Preachers

Caption Needed

191 Comments

When two fundy mogs do this:

Then I can’t help but want you to give me some captions to help describe what on earth is going on here. Whatever it is, it just ain’t right.

191 thoughts on “Caption Needed”

  2. I don’t know about a caption but that V shape made by the intersection of their ties is downright sinful.

    2. Yes, there is something magnificent about their gut-cleavage.

      Reminds me of when my wife was still teaching kindergarten and one of the preschool teachers, who liked to wear low-cut tops, almost died of embarrassment when one of the little boys in her class pointed to his chest and said, “Ms. L***** has a butt right here.”

  3. There’s nothing more repetitive than a couple of fundies enjoying a good session of self deprecating gluttony humor.

  4. In Fundyland, obesity is a virtue.

    Well, MALE obesity is. Womens need to “take care of themselves so their husbands aren’t tempted to stray.”

    2. “Womens need to “take care of themselves so their husbands aren’t tempted to stray.”’

      Yes, because it is always the woman’s fault. Always.

      Even if she isn’t overweight.
      Or old. Or gray. Or mean.
      Or too smart and successful for her own good.

      It is always the woman’s fault that her Fundy husband “fell into sin”.

      1. Women should take care of themselves so their men don’t stray.

        Being with one of these jerks in bed should qualify for hazardous duty. The “missionary position” could kill the girl!

        Tweedledee and Tweedledum

  5. Don’t be silly, they’re all just comparing the size of their baby bumps. Must be about due any day now.

  6. Unless I am mistaken, the man on the left is packing a 1911. That is with the butt grip looks like.

    3. I don’t have a problem with firearms, but showing off is childish, and carrying just because you can tells me you probably shouldn’t.

      1. What’s the point of packing in the church? To show everyone you are ready to destroy lives instead of saving them?

        The gun is there for one purpose only, to kill.

        Mark 8:35 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.

        But then, these critters don’t know the Bible they claim to believe.

        2. Matt. 26:52 Then Jesus said to him, “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword.

        3. “The gun is there for one purpose only, to kill. ”

          Or to intimidate.
          No dissent allowed. Don’t even try taking your complaint to this mannogawd. He might get angry, and you won’t like him when he is angry.
          It does send a message, doesn’t it?

      2. UncleWilver, I agree. There is something quintessentially American about doing something stupid “just because I can.” As if not doing it would violate, on some cosmic level, one’s very “right” to do it.

        1. I have a right to poke myself in the head with a sharp stick, but I’m willing to let that one slide.

      3. I really don’t like talking about firearms around church people. I don’t have them because I believe it is a God-given right. I shoot recreationally and hunt some. While I think I could use them to defend my family, I do not want to ever have to make that decision.
        It bothers me when someone who claims to be God’s messenger can flippantly talk about sending miscreants into eternity. Lousy hypocrites.

  9. Is that inside a mobile home? Dig that wood paneling. It’s like being transported back 40 years. Oh, also the whole pic and tweet is super homoerotic.

    1. And I thought I was the only person who remembered this song.
      I first heard the Sugar Hill Gang in my dorm room at TTU. I think the prude upstairs complained about that just as much as our country and southern gospel.

  15. Ted 10:13 – And there came a voice to him, Rise, Ted; kill, and eat.
    14 But Ted said, yea Lord; for the preachers fellowship is tomorrow wilt I be the greatest?
    15 And the voice spake unto him again the second time, For what is battered and deep fried consumith it within thyself .
    16 This was done thrice: and the vessel was greatly enlarged.

    1. Thanks for bringing that up. In the real world, I’m called Mike. I hear that regularly.

  18. ♫ Yeah it’s pretty clear, I ain’t no size two
    But I can shake it, shake it like I’m supposed to do
    ‘Cause I got that boom boom that all the preacher boys chase
    All the right junk in all the right places
    …cause I’m all about that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble♫

    1. No….NoNoNoNooo. That’s clearly taking that song out of complete context.

      First, it’s for us big-booty females.
      Second, it’s ONLY for us big-booty females.

      Fundietubbies do NOT get that song.

      1. Oh, dear me, I just realized you put “preacher boys” in there.

        Nevermind, the Fundietubbies can have the song.

    1. “… and Gid rested on the seventh day… so he would have enough strength to lift lard-asses like these on the day of Rapture.”

  24. These two could be sent into the mission field to feed a small nation of cannibals

      1. Nah, as we already know, cannibals don’t like clowns because they taste funny.

  25. “Deer not beer”… That’s a caption they would probably like

  28. That’s not a belly.
    (Exposes own belly).
    THAT’S a belly.

        1. I agree. I was looking at some old posts the other day and saw their names and thought they haven’t been around in a long time.

  30. I don’t have a caption, but I want to point out to them a few problems with this picture.

    One, that’s not the definition of ‘belly dance’.

    Two, they are not avoiding all appearances of evil (gotta hand that misinterpreted verse back to them) because they look like two bros dancing. And we all know what dancing leads to.

    1. Looking leads to liking
      Liking leads to loving
      Loving leads to f%^king
      So why are you looking at me?

      An homage to my late brother who taught me this. He served in the USMC in Vietnam.

  31. – I thought coloured shirts are sinful?
    – Nah, that’s just if they’re pink.

  35. HA HA-we’ll never be accused of receiving lap dances, cause we ain’t got none!

  37. I have heard fundamentalist pastors shame women for “letting themselves go” once they are married and have children. It is the woman’s job to keep her man happy and wanting more.
    But for men……

  39. Gen 45:1aThen Joseph could not refrain himself
    They’re just interpreting the Bible literally……..

  40. The MOGs have finally gotten so huge they have developed their own gravitational field.

  44. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our Buffet.

    1. Ironically, the farther away from fundamentalism and Christianity I get, the less my gut is…

  50. Interestingly, when I was growing up, our MOG had severe diabetes and was extremely conscientious about his weight. Thus, our church staff never really played the obesity game like many MOGs do.

    The pastor of the IFB church that I left, on the other hand, tipped the scales at something like 400 pounds. There was the occasional ritual handwringing over having a bad “testimony” and setting a bad “example” but soon enough he’d be back at the trough, shoveling it in.

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