? Honketh if thou just did.”

    1. There are no auto horns in the KJV, bless God!

      It should say, “If thou hast done likewise, blow upon thine shofar.”

    1. People like huckabee assume they know how to apply God’s Law to the lives of others and that they are on the same wavelength as God and are in never wrong about it. That is stupid and dangerous in itself 🙁

        2. Technically, yes. I mean, not for baboons, but for people. They ar also a fiercely patriarchal society, and the males will often hit or bite their women if the wander away too far. Seemed apropos…

        3. Yeah! A group of baboons is known and a “congress”, not makin’ it up.

        4. “AS a congress”, my fingers got ahead of what’s left of my brain….

        3. Suit. White shirt. Red tie. I would have said that was the real Jesus, bit he has a beard and long hair. So it can’t be Jesus.

      3. I dislike all manner of simians, but I really think you shouldn’t insult baboons like that. Very crude and uncalled for, Dr F. 😉

        1. Except that when a Fundy preacher starts yelling his face can look like the south end of a northbound baboon, but uglier.

      4. I don’t know where baboons rank, but his solution to the Palestinian question is to uproot them all and give them part of Iraq. Because nothing solves a problem like emulating it.

        1. Why don’t we give them South Carolina?
          I hear no one important is using it.

  27. Why is this Bumper Sticker in modern english? If salvation only comes from hearing the Word in the KJV authorized edition, how can anyone really be saved by reading this bumper sticker?

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