200 thoughts on “Spiritual Gifts”

    2. Not sure why to pay for church bus news since I can read it on line to my heart’s content.

    3. I wonder if the quantity of paper you get from that subscription would be cheaper than actual toilet paper?

      2. Ok, remember when I got reprimanded a while back for using over-used phrases such as “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water”?

        Maybe it’s time to put “I’ll take a fifth” when posting in the fifth spot to bed also. But I’m not angry… lol.

  6. Will someone please get me that for my birthday? I want it so bad. Please please please. Pretty please. With sugar on top.

  8. Nothing screams “cult” quite like getting everyone in the family things that no real person would ever want in place of a real Christmas gift. Well, ok, there are a lot of things that scream cult like that BUT THAT’S ONE OF THEM!

      1. Reminds me of that scene from Father of the Bride when Brian gets Annie a blender as an anniversary present.

        (Also, this is apparently the ONLY scene from the WHOLE ENTIRE MOVIE that is not posted on youtube.)

    2. In particular, why would you buy a subscription to a Bus Ministry magazine for your children??

        1. It’s a shame thing. “Son, I’ve told you that you ought to be in the bus ministry for your church. Instead you are working evenings at your job, coming home and wanting to eat dinner and watch the Devil’s TeeVee. ”

          “Daughter, I know we threw you out of the house for dating that boy. Now you are going to Community College instead of going to Wednesday night prayer meeting and helping with the bus ministry? What kind of job at the church requires college? WHAT? You don’t want to work at the church? Get away from me, you demoness. You had your chance to get back in our good graces.”

          “Pastor, I subscribed to the Church Bus News for my children, and now they won’t talk to me? They won’t bring the grandchildren if they would be here on Wednesday or the weekend! How can I get my children to come back to the Lord?”

  9. I bleve this Church Bus News is a librale publikaton. Ive submitted many artikles over the yeres but none were published. Run by a bunch of pantywaste henpecked librales if you ask me. Sound like its rite up Darel’s alleyway.

    1. Dr. Phil!!! Good to see you brother. It has been a while.

      Glad to see you are still standing in the gap against those pesky liberals. Keep up the good fight my friend.

      1. Bro. Scorpio thanks for the good word and plese remember me in speshal prayer. I was work as bivocatonal pastor here at Iglesa Baptista in Seville, FL as there English pastor and had built up a grate ministry of about 6 adults and 23 bus kids but rescently found out this church doesnt use the Spainish KJV. I had to quit job and worst than that I was courting deacon’s dotter and we had to brake up becuse her dad is aprostrate. Rite now Im just getting by here working at subway and living in this trailer but am looking to get back on the road doing some revivle minstry. If you here any churches that needs some pulpit help plese drop a good word for me.

        Sinserely,

        Dr Armenik

        1. You are always in my prayers brother. I’ll pray especially hard that you find a Godly woman to marry who will fill your needs submissively.

        2. Bruther, I thot I had the rite one. I was working as assistent yuthe pastor at a church in Plantation FL when I met her online at KJVSingles.net which is a grate dating site for santfied, seprated singles. Im get too old for yuth pastring and felt I needed to be that leed man at a church amen. Amen I met this girl and her daddy was deecon at the Spainish church but they was looking to start outreech to english speekers amen. At first I was worred itd be a mixed marrage but she is light skin latino just like Bro. Gorge Zimmermen so Preecher sad itd be OK. I move up there and start working as pastor of English church amen. I had to work bivocatonal becuse they had no money to pay me amen. But church was growng and we almost had enuff offrings to buy gas for church van in the bus minstry amen. But then I found out they werent using the Spainesh KJV but were using librale aprostrate Raining Valera 1960 which is strate from the pits of hell amen. So Im back looking for a minstry as well as a wife. I hope to get merried before the Rapture but bruther at this rate Id be happy to here that trumpt blow because Im walk in the valley of shadow of deth amen.

        5. Dr. Phil,

          It’s wonderful to hear from you my friend! Has the church forsaken the old paths of the RV 1909 or the RV 1569? Sadly this whole thing could have been avoided if you just could have taught those people English! In any case it’s an encouragement to see someone in the ministry willing to suffer for his convictions. Too many preachers either don’t have the convictions they ought to have or else they are unwilling to suffer for the convictions they do have.

          Please also accept my condolences for your being forced to cancel your wedding plans. I’m assuming your ex-fiancee’s father was an older man who was planning on living with you. The situation is even worse when guys like that are pushy and oversized. Yeah, living with an older, enlarged aprostrate can be a challenge. The aprostrate might even force you out of bed a couple of times every night. While I can’t say whether or not you did the right thing, I can understand your refusal to bend over when faced with those prospects.

          All the best,

          BP

        6. Bruther Ben,

          The Spainesh KJB is the RV KJB 1602. The 1569 is the Spanesh Genev Bible which was a grate translation but was re dubble inspired when the real Spainsh KJB was translate in 1602 amen. One of my bruthers in the fathe said that I shuld let it be and the girl wuld switch to Spansh KJV after we was merried becuse shed be under my athorty. Amen but bruther, if it’s not KJB then its cruptible seed and that menes shes not really save but is led astray by a strong deluson in these last days before the Rapture amen. It was hard thing to do becuse I relly want to get merried before the Rapture but I had to stand in the gap and make up the hedge aganst sin and rong amen. I know theres a woman out there somewhere and the reson I cant find one is becuse most girls these days are chase after money or limp risted pretty boys that go to PCC or Bob Jones and those girls dont deserve a strong preecher like me and culdnt handle a real man amen.

          Sinserly,

          Bro Dr Phil Armenik

        7. Hey, Philly — You aren’t a real fundy. Every good fundy knows that the only Bible is the KJV. You need to teach the people to read a language that was antiquated when it was published so that they can get saved again. It doesn’t take if you use those perversions, ya know!

        8. Dr. Phil – Pay no attention to this Lady Semp. She is one of those sassy brazen hussies you hear about. She probably wears britches in public and watches TV.
          I for one am thankful that we have people like you fighting the battle in this lost world.

        9. Aman Burther Skipio, she needs to be put into subjeckton with all gravety her husband or father or preecher or whoever the male covring in her life. But in this day an age so many do not walk in the old paths but have that Jezbel spirit of the Laodisean Age which is neither hot nor cold but lukewarm and makes you want to spew out of the mouth amen.

          After thinking about what Bruther Ben sad I begin to think that maybe that girl is save after all becuse she speek English and does use the KJB. I guess it depends whether she was won with the KJB or the spansh perverson amen. Im wondering if its all rite to talk to her agan. I dont want her to disobey her male athorty but if he is an aprostrate preecher in might be OK. I am going to have to seek wise councel about his aman. I want to do rite thing but I also relly want to get merried soon aman.

          SInserly,

          Bro Dr Armenik

  10. What exactly did he mean by this?

    “Go soul winning on a street where you do not see signs of children. Even if you don’t see signs of kids, there may be some hidden.”

    It begs a lot of questions as in….if you suspect people are ‘hiding’ children shouldn’t someone call the police? Or could it be that people are hiding their children from you?

    3. I’m wondering what all you’re supposed to do to ferret out all these “hidden” children?

      And how long you can keep doing it before somebody calls the cops.

        3. Lol! Once when I was “serving” on the church’s ice cream truck (yes they did), I said “this is just like chitty chitty bang bang!” The deacon’s wife on the truck was HIGHLY offended.

        4. Well, Breaking Away, someone HAD to say it.

          Oh yeah, nothing weird about that at all. LOL!

        7. I remember the first time I watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang as a small kid, I was freaked out by the Child-Catcher. He scared the brown stuff out of me. Even watching it as an adult, that character still creeps me out.
          Btw did you know the film is based on a story by Ian Fleming of Bond fame? Now, I have that stupid ChittyChitty song going round in my head

        9. Paul, not only did I know that, I’ve read it. As with many other movies made from books, the term “loosely based” would be more accurate.

        10. Uncle Wilver, whenever I see Benny Hinn on any of the “God” Channels, a rune called “Yakety Sax” starts playing in my little brain. Must be a sure sign of being Lost…

        12. Paul, Scorpio– I usually avoid Benny Hinn, but now I’ll be watching and humming a mashup of Yakkety Sax and the Imperial March.

  11. ONLY $12.00 A YEAR!!!

    WOW!!! WHAT A BARGAIN!!!

    Order now, and we’ll send you a complimentary can of black face paint. Oh the fun you can have with that!!!!!!

    1. Darrell, if you’re ever hard up for material (not likely to happen, I know, but still . . . just in case) I think we’d be happy to crowd fund a subscription to this eminent publication for you.

    2. Face paint is for compromisers.
      In the old days (amen), burnt cork served all our blackface needs, so burnt cork it is.

      1. I guess they should use burnt cork. I wasn’t thinking old school enough. I’m a modern, liberal greasepaint man, myself. I only used burnt cork to portray unshaven hobos.

  12. What backslidden heathen would limit the circulation of such invaluable knowledge by charging money for it?

    Why do I have to pay for Church Bus News? Wouldn’t it be better if I could just get it for free in my inbox every month?

    1. Just photocopy someone else’s.
      We all know copyrights don’t apply when it’s for a good cause.

  13. I live in an area that has at least five IFB churches. Five. They all preach the same things. Yet early on Sunday morning I see a bus from a church outside of town making the rounds and when I say ‘outside of town’ I mean over thirty minutes away and across a state line. Pardon me if I think that is ridiculous.

    1. And they probably tell their members that there are no Bible preaching churches in your town.

    2. Hasn’t transporting minors across state lines been proven a little sketchy at best?

      At worst: Jack Schaap.

      1. I never thought about the ‘across state lines’ part of it. We live so close to the state line and there is so much going back and forth that I didn’t even think about that.

      2. If it’s for criminal purposes, yeah, that’s a major problem.

        I don’t like the idea of a bus ministry anymore because I think it’s a little weird, but just going across state lines isn’t all that weird if you’re right on the border. Plus, if you have to drive 30 minutes just to get to the nearest convenience store the way I do, a long drive doesn’t really faze me either.

        1. This is pretty much a rural area and its a bit of a drive to even get to the grocery store so that’s pretty normal for me as well….but the thing is I am familiar with all of these churches..even the one in the next state. They are pretty much interchangeable.

        3. Small towner here too. We don’t have to drive 30 minutes to the nearest convience store, town isn’t that small, but do have to drive that far to get to the nearest supermarket. I drive 32 miles to church, but that’s because I like the church, and would have to drive at least 15 to get to church anyway, so I figure I’m in the car anyway; might as well go where I want!

  14. You do have to give the guy credit for using “evil” technology to spread the good news of bus ministry. Now we hope his readers have an Ipad, computer, or some other contraption on which they can read it.

    Or, he employs a lot of people to run copies.

  15. What does ect. mean?

    Electric Cat Turret?
    Exciting Cucumber Tractors?
    Elephantine Coalition Territorians?
    Ebeneous Calcariferous Tabanid?

      1. 25 years ago, when I was still gizzard high in fundamentalism, I had to get a certified drivers license (CDL) so I could drive a truck at work. Our bus ministry leader found out and asked if I had a chauffeur endorsement on it. I did not. He said, “oh, that’s ok. All you have to do is go take the written test and you can get it added on. We may need you to drive the bus some Sunday morning.”

        Yeah. Got right on that. Still don’t have the endorsement.

        1. Ok. How that came as a reply to the cat turret comment, I do not know.

          I’m new here so I think George had something to do with it. But I’m not an insider on that joke.

        2. Eric – george is Don’s friend so we can blame him. george lurks around and is responsible for that exact moment that as you are hitting the submit button, you notice typos. Or he just randomly misplaces comments. There is no fighting george. We just have to let him have his fun.

        3. Scorpio–Have you ever seen George and Don at the same time?
          I’m not so sure George is imaginary………………….

    3. You had to go and mention that Electric Cat Turret, didn’t you?
      Now each of my cats is going to want one.

    4. In German, “ect” means “very.”
      “Ect doof” = “super stupid.”

      In English, I think “ect.” must be the abbreviation for “ectomorph.”

  17. Okay, first of all, the fact that Church Bus News is a paid subscription is ridiculous.

    Second, I think this post has the best title of all time.

    Third, re: hovertext – I’ll only be impressed with your hankie if it is impregnated with the phlegm of Dr. Lord Jack Hyles. Gotta love them Baptist relics!!

    Finally, I love his abbreviation of the Bible College Received English spelling of ec tetera. Awesome.

  19. The tabs at the top of the pages on his site are rainbow. Clearly this is a manifestation of the gay agenda in these last days even on the web sites of godly folk.

      1. Sounds like a disease. If it lasts for more than four hours, call your MOG. You can be sermon fodder at the next service, so be sure to be in your place.

        1. If you wait for more than four hours, it can lead to blindness or death. Call your MOG via Skype, oops, I meant smoke signals.

  21. We can advertise in the CBN, as long as we “have aggressive bus ministries or teach soul winning through the bus ministry.” However, we must submit our proposed ad in one of several pre-approved formats (study to show yourself approved, after all!): “Ads not submitted in one of the above formats can will [sic] require an one-time setup fee of $25.00.” This fee, one notes, is more than twice the subscription price, so please for the love of all that is holy, submit your ad like a woman in the right format!! Also, I love his use of King James English: “an one-time setup fee.” Delicious!

  22. From the “Our History” section: CBN was founded by Dr. Walter Beebe (who, we are told, was called “Mr. Bus” even though his entire bio calls him “Dr. Beebe” but I digress) who abandoned a “wild life of sin” (a/k/a “running a gas station . . . where he changed tires”) and became a preacher a mere two weeks after being converted out of a gospel tract.

    Wife was Winnie Prairie (I hope I am not being unkind, but that name sounds made-up to me) but children had remarkably ordinary names.

    Worked with a rogues’ gallery of IFB MOGs, including Bob Gray, Jerry Falwell (apparently Mr. Bus went through a compromisin’ phase), and Jack Hyles. “Dr.” Hyles once said “Without a doubt [and why would there be a doubt, since Jackie Hyles himself done said it??], Dr. Beebe is responsible for more people being in Sunday School and church than any other man.” Wait. A. Minute. I thought Dr. Hyles was responsible for more people being in Sunday School and church than any other man??? Hmm. Wonder what sort of dirt Mr. Bus had on Jackie??

    He was a proprietor of that strange creature found only in the IFB – a “ministry of helps” that consisted of much telephonic pontificating and fundraising for HAC.

    Upon his death, he received: (1) a perfect body and (2) the keys to a gold bus. So, when you get to heaven and you are looking around for a good, Bible-preachin’ IFB church to attend, just give Mr. Bus a call and he’ll get you fixed up.

    1. I was personally acquainted with one of Wally Beebe’s daughter’s back in the 80’s. She was married to an assistant pastor at a Liberty Baptist Bible College church in Upper Marlboro, MD. She was a very kind woman and her husband a gracious and hard-working fellow.

      I have nothing to say negative about her and her family. Perhaps the acorn doesn’t always fall close to the tree.

      B.R.O.

  23. Justin is a DOCTOR? That’s cool. Here is a “revival” he “preached” at which shows the masses coming to sit quietly before his feet. Kinda reminds me of my former-fundy CEO.

    Pause the video at :01 seconds to scan the millions of humble followers [sarcasm intended].

    “It’s good to be in God’s house this mid-week prayer meeting. Glad there’s a church that still has church in the middle of the week [“AMEN!” says the two old ffellers mid-way back and to the left].

    “I believe God needs churches, and we need God, but God needs churches just like this to keep preaching the gospel, and winning souls, and standing for truth and right…”

    “It’s always good to preach in West Virginia. It’s always easy to preach where God is, and I found that God is in West Virginia, AMEN?!”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvfMC1puVzo&feature=player_detailpage#t=15

    1. Since God is in West Virginia, maybe HAC, BJU, PCC, MBC, and all other tried and true fundamentalist institutions of higher learning need to move there.

      AMEN?!~

      B.R.O.

    3. What’s wrong with this guy’s theology? Beginning at 2:50, just after he puts in a plug for his new fifty-nine page book, he says,

      “I’m glad revival is not a phenomenon. Revival’s a promise. We can have revival now. We can have revival here this evening. It’s up to you and I. God wants to give it, but we’ve got to want to have it. So let’s pray in that direction.”

      So, revival is up to you and I?

      This guy is preaching a false gospel and is asking his hearers to pray a false gosple. A fool is known by his much speaking.

      B.R.O.

      1. If it’s up to us I would like to order 5 revivals please. I plan on giving them out as gifts for my bro/sis/ect.

        1. Why stop with your bro, sis and ect…why not give them out to ALL the world!!!

          YES, the whole world!

          Ha, ha, ha, haaaaa!…….SEVEN BILLION REVIVALS!

        2. No problem, but be warned they are on backorder. Revivals 3 through 5 may take 6-12 months to arrive.

      1. Dear Christian Socialist,

        Because I’m right, and you are wrong. Socialism is ungodly and attaching it to “Christian” is just plain wrong and ect.

        I would be glad to give you a free perscription to my websight if you would like. Revival may be yours if you really want it.

        Justin.

        1. Theres no suck thing as a Christan socilist. Thats like saying theres Cristan beer. Its an oximoron and you got to be moron to beleeve it. If your socalist then I bet you probly voted for that Muslime commie Kenyin Obama. Truly this is that last days when the harts of many are wax worst and worst amen. Im hope Rond Paul runs this next time as I beleve hes the only one who has a good grabs on are Constituton and beleves in gold standerd and free market amen.

        2. Dear Justin Cooper:

          Whether you are a ‘poe’ or are keeper of the evangelistjustincooper.com website I don’t know. But do keep posting here. If you are genuine, you may lack the patience to participate in any extended dialogue. Feel free to show me wrong. I’m more than willing to listen.

          You write: ‘…I’m right, and you are wrong.’

          I reply: That’s quite an assertion since you’ve no clue re: my identity. Is your fiat pronouncement a premise or a conclusion? If a premise, why should I believe you? If it is a conclusion, exactly what premises make it true?

          And on what exactly am I ‘wrong?’ You write: ‘socialism is ungodly and attaching it to “Christian” is just plain wrong …’ Is that it?

          God exists as an eternal society of three persons in ageless, unbroken communion. If you see no social component there, integrity requires that you expunge the affirmation of Trinitarian faith from your website. If not, there is at least some basis a social component of faith set forth in the second table of the law and elsewhere. Feel free to state grounds for your assertion and your supply-side Jesus at any time.

          Your homepage speaks of spiritual drought, barren altars, dusty Bibles and parched pulpits. There is truth there. But do you escape those indictments? Again, we know of practiced animation that mimics God’s Spirit, of doctrine reduced by fire-sale preaching, of self-elevation that refuses mutual submission and schism-driven deeds used to guard evangelist empires. Can you live with others exercising Biblical discernment in all this?

          Your mindset reflects not the Hebraic world of the Bible, but the Greco-Roman world. More than you know, this necessarily changes HOW we HEAR the Biblical narrative. Moreover, what you think is a forthright witness to God’s truth, some hear as the very epitome of humanistic secularity. Can you be instructed?

          Frankly, Justin, I’m not convinced that you ‘do’ theology at all. Talking points devoid of canonical context isn’t theology. Our children learn Bible passages as do others. But we don’t want them stuck there forever. We want and expect them to integrate the great themes of the Bible and to locate themselves WITHIN that story. Whatever you say, think or do, that doesn’t work for some of us in your reading of our undoubted Christian faith.

          Christian Socialist

        3. Dear Dr Phil Armenik

          O’leary, O’maley, O’brien, O’daliegh … with a name like O’bama, are you sure that the President isn’t Irish?

          PS: Socialists living in the buckeye state don’t vote. Our secretary of state, Jon Husted, routinely strikes our party from the ballot. The last time I voted, I had to drive to Columbus and represent our state socialist organization in a lawsuit before a judge just to get our party on the ballot. After that election, Husted struck our party from the yet ballot again. At present, I’m too old for that nonsense.

          Would you vote for a party philosophy not your own?

          Why should I?

          Christian Socialist

        4. BRO- you gotta change your email address if you want to really sneak around. I’m figuring you know that, though.

          I didn’t serve, but I am a Tropic Lightning fan. Nothing against the 1st, but my son is in the 25th.

        5. I think that this POEster is really D.B. Cooper. I always wondered what happened to him.

        6. Dear Christian Socialist:
          Justin Cooper offered you a free prescription to his magazine. I’m not surprised you didn’t jump on that offer.

          Justin, in all his erudition, doesn’t know that prescriptions are for medicine…for example, a suppository. Justin’s reader might as well stick such a gift prescription up his arse.

          Best,
          BJg

        7. If that’s the real “Justin Cooper”, it’s pretty adorable the way you think and assert socialism to be a theological construct, and it’s even more precious that you further assert it to be a Godless one. Keep that kind of uninformed nonsense up. I’m sure your mom loves buying cookies/magazine subcripions, etc to support you.

        8. C.S.,

          I was being satirical, that is all!

          I thought the Big Red 1 would give it away…

          I’m certain Justin Cooper would not troll SFL and I’m no POE.

          :p

          B.R.O.

        9. Dear CS,

          I’m pretty sure that’s BRO’s big red one in that avatar.

          Signed,
          The Innately Ignorant and Inimitable Lady Semp

        10. Dear B.R.O:

          I made no assumptions in making my post. But I will say this: the ‘I’m right and you’re wrong’ [i.e., ‘shut up and see it my way’] perfectly captures the attitude/strategy of many religious hucksters.

          I’ve been around long enough that people know my style. And I do take some pleasure [possibly perverse] when the cranks and naysayers arrive to start the ‘hate Darrell/SFL’ campaigns. Whatever others do, I hammer the honesty/integrity/confess with links to their posts until they stop posting and move on to bless someone else with their fragrant presence.

          Blessings!

          Christian Socialist

      1. West Virginia…almost heaven.
        Seriously, though, having lived in the shadow of the Blue Ridge in West Virginia, I can tell you that is the most beautiful country I’ve ever lived in. If I could find a decent job in that area, I’d go back.

        1. The song “West Virginia,” as made famous by John Denver, was originally written about the mountains of Virginia, not West Virginia. But “Western Virginia” didn’t fit very well in the verse syllable scheme.

          Not that has much to do with anything, but how often do I have a chance to bring that up?

        2. I believe it’s about Loudon County, Virginia.

          There is actually one mountain of the Blue Ridge in West Virginia. Well, only part of it is in West Virginia, but there is a tiny corner of West Virginia that lies south and east of the Shenandoah River. At Harper’s Ferry, the state line briefly runs *through* West Virginia rather than forming the border.

        4. Eeek! I read this first yesterday, then again today as I was looking for new comments. Two days of John Denver stuck in my head!
          My maiden name was Rhodes, so when I was a kid I would mentally change that song to “Country Rhodes, I am home…”

      1. It sort of reminds me of those members of Congress you can see on C-span making barn-burner speeches to an empty chamber.

        1. Oh man, Special Order Speeches are C-SPAN GOLD. Newt Gingrich likely has them as much as anything to credit for his career. He has to have provided C-SPAN with 10% of their overnight programming. Sometime in the last decade or so they were restricted to like 9 or 10pm curfew on Special Order Speeches. I’m not sure where you could find a graph, but the exponential explosion of Special Order Speeches coinciding with C-SPAN cameras would be a hilarious graph, and a large part of why SCOTUS doesn’t allow cameras.

    7. Sorry, but I’m not going to waste an hour of my life to watch an hour-long video of a preacher.

      1. don’t worry, he’s not a preacher, more of an entertainer channeling the medium of billy sunday.

        1. Entertainment? Iike World Wrestling Entertainment?

          Maybe Vince McMahon should sign up this guy.

    9. He is preaching there “in the middle of a revival.” That’s obvious from the crowd. “Just last week 3 people poured in!”

    11. So a contemporary deity and Calvinism will call you away from the old time religion which includes the KJV?

      The Protestant Reformation I believe began before 1611. And John Calvin was born in 1509–which makes him older than the 1611. So the old time religion of the 1611 KJV is just the right amount of old—not new like things past 1611 and not too old like Calvinism and Luther…

    12. I clicked through various spots and listened for a few minutes. I just happened to land on 27:05 and listened for 45 seconds or so. I learned that the folks there looked pretty good, but not as good as the preacher. I mean, its always about him, right? He sets the standard we should all try to achieve. Then I learned that Jesus would be in a church like that one if he walked among us today. Hmmm…..I thought he rebuked the pharisees.

  25. That’s either a lot of bird cage liner material, or puppy training paper.
    I guess mom’s been through all the Chick tracts with her backslidden and lost family members, so now she’s ramping up her passive/aggressive personal witnessing program with full blown subscriptions.

  26. This is a wonderful gift idea!

    Not so much for the rest of the people that have to use the subscription they mom/sis got them. But Justin is happy for the increased subs to the service I’m sure.

  28. Can someone explain why church buses have secretaries and “runners” and whatnot? Is there any room left for kiddies?

    1. Runners are the workers who run out to get the children. Secretaries are the ones who keep tabs on who get on the bus. As far as room, many religious organizations ignore state/federal laws on bus safety, including the number of passengers. To be fair, plenty of commercial bus lines also ignore those laws. It is not exclusively a fundy problem.

      1. Thanks. Are these people given background checks, and is the church insured against perverts, molesters and such?

        The idea of someone running to a house to lure children outside doesn’t inspire confidence.

        1. I haven’t done bus work in a very long time so I’m not up on the latest.

          I’m sure that new developments both legislatively and in the insurance industry have changed the way some churches do business. Many religious organizations do check on people, but some people slip through the cracks. I don’t see how an organized church of any variety can be in business without liability insurance.

          The bus ministry has bus visitation where the bus workers go to existing riders to encourage them to come and also invite new people. It’s not just random knocks on doors on Sundays to “compel” people to come in. It’s why they have a list of people to pick up. They keep tabs on the regulars and write down the names of new kids who might come with the regulars.

        2. I can’t speak for other IFB churches but at my hopefully soon-to-be former fundy church, anyone who works with children in any capacity ( bus worker, nursery worker, Sunday School teacher,etc) is required to have a background check. That’s a good thing I suppose but the scary ones are the ones who don’t have anything show up on their background check, only because they haven’t been caught!

  29. So is everyone in his family in bus ministry? What makes this a good gift idea for someone not in bus ministry?

    Perhaps I will get a subscription to a preaching magazine for everyone in my family–no one is a preacher but they go to church so they must like stuff about preaching right?

    1. All of you are getting subs to the Cichlid News.
      I don’t care if you’re interested in cichlids or not.

    2. If the people aren’t in the bus biz, the subscription is to guilt them into doing it. If the people are in the bus biz, the subscription is to guilt them into staying in it.

  31. I once received a free ticket to the creationism museum from a very close family member for Christmas, along with a promise of free lunch. Fortunately I live far enough away that I was able to delay a return visit until after it expired.

  32. So I read the article–Part 1 anyway (it said Part 2 was coming later, unless you were a subscriber, in which case you could read it immediately). This dude has a serious addiction to awful alliterations. I mean, “An Underlining Scripture”? Really? The main points AND sub-points were alliterated. He doesn’t like the term “millennials” because it is not from God and is not in the Bible, but he claims the label “Independent, Fundamental Baptist” which is also not found in the Bible. For all of his talk ABOUT the Bible, I don’t think he even quoted from it.

    1. I don’t like the term “millenials” either. Nor do I like labels such as “Generation Xes,” “baby boomers” and the like. I never use them. I don’t even know what they mean.

      Also “emergent” churches, “missional” churches and such.

  33. I’m sorry……. I couldn’t even comprehend anything because I got brain freeze at the mention of the ice cream truck ministry…….

    I’m just not sure I can see Jesus driving around in a beat-up van with a hooked-on freezer-unit blaring organ-monkey styled religious songs.

  34. I see it’s “Dr. Justin Cooper” on his website. Ima go out on a limb and assume it’s honorary.

    I just received my Doctor of Divinity in the mail yesterday. I got it from the cheapest bidder. Hence, my new screen name here.

    1. Let me be the first to congratulate you, Dr. Eric S. Now that you have mastered the Divine to the doctoral point, you can dismiss all who disagree with you. Don’t allow any to touch God’s anointed– =P

      1. That was my mom. And younger sister. Dad wasn’t guilt, just retribution.

        Mom is long gone. When she died, the family didn’t bother to tell me.

  36. Those IFB’ers involved in the bus work sure do take THEIR little ‘ministry’/fiefdom seriously. I used to assist on a route with a fella and his (many) kids, and bent over backwards to show kindness (tangible). However, there was never any reciprocation because I was (evidently) way down (or not on) this fella’s priority list because HIS ‘bus ministry’ and ‘bus kids’ were up there with his own kids. It was all about how he ‘looked’ to his fellow IFB’ers, etc. (sans any appreciation for anyone’s kindness).

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