Books

Modern Family

184 Comments

Let’s pretend that you’re a fundamentalist who has written an e-book on Child Discipline as part of a King James Bible Topic Series.

What would you use for an image? A picture of your own family? A bit of artwork? A stock photo?

How about a picture of a TV family from a show that promotes everything that fundamentalists stand against?

Apparently evangelist Doug Sehorne decided that the last option was the best. I’m sure the producers of Modern Family will be thrilled to hear it.

184 thoughts on “Modern Family”

    2. What was that show with “Ted Bundy” as the dad?

      I don’t feel like looking it up.

  2. I know nothing of this show. But why would a fundy have a pic with a girl wearing a peace sign shirt on the cover of his book? 😕

  3. LOL!!! I’m thinking that this person is TOTALLY in the dark about this show. Seriously.

  4. It’s a “booket” that will help you teach your kids “charater”. That description should sell a whole lot of “bookets”.

  6. 😯
    😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

    That is beyond hilarious! I think the joke is probably lost on the Fundies, though.

  7. I’ve got ten bucks that says this dude thought, “I need a photo of a modern family to show on my book. I bet I can get one for free on google images.” Bingo.

    That is some awesome fundy irony, right there.

    3. Google Image search is way better for violating copyright than the copier at the church office!

  8. Add copyright violation to the list of sins that only matter when they’re committed against me.

    1. We are held to a higher law. The Bible has no laws respecting copyright. /s (Said by every person ever that I called out while they were using the copy machine.)

  9. After reading the excerpt on the Amazon “look inside” page, it’s like someone simply transcribed one of his sermons. Includes sentences like “I may have preached this here. I don’t know. I’ve got a little outline here in the margin of my Bible. I’ll just give it to you.” It’s a painful read.

    1. How about the opening line…..”Before I begin the message, let me give you a few thoughts by way of introdcution.”

      I guess the advantage of reading his sermon is not having him yell it at you.

    2. He’s not even halfway through the first page before he breaks out the old fundy standby, “I don’t care what Doctor Spock says.” Geesh. I probably heard that line a thousand times as a kid. I was petrified of Dr. Spock and his evil agenda…

        1. Haha! I would’ve been, if I’d known what Star Trek was. (No TV growing up = no cultural awareness for me)

        3. Whenever I would hear of Dr Spock I wondered why that pointy eared guy would be talking about kids, too.

        4. YES! Dr. Spock was so outdated even when I was a child, I had no idea who they were referring to and always envisioned some Star Trek situation…

    1. Dear Judson Hurd:

      I expect they’d be getting a phone cal from a legal firm, but for the fact that the screed will be read by less than 10 people.

      Christian Socialist

    3. They don’t care about rules. Was looking at the pictures, and saw a revival service where they had folding chairs blocking the aisle. Guess they want to make sure that they die in a fire.

  11. And guess what? It is alliterated! Yay!!!!

    What you need for a “godly” home:

    Passionate love
    Prudence
    Paddle 😯
    Prayer
    Persistence
    Progression

    2. With both “Paddle” and “Persistence” on the list, “Progression” scares me.

    3. A paddle with the words, “Heat For the Seat” on it sitting in the window sill. I seriously saw this in the window sill of a Fundy a long time ago.

      1. Hm. Our paddle was cut from plywood, was 18″ long, had 13 holes drilled into it to lessen the air resistance + increase the fear factor (it whistled as it was being swung & left nasty welts), & was named “The Enforcer.”

        3. A 1×2?!!? Ouch. 👿 Fortunately, we only experienced “The Enforcer” a few times before we “accidentally” burned it with the trash. 😕 We figured even if we got in trouble, we’d only get a belt.

  12. The 2 reviews so far on Amazon (both 1 star) reference the Modern Family image.

    Head meet desk.

    1. I should buy the book and then blast it in the Reviews. But, I’m not gonna give that crap my hard-earned money.

  13. Dear SFL Reader:

    They could have done worse.

    http://tinyurl.com/lqmcwym
    http://tinyurl.com/kxxa5v6

    The Amazon site has these comments:

    R.B. (mom of 3!) wrote:

    ‘Did you know that the family on your book cover is from the show Modern Family and is about a gay couple? Lol that’s pretty hilarious. Might want to think twice before you steal a picture from google again :D’

    And Allen Taylor wrote:

    ‘If the fact that the author can’t spell the word “booklet” and/or “character”, as displayed in the description, were any indication: I had a suspicion that this book would be sub-par. Then I realized that he used an image from a hit TV show about a gay couple on the cover of his book entitled “Bible Principles of Child Discipline”. Please stop embarrassing Christians.’

    http://tinyurl.com/lbv7hls

    Christian Socialist

  14. Want to bet that Doug Sehorne weighs at least a hundred pounds more than Ty Burrell? No way that they could use his own family’s photo.

      2. “preaching is right anywhere, anytime, including his son’s wedding” Confirmed Fundamentalist.

  15. So you copy a bunch of stuff from the book of Proverbs, which anybody can download for free, and slap on a picture (without permission, I’m betting)from a TV sitcom, and call that an e-book?

    Your mother must be so proud?

    1. Not that I think the Proverbs alone tell you everything you need to know to discipline your children, but why pay this guy 99 cents to read a book that has always been in public domain?

      1. Which, as we all should know, is one reason that the KJV is the right translation. God would never want His Word copyrighted like those new perversions, HAY-MAN and HONOLULU!!

  17. Let’s do Fundy-perspective inventory.

    Man not wearing tie … check.
    Woman with neckline exposing way more than her collarbone … check.
    First girl wearing shirt with ‘Satanic’ emblem … check.
    Second girl wearing sleeveless dress, which she guiltily tries to cover with sweater … check.
    Boy with hair that covers his ears and touches his collar … check.

    Yep, that’s the perfect Fundy family.

    1. Well, the tie isn’t a big deal for him. As I recall, this preacher shunned wearing a tie as much as possible, although his current pictures show him wearing one. 🙄

  18. I’m going to assume the shorter version is “beat your kids regularly, cause we like it, and here’s some manipulated verses to help justify it”?

      1. “I’m going to asume the shorter version is “beet your kids reglarly, cuz we like it, and here’s some manepulated verses to help justifie it”?”

        There, that should do it.

      2. There is a grammar error. It should be “here are some manipulated verses …”. Plural subjects require plural verbs.

  19. I’m guessing the author did a google image search for “modern family” and that image came up high on the results.

    A quick “save to desktop” later and it’s ready for publishing!

  20. Just from looking at the family photo, I don’t know if I’d classify them as IFB. The boy has hair like a mop and any IFB church would demand the parents that he get a haircut.

      1. don’t watch modern TV. Sitcoms aren’t what they used to be. Besides if Martinez or Rod Parlsey or even Jesse Duplantis aren’t on, I don’t watch.

        2. Creflo Dollar is too greedy hence his name. Jess Duplantis is the Prosperity/Charismatic/Word of Faith Version of Tony Hutson and Laryr Brown.

          John Hagee is good for a few laughs has he intentionally makes fun of the Southern Baptist Convention (Al Mohler in particular) and even pokes fun at IFB’s pastors calling them “Fat” when Hagee himself has always been overweight.

        4. Yeah Duplantis is something else. He and Tony Hutson are carbon copies of each other (except Hutson is hardcore fundy and Duplantis is hardcore Word of Faith/TBN).

          Duplantis was one of many that his Lordship Hyles would constantly bash in the pulpit on a regular basis.

  21. 😯 !!! It is stuff like this that makes you seriously consider taking the “Baptist” off the sign…such a poor testimony… 🙁

    1. Oasis Church in Las Vegas used to be IFB but dropped the name Baptist and joined the Emergent (Rick Warren/Craig Groeschel) movement and receieved a ton of heat from IFB’s. This was brought up at Pastors School 2008 and one of Hyles’ disciples blasted them for it. There’s a clip of it on YouTube.

        1. I’ve seen “Emerging” used (usually by fundies) to label anyone who wants to be missional or culturally relevant.

        2. Sounds like anything that’s contemporary– as in 30 years ago with Rick Warren– gets labelled “Emerging.”

          Nobody talks about the Emerging Church any more. It is so 2004.

        3. The folks at Worldview Weekend still do. You’d think it would be done emerging by now, but they’re still railing about it.

        4. I have an Hotmail (Outlook.cm) inbox rule for Worldview Weekend. It goes directly to deleted items.

    1. According to the KJVO crowd, English reached its peak of perfection in 1611. In 1611 there was no such thing as standardized English spelling, so using standard spellings now is just modernistic compromising. Hay-men?

  24. Five’ll get you ten that a C&D letter will be held up in church as evidence of persecution by the ungodly.

  25. First of all, he needs to make the real connection between “passionate love” and “paddle.” Reminds me of the “He Touched Me” post. Second, Modern Family’s photo selection is delicious irony. That’s one of my favorite TV shows, but it’s filmed in a place far, far from fundyland.

  26. Separation often produces such isolation from the world that fundamentalists make foolish mistakes like this.

    Christians are supposed to be as wise as serpents, but so many fundies are so busy hiding from the world that they have no cultural awareness at all.

  28. Maybe more people would buy the book if it were written by “Doctor” Doug Sehorne.
    That worked for Scofield.

    1. He says in 1994 he shot a bear with an “18 1/2 inch scull.”

      Was that the same year you won the spelling bee, Doug?

      2. What kind of gun shoots an 18 1/2 inch oar? And is that legal to hunt with, even in Maine?

  30. That is definitely one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while. It reveals so many things about that movement. Classic.

  31. In the second sentence, he warns that people will get hurt if they violate the KJV.

    In the third paragraph, he says that the congregation should tell the pastor, “Hurt us if necessary.”

    Ummmm, that’s a lot of talk about hurting. It’s a weird way to start out a message.

    1. And of course I realize that there are Bible verses that describe the Bible as a sword and that believing in Christ would cause divisions even in families. But the overwhelming message is one of peace and healing, of gentleness for the broken.

  33. The Beard Debate is wrote by my former pastor. This preacher “edited” it and made it available through Amazon. The original author, however, does NOT get any money from any sells, they all go to the editor. Surprise, surprise.

  34. My fundie school once welcomed an “expert” on modern music. (And guess what? It’s all evil!)
    Well this expert who spent “thousands of hours” researching modern music warned as about an evil musician named Len Zeppelin, yes Len as in Leonard.
    Whatever credibility this man had was gone. But we still have to listen to his nonsense in every chapel service that week.

    1. Do you have to listen to all the backward-tracks too?
      Of course some songs sound terrible forwards or backwards. 🙄

      1. I know Vineyard for a fact did at my school (Windsor Hills). Vineyard played Jefferson Starship backwards and told us “Satan’s coming”.

        I’ve heard stories at HAC where Hyles ranted numerous times that The Beatles “ruined America” and how “CCM is an abomination to God.” Vineyard even kicked out kids from his grade school/college who attended CCM concerts.

        1. You’ve got to wonder if these guys, when recycling those old sermons, have any idea (or care) just how long it’s been since the Beatles made their last record.

        1. Great drum solo. I may have to put that on today’s playlist for working in the garage.

    3. I think I’ll take his word and stay FAR away from Len Zeppelin, give me the original, not some cover band! 🙂

      1. remember back in the 80’s when IFB’s when ape on Jerry Falwell for plugging Stryper and Carman and appearing on TBN?? Some grudges never die hard as it’s common in Fundy World is too hate Falwell and CCM.

  35. Oh man this guy used to be my Pastor. Only till I was about 8. Unfortunately his successor was just as bad. The only thing I remember about his “sermons” was that every other one was about spanking.

  37. This just appeared on Sehorne’s FB page:

    FALSELY ACCUSED!
    Well, I just got a phone call about the picture I used on my Book on Child Discipline. Evidently, it is from a wicked TV show involving a gay couple! Here is the situation.
    1. I do not even have a TV and have not for 35 years.
    2. I never heard of the TV Show.
    3. I got the image from a search on Google Images, which I assumed were not copyrighted, etc.
    4. Anyone who knows me, knows I would never condone such wickedness as sodomy or even TV.
    Your friends will warn you and your enemies will attack without knowing all the facts.
    I am in the process now of removing the book and changing the cover.
    Thanks for the friends who warned me. ~ God bless you!

    https://www.facebook.com/dsehorne

    2. Falsely accused? Sounds like someone just gave him the facts about his picture. Maybe next time he’ll do his homework before making something publicly available. 🙄

      1. I suspect he thinks we’re accusing him of promoting “homosexual lifestyles”. I think he accidentally admitted of that which we actually accused him, copyright infringement.

        1. Exactly. If he understood the accusation, he would plead “Rightfully accused” (of intellectual property theft).

      1. Scorpio, YOU’RE the enemy. He and I go soul winning together on Tuesdays. Sinner.

    5. BTW, if the TV show is wicked, does that mean the gay couple are morally neutral (at least in the wicked TV show)?

    6. OK, so here’s another doofus who thinks everything on the Internet is in public domain (or maybe he’s just never heard of copyrights).

      There really should be some kind of minimal competency test– such as being able to find your backside with both hands, or knowing your elbow from a hole in the ground– before you’re allowed to use Google. Like all powerful tools, Google can be dangerous and destructive if mishandled.

      1. The fundies were RIGHT after all! The internetz is far too dangerous for them to be utilizing it!

    7. His FB page is down now. Why can’t so man Fundamentalists ever admit when they are wrong? Our fundamental friend could have written:

      GUILTY AS CHARGED!
      Well, I just got a phone call about the picture I used on my Book on Child Discipline. Evidently, it is from a wicked TV show involving a gay couple! Here is the situation.
      1. Although I don’t have a TV, I was foolish not to check my facts first.
      2. I never heard of the TV Show, which is obvious by my “gaffe.”
      3. I got the image from a search on Google Images, which I assumed were not copyrighted, but I was wrong.
      4. Anyone who knows me, knows I would never condone copyright infringment, therefore I must admit my mistake; again, I was wrong.
      Your friends will warn you and your enemies will attack when all the fact are evident, like in my case where I foolishly snagged a picture from Google.
      I am in the process now of removing the book and changing the cover and I’m so sorry for embarrasing Christianity, even the non-fundamentalist type.
      Thanks for my friends as Stuff Fundies Like who warned me. ~ God bless you!

      2. The MOG must always be perfect and without fault. Because if he can be wrong about one thing, he could be wrong about everything!

    8. AFAICT, we are accusing him of being too naive, sloppy, and careless to do stuff on the Internet, and he has yet to disprove our accusation.

      Pastor, if you’re reading here: SPELLCHECK IS NOT A LIBERAL PLOT TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF. Honest!

      1. Spell check only goes so far. For example, as the eloquent Uncle Wilver points out, it can’t teach you the difference between a scull and a skull.

    9. Yes, the book is gone from Amazon.

      I thought that the “Falsely Accused” was rather silly – the only thing “false” about it would be if someone charged him with knowingly using the picture. He’s just been charged with ignorance.

      I’ve never heard of the TV show before, either, but in publishing a book, I would certainly hope to do some checking.

  39. I think this answers the question as to if fundies read this web site. Just so happens that the today is the day his friend called him to tell him.

  40. “I do not have a TV because it is so wicked.”
    But a computer, now that is a necessary evil that I use with caution and pray over every day, haymen!?

  41. Doug Sehorne’s latest Tweet: “Lu 6:26 Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets.
    I… fb.me/2Eay7QxRN”

    Also, anyone else enjoying the fact that TV is EE-vyl, yet ol’ Sehorne seems to be well-schooled in ye olde social media? 😆

    1. “I just read a comment about myself on the Internet. A lady said she had “heard me preach and that I was an absolute nut.” LOL Yes, but as has been said, I am screwed on the right bolt.”

      He’s already claimed to be naive, but how can he pretend not to know what “I am screwed” means?

    1. If “Sermons Most Preachers Dare Not Preach” means “Sermons So Half-Baked Most Preachers Won’t Go Near Them,” then that’s true.

    2. “MODESTY: A Deeper Understanding”

      Hmmm. Sounds like someone is trying to get intimate with modesty. Remove the “outer layers” to find out what is underneath.

      And who better to do it with than the young lady on the cover (from stock photos)? I am sure she would appreciate a “deeper understanding” of modesty!

      Sounds creepy. But then, fundies are, by and large.

  43. Dear Mister Child-Rearing Expert,

    I feel so ashamed that I did not follow your advice while we were raising our three youngest children. Now they are out on their own, and still love us in spite of our dereliction. There’s hope, however, with our 16-year-old son who’s still at home. As he has a Tae Kwon Do black belt, I am hesitant to employ your techniques on him at this time. Would you please be so kind as to come and give us a personal demonstration?

  44. My God, this is painful to read.

    “We must protect the pulpit!”

    “When people pressure the man of God…its dangerous time!”

    “The Bible is a surgeons scapel…hurt us if necessary!”

    What the f.

  45. So… this guy can’t be bothered to research the most basic copyright laws when looking for a cover image for his book.

    Yeah, that sounds like exactly the type of person I’m going to turn to for parenting advice. He’s obviously left no stone unturned in his research, I’m sure.

    I hope he writes a book about rocket science soon.

    1. I am actually waiting for his book “Brain Surgery – How To Utilize Your Kitchen Utensils”

  46. I had a hard day today. This was exactly what I needed to cheer me up!

    It must be hard to parody fundies when what they frequently do is so absurd.

    I actually heard this guy preach a few times.

  48. I’m sure he thought the internet owed him a tenth of its content as a tithe.

    Honestly, this post, and the idiot pastor’s response, just made me laugh so hard. One thing I like about biblical christianity is the concept that we’ve all made mistakes and it’s okay to admit it and ask for forgiveness. When pastors insist on acting as though they are perfect when the evidence clearly shows otherwise, I wonder how they could miss the gospel so badly – and how much else they’ve missed.

  49. Paddle?

    Ok, in Queensland it is legal to spank a child – with your bare hand, on a clothed bottom, without leaving an injury (which includes any redness). I’m not saying that is good, saying that is legal. Using any tool to spank with – like a paddle – is illegal. I’m aware that laws are different in different places. In some places, spanking at all is illegal.

    Just wanted to point out that the book might also be advocating criminal child abuse, depending on where people who bought the ebook live.

  50. I can’t get over Sehorne’s tweet “Falsely Accused…”.

    No, sir. You were rightfully accused of using a picture from a current sit-com. Because you did. Jes’ fess up and move on.

    1. I’m more than happy to accuse the newly released version of advocating child abuse, and/or copy right infringement of whatever he uses for his next cover! If he thinks copyright infringement accusations are persecution wait till people read the contents of his “booket”.

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