Standards

Breaking Bad (By Being Good)

74 Comments

meth-bible-camp

Hey, man. Can you hook me up? I need something right now. I heard a rumor that you just got in a fresh batch of rules. C’mon man, I’m really hurting here. How about just a little bump of guilt? Just give me a few hits of those sweet, sweet standards to help me level out.

Please. I’m begging you, man. Just give me one more rule. How about give me just a ‘teenth, man. Just give me a sixteenth commandment to add to my spiritual walk and that will be all I need, I swear. I won’t do any more after this. I’m gonna get clean and go back to my sobriety of grace but you know how it is, I can’t even think straight when I’m like this.

I just need some a few more statutes and precepts, man. Help a brother out! Anything you’ve got. I’ll take whatever. A decree? An edict? You can even make fun of my clothes, man. Just lay it on me. I’m in bad shape here.

Sure, you know I’ll pay anything. You want a cut of my income? Done. You want me to work for you for free on weekends, you know I’m good for it, man. Hey, let me sweeten the deal, you want my kid’s future? You want him to worship you and love you more than he loves me? I’ll make it happen for you, man. Just give me what I need.

Just give me the guilt, man. Just make me believe I’m bad. I can’t live without it.

Yes, this is what happens when I slam down an entire season of Breaking Bad over a weekend.

74 thoughts on “Breaking Bad (By Being Good)”

    1. Yeah, so do I. They’re the sort of moron who posts “first” and thinks that’s a worthwhile comment.

      2. Maybe if you were honoring your body by getting rest instead of honoring your flesh by watching that eeeeeee-vuhl Breaking Bad for hours at a time, you wouldn’t be so exhausted.

        😉

  6. Statutes will work too, but those Indy Fundies love their statues and other memorials to their idols!

    1. Anyone know of The Oasis Church (formerly Oasis Baptist IFB church). They called Larry Brown to come preach their first service after they left IFB and added drums and strobe lights to the the auditorium and adopted Craig Groeschel and Lifechurch.TV as their parent church. Brown’s reply “No way in Hell”. Brown mentioned about them even putting up idols outside their parking lot to lure in people.

        2. The Hyles statue flashed to my mind first of all.

          And the memorial in the middle of the pond at BJU.

          And “Worship the Founder Day” at BJU.

  7. Jesus calls us to drop our nets and follow Him into a life of freedom and grace, but so many seem to want to stay behind the fences of extra-Biblical standards.

    Having tried both, I’ll admit that it is easier to avoid movies and wear skirts — even while riding a bike — than it is to live a life of gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and love. It’s easier to anonymously hand out tracts to strangers (even though I don’t like doing that) than to get involved and invested in my neighbors’ lives.

    I never was, though, a fan of those screaming sermons. They made me sick. I was shocked to read on blogs people describing their pastor as “really ripping our faces off this morning” because of the harshness of his preaching. I found that horrifying and repulsive and so NOT the spirit of God; that people could WANT that does remind one of an addict who needs that bump of self-righteousness to remind himself that he is better than other men.

    1. I totally agree about it being easier to try to tick off the boxes each day and appear righteous than to look at the world with the love of Jesus. 😐

    2. Me, I’m perfectly content in skipping movies and wearing skirts, but that’s as far as it goes. Still working on the gentleness and patience part, just find it easier in a muumuu. 😕

    5. The screaming sermons are, of course, an addiction of their own. Most of the fundy MOGs can’t live without their anger “fix” 2 or 3 times a week. I truly believe that people can become addicted to the psycho-somatic effects of rage and become, in effect, anger-junkies.

      1. Yes. Rage gives you a short-lived adrenaline rush– not unlike Meth, come to think of it.

        1. I would rather *not* look at Westboro Baptist “church”. Under *any* circumstances.

    7. There is a lot of good stuff in PW’s post to comment upon:

      1) According to the extremist IFB, Jesus calls us to “leave our nets” and “win souls”. Those not going soul-winning all the time are not good Christians.

      2) The screaming didn’t used to bother me as much, but the comments to the effect of “What a great service! The preacher really ripped my face off!” never made any sense to me. If God used the message to convict you of sin, why are you acting like it was a good thing? Should you not rather mourn? I suspect that people who say this really mean “I’m glad he really laid into those people who aren’t as busy as I am”

      Good post!

        1. That doesn’t surprise me. I remember once a preacher was ripping into ppl who didn’t believe some of the same doctrines he did – and he didn’t give one scripture to back his position up. I was thinking “And we should believe the way you do because…?” 🙄

  8. Wow, so many parallels and it fits so neatly into the addict’s narrative. Wow. Just. Wow.

  10. Man, that train robbery episode might be the most intense tv episode ever.

  13. These are the same ones who are looking for the Holy Grail of emotional/religious/experience high: The Revival.

    Three times each week they arrive in need of an e.r.e fix. They need something to make them feel that their efforts are worth it. They need to have something to validate their working so hard, to give worth to their efforts, so they come in for some e.r.e.

    When there is no movement of the e.r.e. spirit in their midst they will try and gin something up in order to get them to the next gathering. Often this is accopmlished through guilt. If there is no e.r.e. movement then it must be because there is Sin In the Camp! All good fundies know that the way to produce some good e.r.e. is hard preaching against the most common form of apparant sin so that everyone will be included in the “big tent of conviction.” *Just shoot in there amongst ’em preacher you’re bound to hit on somethin’!

    Everyone knows sore toes produces guilt and the right dose of guilt will produce an altar full of e.r.e..

    The only known antidote for this poison in the body of Believers is… Grace. Wonderful, Marvelous, Amazing Grace.

    1. Don – what you’ve described is another example of fundy duplicity…this time as it relates to Charismatics. My old fundy MOG used to rail on the “emotional aspect” of pentecostalism. He used to thunder about how salvation was not an “emotional experience”…then have the choir sing 37 verses of “Just as I am” and use emotional tactics that would make Charles Finney blush in order to get a response during the invitation.

    2. Luther called this “enthusiasm”; I’m not sure we have a good word for it, although “revivalism” and “pietism” come to mind. The point is that, at its root, these are are essentially mystical religions – the experience of God is found in the way one’s heart feels, instead of in the objective reality of the cross, the word, and the sacraments. It is interesting that the fundy feelings religion is based on experiencing pain at church. At least the charismatics have good experiences 🙂

    3. OMG I totally forgot about the Sin in the Camp reference during revival!!! Jeez, I’m mad now. thanks Don 😉 Yep, if everyone didn’t go crazy and bring in revival like in the 18 or 1900’s (I don’t even remember anymore) then there must be someone that is stopping God’s hand with their wicked heart. Oh the many conversations every year speculating who this was. I just remembered that revivals were the first time I remember learning how to harden my heart toward emotions because I knew I was being taken for a ride to guilt town and it pissed me off. I was always happy to be the only or last one in my seat :mrgreen:

  14. Give you the guilt, eh? Why am I put in mind of this:

    Masochist: Beat me, oh please beat me good and hard!!
    Sadist: No way.
    😈

  15. Oooooh, I need a hit of that secret caption you see when you roll your mouse over the picture. Help me out, Darrell?

  17. After attending a IFB camp, you’ll think you’re on meth, especially after seeing Jack Schaap come down from the rafters dressed as Elmer Fud. I thought I was gonna hyperventilate.

  19. This post was hilarious. I started watching breaking bad very recently. That show just sucks you right in. Kind of like drugs. Also kind of like those auditoriums, er… sanctuaries, that slope toward the stage, uh…I mean altar. One wrong step and you tumble all the way down.

  20. Funny thing is, if that’s really a Methodist Camp, there is probably mixed bathing, shorts, and all manner of non-IFB shenanigans going on! Honolulu!

    1. I remember a sermon the great Dr. Hyles taught about “other church camps”. He said other church camps have swimming pools, boys and girls wearing shorts and sandals and listening to CCM music. He said other church camps reminded him of Woodstock.

      1. Honolulu needs an IFB school. Try wearing jeans/shoes/skirts 24/7 in the climate!!

        1. He said other church camps have swimming pools…

          Sign me up! I love swimming pools. 😀

  21. Breaking Bad. Love that show.

    I’m kinda surprised some of the more “hip” churches haven’t decided to do some sort of Breaking Bad themed sermon series to seem all edgy and relevant.

    1. I find the show fascinating the way it shows how sin can pull you in: start out with the simple intention of “just” selling meth to earn some extra cash, end up embroiled in murder. When does one’s intentions change from protecting one’s family to building up one’s sense of power and self-importance? How long can you keep seeing yourself as a “good guy”?

    2. Oh gosh, a major pet peeve of mine, churches that try to be hip and relevant.

      The ones that jump on to every bandwagon of the latest pop culture fad, whether it’s Gangnam Style or Harlem Shake parody videos. 🙄

      The pastors in the skinnny jeans or Hawaiian shirts. 🙄

  23. This is very true.

    For many Christians, it seems the only way to deal with sin is to add more rules.

    I remember myself and other students making many such resolutions while at Fundy U. Personally vowing to never do such and such again. Determining to never go here, never watch that, never use this, never buy that, in an effort to keep ourselves from sin.

    As if all it takes is an extra measure of guilt, an extra rule, an extra accountability measure, another form, another church service, an extra hour of soulwinning.

    1. These are all manifestations of the fallacy that sin is on the outside and comes from elsewhere, not in the human heart.

    1. J Heller, I have just read the article, and all I can say I “wow!” As a man I know it isn’t just women who are spiritually abused (would “raped” be too strong a word?) and, boy-o, some of that article struck several chords with me. Although I have to say, I imagine any fundy reading it would have an appoplectic fit,

  25. I showed my hubby this picture, and he said “Well, maybe it’s a bible camp for recovering meth addicts?” I liked that. :mrgreen:

    1. Makes me wonder if these bozos even looked at the sign or thought of its implications. 🙄

      1. I’ll bet the sign has more to do with the local city employees than the organization.

        2. That’s my thought. An unfortunate abbreviation for Methodist – and I really don’t think that it was the churches that abbreviated it that way!

  26. Great Post. We need more levity, that’s for sure. Now please excuse me while I raid the ice box for more leeks, onions, and garlic.

  27. Perhaps the road is now called “Methodist Camp Road?”

    It is a dead end.

    Unfortunately no street view to look for the actual sign.

    378 Methodist Camp Rd, Rollins, Mt

Comments are closed.